UPDATE from "what does this mean?"

[Homelife]

RE: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/50002-what-does-mean-3.html[/url]

so it's over and done. i'm not gonna lie, i am sad and mad at the same time.


so today he texts me back that hes ****ed up because he cant believe he buried his brother and his emotions are messed up and i deserve someone better.

he then calls me and says he is going back 2 his country and i say so thats it and he said he told me from the beginning tht he was leaving.

so then we text and he says that all the time we are together, i just called him cute and he was the one to always call me beautiful and sexy. he says when he went back to his country, he met a woman who thinks she is beautiful and sexy. i tell him i never told him my emotions because i didnt want to be hurt

so im like ur with someone and he says no that he just buried his brother.

then he says our cultures are different and they really wouldnt accept me because im western.

and that going back opened his eyes that i couldnt assimilate to the muslim culture. he said even being america for him was hard.
then he said hes really sorry

then i said how could u hurt me.

and he said i still love you but its best for both of us.

he said in order for his family to blessed by allah, its best for him to be with a muslim woman.

i feel so stupid he could have told me this shit before. he made it seem like he wanted all this shit and now its just whatever

he said he will see me on sunday so we can talk in person.

[curly1118]

Well you guys have already established that it's over, and you're going on a date soon are you not? Why talk in person now? I don't understand. You've both come to a conclusion and it's over and done with. You really have no need to talk in person anymore. At least in my opinion.

And perhaps it is for the best. At least he was honest with you this time. But just considering the huge age difference and his family possibly not accepting you. I mean, you're 24 if I recall correctly? You have your whole life ahead of you still.

Chin up.

[Homelife]

im 23. well no it wasnt over. i still stayed loyal and tried supporting him. and i was lying to myself, yes, i did talk to a guy but we arent going out on a date. i just called him to take my mind off him. i feel like shit. i felt like he lead me on. he said his family was open-minded and now its they wouldnt acept me because im western.

[xxazurexx]

RE: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/50002-what-does-mean-3.html[/url]

so it's over and done. i'm not gonna lie, i am sad and mad at the same time.


so today he texts me back that hes ****ed up because he cant believe he buried his brother and his emotions are messed up and i deserve someone better.

he then calls me and says he is going back 2 his country and i say so thats it and he said he told me from the beginning tht he was leaving.

so then we text and he says that all the time we are together, i just called him cute and he was the one to always call me beautiful and sexy. he says when he went back to his country, he met a woman who thinks she is beautiful and sexy. i tell him i never told him my emotions because i didnt want to be hurt

so im like ur with someone and he says no that he just buried his brother.

then he says our cultures are different and they really wouldnt accept me because im western.

and that going back opened his eyes that i couldnt assimilate to the muslim culture. he said even being america for him was hard.
then he said hes really sorry

then i said how could u hurt me.

and he said i still love you but its best for both of us.

he said in order for his family to blessed by allah, its best for him to be with a muslim woman.

i feel so stupid he could have told me this shit before. he made it seem like he wanted all this shit and now its just whatever

he said he will see me on sunday so we can talk in person.

Awww, I am really, really sorry to hear this, but it seems it is and what I was suspecting it would be....another woman and a Muslim woman.

I have seen and read so many stories that is 'exactly' like the one you are telling now. Some female will get involved with a Muslim guy, she falls heavily in love with him and then further down the line he will turn around and tell her he cannot marry her. That he is expected to marry and promised to some woman from his native country and it's always a woman from his own culture and another Muslim like himself. These men will and have turned their backs on 'true love' and to marry a woman they don't even hardly know. They don't tend to marry for love, but for status and other such things and it's usually always a Muslim woman they marry....one of their own kind.

This is the way these people are hon and it's rare they break away from traditions. The pressure from their families and to marry within their culture and religion is 'strong' and very few will dare break away. Breaking away results in being abandoned by their families and family values are a huge part of Islam is....

What makes me annoyed about these guys though is, they KNOWINGLY get involved with Western women and 'knowing' that the relationship he has with her, is going to lead nowhere!! Why therefore will they get involved with Western women and a woman whose heart he knows he is going to break? It is very selfish of them to do this!!!

It depends upon how strict his family is and as to whether you would have been accepted or not. Very few accept those from outside of Islam - and it's a 'given' that you would have been expected to convert to Islam to be totally accepted and to marry this guy. Any children you may have had, would also be brought up as Muslims.

Would you have been prepared to go this far and for this guy? To give up your life and as you know it now?? Because that is what you'd have been expected to do and if you hadn't been prepared to do this, then he is right and it would have caused all sorts of problems for you.

Again, really sorry to hear this

[xxazurexx]

And perhaps it is for the best. At least he was honest with you this time.

Yes he was.....and his honesty came too late. She loves him now.

He should have been 'honest' with her from the very start! Then based upon the info she had, she could have made her own choice as to whether to continue the relationship or move on....

[xxazurexx]

im 23. well no it wasnt over. i still stayed loyal and tried supporting him. and i was lying to myself, yes, i did talk to a guy but we arent going out on a date. i just called him to take my mind off him. i feel like shit. i felt like he lead me on. he said his family was open-minded and now its they wouldnt acept me because im western.

What a twat and particulary saying they were 'open minded'.

It was off and on what I heard and when I was involved with the one in my situation. He said his would accept me....funny I never got to meet them though and I was kept a secret.

I'm still friends with the one I know and have been for 2 years which has been hard. A year prior to this, we were in a relationship. As far as I'm aware, there is no one else in his life and we didn't part so he could run off to marry someone else, he was already married but seperated, so he claimed. There is a distance between us and it kinda turned to friends.

End of the day though, what the heck do I really know? I know nothing at all of his real life situation other than what he's fed me.....
If I suspected for one minute he was married/about to marry though...I'd be gone from his life, pronto!

[Homelife]

What hurts most is he talked as if we had a future but now, it's our cultures will clash. I ****ing hate him. When before it was, you have morals, you are this and that. I would love for you to be my wife. He was the one who kept pushing for us to be together. I remember I asked him to come to the wedding as my date and he was like no as your man. It's like why ****ing be with me then. i hope karma gets back at him. i dont deserve this. i should have known. how are muslim people open minded especially if they lived in a islam country all their life? and he still claims he love me, yeah right. it hurts i thought he was different.

[sookie6]

If it can make you feel better, a young nieghbour of mine (from a muslim family) gave up a girl he liked to marry someone his mother chose for him. One year later they are getting a divorve...the girl was mental and insulted his parents...

anyway she was a girl carefully picked by the mother...and all should have gone perfectly well...the young man agreed and nobody was forced into marriage...

But whatever people say or think an arrange marriage boils down to sharing a life with someone you barely know and it's a big leap of faith...I call it the lotery...sometimes you loose...

So you're hurting now...but you might be the one to have the last laugh in the long term...

You will meet someone better.

[xxazurexx]

What hurts most is he talked as if we had a future but now, it's our cultures will clash. I ****ing hate him. When before it was, you have morals, you are this and that. I would love for you to be my wife. He was the one who kept pushing for us to be together. I remember I asked him to come to the wedding as my date and he was like no as your man. It's like why ****ing be with me then. i hope karma gets back at him. i dont deserve this. i should have known. how are muslim people open minded especially if they lived in a islam country all their life? and he still claims he love me, yeah right. it hurts i thought he was different.

You sound really upset but then I'm not surprised. How long were you together?

I think these guys should come with a warning 'DON'T GET INVOLVED'.

Even those who have lived in the West all their lives, will still run off and marry a Muslim woman. It's something that is just expected and instilled in these guys from birth, no matter where they live.

[Homelife]

If it can make you feel better, a young nieghbour of mine (from a muslim family) gave up a girl he liked to marry someone his mother chose for him. One year later they are getting a divorve...the girl was mental and insulted his parents...

anyway she was a girl carefully picked by the mother...and all should have gone perfectly well...the young man agreed and nobody was forced into marriage...

But whatever people say or think an arrange marriage boils down to sharing a life with someone you barely know and it's a big leap of faith...I call it the lotery...sometimes you loose...

So you're hurting now...but you might be the one to have the last laugh in the long term...

You will meet someone better.

Yeah, he said that woman thinks the world of him. It's like if you just met her. Doesn't sound like love to me. Sounds like a ****ing arrangement. If he wants to live his life as an arragement, then good luck to him.

You sound really upset but then I'm not surprised. How long were you together?

I think these guys should come with a warning 'DON'T GET INVOLVED'.

Even those who have lived in the West all their lives, will still run off and marry a Muslim woman. It's something that is just expected and instilled in these guys from birth, no matter where they live.

i know it was too fast but only a few months. the thing is everything was so intense emotionally driven he told me everything how he grew up about his life. everything pointing to having a future. and i didnt think i could be the one to fall fast but i swear being with him felt like i knew him forever. and he seemed to have similar morals and intelligent and sweet. but it was fantasy and factitious.my heart is so broken i never knew i could hurt like this.i barely ate yesterday and today so far i didnt even eat. i dont even wanna do my homework. i dont know how he can claim to be a good person or a muslim and be deceitful to me. if i treated him bad i can understand but i swear i was good to him.

[xxazurexx]

If you google about this stuff, you will be surprised at just how many are in your situation or who have been.

All the stories seem to begin in the 'exact' same way and most end in 'exactly' the same way.

I know what you are describing and because I was totally swept away by my guy also. It was a whirlwind and from start to finish. I've never been treated so good nor received so much attention from any other guy in my life, that I did from him. Don't be too hard on yourself and because I'm a female who ALWAYS is cautious and because I've been shit on in the past....but I fell hard too, as did all these other women I've read stories about. There is just 'something' about these guys...guess they just know how to woo women and break our fcking hearts at same time

So are you still going to meet with him and talk?

[xxazurexx]

Mind you....I've learned and always to be wary of guys who move too quickly!!!

Unfortunately I learned that 3 years, too late

I guess we take from it and learn.

[Homelife]

Thank you so much everyone!

I am so over it even though I sound upset,lol. I'm too young, too beautiful, too good of a person to cry over him. Besides, I think deep down inside I knew he wasn't the one. I know I will get over this soon.

Yeah, hopefully I meet him. I will just remind him how he let a good one go. No way am I gonna beg a guy to be with me or change myself for a man. Anyways, I should have known. It seems like he wanted me to cook and clean and it seemed like he didnt expect me to finsish my schooling. And I will let him know that I can have another him in a minute. I feel better especially talking to my friends. Life goes on.

3 years isn't too late is not too late u still learned a valuable lesson. it just makes you wiser. everybody gets hurt

[vashti]

I am so over it even though I sound upset,lol. I'm too young, too beautiful, too good of a person to cry over him. Besides, I think deep down inside I knew he wasn't the one. I know I will get over this soon.

No way am I gonna beg a guy to be with me or change myself for a man.

I will let him know that I can have another him in a minute. I feel better especially talking to my friends. Life goes on.

I'm glad you are so resilient, and in all fairness, he also deserves to have someone who cares enough to cry over him, regardless of how "young, beautiful, and good" she is.. Perhaps your lack of depth of caring was something he realized wouldn't work in the long run.

[Homelife]

I'm glad you are so resilient, and in all fairness, he also deserves to have someone who cares enough to cry over him, regardless of how "young, beautiful, and good" she is.. Perhaps your lack of depth of caring was something he realized wouldn't work in the long run.

Excuse me but I am a caring person. I cried over him yesterday and today. And yes I am young and yes I am beautiful I don't think strangers would lie to me. I'm not perfect and I'm not for everyone but I have a lot of good qualities about myself. If I treated him like garbage I can understand.
And when his brother was sick, P prayed for him everyday. And when he said his brother died, I prayed for him too. He also had a health issue and I tried to get him help and tried to be supportive. If anything, maybe I didn't compliment him as much but I am not experienced with men and actions speak louder than words. I showed him I cared.
He even said I was a caring person,etc

If felt I wasn't the one, he should have told me from the jump. I'm not a total victim I should have listened to my instincts but I didn't deserve too. he broke my heart. i was gonna tell him i loved him and wanted only him but since his brother died, i felt it was right. i was gonna tell him how good he is for me. i was gonna unleash my emotions. but of course that didnt happen.

i dont know how a woman he just met thinks the world of him, sounds like it is just an arrangement.