Conflict over graduation ceremony invite..

[Yarr]

Hi,

got a little question for you guys (bear with me)..

I finished university in July, and recently just got the news about when the graduation ceremony is, along with the forms to fill in about when I will attend, who my +1's are and everything..

.. and I'm falling out with my girlfriend about it because I didn't invite her.

Here's the thing; I could not give a damn about graduation - I have my degree, and that's all that matters (I don't particularly care much for the degree itself either, but that's a story for another time and place). If I feel like celebrating it, which I don't, I'd celebrate it in my own way, not dressed up at some goddamn function for a glossy photo I could take after a visit to the fancy dress store. As I see it, these ceremonies are fine if you're into that sort of thing, but as the culmination of university seems to be essentially a bunch of ****ing photographs.. it's just ridiculous. I went to uni to get a degree, I got the degree, done.

As I see it, this graduation this is a waste of time, a day that will be endless, boring, and difficult to cope with being herded around a building, having to sit in a particular chair, get up at a particular time, and such. And look pleased, or at least mildly bemused, through it all.

My girlfriend, however, is kinda the opposite. She loves graduations (compared to me), sees them as a chance for closure and a mark of the end of a "chapter" in one's life, and she's right, I guess. For those that are into that kinda thing. Anyways, she got to asking when it is, and who I'm taking with me, and I explained to her that I'm taking two people with me who I "owe" it to; my mum and a family friend. I guess they've earned it for their support and help over the years. They sure feel its their right to go.

What with my not caring for graduations, placing no value on them (in fact mildly hating them), I figured just invite the two (that have been particularly invested in my education, and saw that I went to uni) and get the day over with. What the hell, it's gonna be a crap day anyway. January in the UK, folks...
I didn't invite my gf, assuming she knew my approach to graduations (fools assume, I know). Contrary to what she thinks, if it were an event I was into/actually proud of attending/having achieved something, I'd have invited my her.

The twist in the tale is that my mother doesn't know I'm seeing this lass, whom I love dearly. This is a huge part of not inviting my her, because if she did come, that would make the whole day and from there unbelievably awkward with questions and crap from my mum. She's not the type to keep quiet about things, and before I'd have blinked, the whole family and her friends would know, giving rise to more questions and crap. I wouldn't be able to stand it; I'm quite a private guy. What I do and who I see in my life is my business, not anyone else's to shout from the rooftops to all and sundry.

I'm mainly going to this graduation thing to appease my mother so she can get her damn photo she's so hellbent on getting. Won't be going to the dinner thing or reception or any of that crap. It won't be a day to remember or enjoy or cherish... As I see it, my gf isn't missing out on anything; it's not an event in my life I give a damn about or will be proud of.. it's a nonentity. A waste of a day. She says she'd have said no had I invited her anyway, to spare me the misery of questioning (She has an aversion to those kinds of Q's too), which she probably would have, but nonetheless, if she'd have said no to attending this event I'd rather not be at, let alone my gf.. am I really that wrong in not inviting her in the first place?

[vashti]

I don't really understand what the big deal was with you inviting her. You KNEW it was important to her. If you were worried about introducing her to your mother at graduation, you could simply have introduced her beforehand. And why all the secrecy? Do you think you are the first son ever to introduce their girlfriend to their mother? Your reaction seems a little immature.

[Ailish]

first of all congratulations on the degree...I am just looking into mine..I envy you!

I think you perhaps should have considered your girlfriends feelings the way you have considered your mothers? I mean you are going to this thing, smiling etc so she can get her photo. Why then not consider why your girlfriend might want to help with this closure/important day?
I appreciate that could cause problems and obviously i don't know the family politics, and you don't broadcast things but why hide it? Does your girlfriend know this is an issue? I think I would be a bit annoyed at a guy who wanted to aparently 'hide' our relationship.

I think your only crime here is simply of being a man, guys and gals just dont' think the same unfortunately.

Have you tried talking to your GF about all this?

[Michael6084]

first off, you obviously don't care, but she does. if you are going anyway, why not invite her?

i don't care about that whole "awkwardness" about your mom and your gf meeting each other on your graduation day, they will meet eventually sooner or later and your mom will want to know either way.

let's say you do marry this girl several years from now, and since you are allegedly a private person, does that mean you don't talk about your gf to your mom about how you're getting married? you simply mention her and who she is and that's it? through the eyes of a parent, her son is going to potentially stay with the woman for the rest of her life, and she doesn't know too much who she is.

my point is: if you're going to go to graduation and your mother is invited, invited your girlfriend too. since this is your day, they should be focused on your ceremony instead of having a discussion about your gf if they're mature. of course they will talk about it, but you'll be in much more of a spotlight.

you have to grow up, not be self-centered, and invite your gf. she's proud of you regardless of what you think and would be much happier if you brought her.