Hi guys,
Bit of a long story this one, so please bear with me.
I have a friend who I have known for around 5-7 years. I met her initially when she was in a relationship with another of my friends (we kinda fell out a while back though) and I always thought she was cool, but never really thought of her as more than a friend.
A few years later when me and my other friend kind of fell out, I stopped hanging around with that group so much, and therefore didn't see her much for a while, other than on occasions like people birthdays, etc. Again, we always got on but there was never anything more than friendship there.
So a couple of years ago, she had a pretty nasty breakup with this guy. They basically hate each other now. I hadn't seen either of them in quite a long time. Nat (the girl in question) ended up coming to my Birthday party out of the blue, which was a nice surprise, but at the time there was still no attraction that i'm aware of. I saw Nat a few times after that (did some work with her at a festival, probably a few more social occasions like Birthdays, etc) but not regularly.
So fast forward to mid-last year, and Nat got hold of me out of the blue to say she wanted to come to a festival with me (I had put a message on facebook seeing who was coming). I was really pleased to hear from her, and let her know the details, etc. A few months later I was due to go to an event that got cancelled, and she got hold of me and invited me to a party with her. I hadn't seen her in ages, and I think that was the first time I really felt any attraction to her. Then when we went to the festival, I spent quite a lot of time with her, and we found ourselves becoming closer friends than before. From then (pretty much exactly a year ago) we started hanging around a lot more. We always enjoy eachothers company and have a brilliant time together, and we have become very close.
So probably some time earlier in this year I realized that I was falling for her big time. However, having been friends for a long time, and close friends for a while, I have found it really difficult to tell her. I really don't want to lose her, as she's one of the most amazing people I have ever met: beautiful, kind, sweet, caring, intelligent, funny. I sometimes wonder why she spends time with me.
I feel like I have had a few opportunities to make a move on her. We have shared beds a few times, and on occasion we have hugged/spooned all night. However I have always shyed away for fear of losing such an amazing friend - what if she's just affectionate? We're comfortable with eachother so that wouldn't be surprising. I also have issues with self-esteem and confidence with women: i'm 28 but i've never had a proper relationship before. She's 34, and has had lots of relationships/sexual experience. I guess I find that intimidating, I sometimes feel that even if we did go for it that I wouldn't be able to please her. But on the other hand she is very kind and understanding, so maybe she would make allowances...?
As you can probably tell, my head is a mess about this. I feel like a wreck for days after I see her, but when i'm with her I find it really tough to muster the courage to talk to her about this.
Any advice at all would be really appreciated.