girlfriend is friends with her ex

[signmeupno1]

hi guys new here first post

my girlfriend who i love very much and care for very much
her n her ex broke up around 6 months ago they dated for 8 years and were engaged but set no date etc
theyre friends and his stuff is in black bags in the cupboard waiting for him to collect but apparently he has no toom for them .... they text each other know and then about random stuff mostly hi etc

theyre going to a concert together at the end of this month and they got the tickets when they were dating
when they broke up the 2 weeks after they had sex and sges says it was purely just sex

they both say as first loves they still love each other n always will and she cares for him as a friend and nothing more

i feel if they had sex after becoming friends am i in the way of something there both dating people and i feel like she shouldnt be going to the concert with him ...it makes me doubt his intentions and if she"d let it happen even though shes never cheated

ive told her i dont like the fact there goin together and why are they still friends?
but ti no avail shes still goin with him

my question

what am i to do here please be honest and i dont want drama

[xxazurexx]

So despite knowing that you are not happy with this arrangement, she chooses her ex over you and is still set on going on to this concert with him. Looks like your feelings don't matter to her, she lacks respect for you and your relationship.

8 years is s long time....they are finding it hard to 'let go' of one another.

I'd ditch her. Plenty more females out there and females who wont and don't carry 'ex baggage' over into new relationships.

[signmeupno1]

i do love her but feel im replacing him and i dunno how to say its either if you go with him were over or stay friends but not that close even at that i feel its just kidding myself ro think there just friends they broke up once before n dated n got back together ....im in tears i just want her n stop having him alwats being there in a way plus she wants to be friends with his mum and has arranged lch with her

[SelflessnHumble]

Look, bro...how you feel is 100% justified...Allow me to tell you the truth about what is going on...

She dated a guy for nearly one whole decade...They decided to remain friends...(Still with me?)
HIS shit is in her house: which hasn't been picked up in SIX whole months...K...

They were each others first love...SHE still has feelings for him, this much is true.
Do NOT mistake titles and dates as anything meaningful, k? It could have been 2 months after breaking up...
Feelings like these do NOT just go away, evident by her sleeping with him...

Since you haven't given us the whole story we can only deduce and observe based on the shallow information you've given here...

It doesn't change my advice though:
Sit her down and tell her: "I love you and care about you very much...When I feel this way about a girl, I want her to know
that she is the only one for me: as I am for her...All of my ex girlfriends are history...I don't keep in contact with them because I don't
love them, nor care about them...I don't spend my valuable time with them because I love you: and I feel it would dishonor our relationship
and hurt your feelings which is something I would never intentionally do...

So, then...I want you to know that the fact your exes personal effects are still at your house, and the fact you are going out with him
to a concert seems to invalidate our relationship and its closeness I used to feel...What are your thoughts?"

Then listen to what she says: why?
This is all about communication...She will tell you what is important to her.
She may tell you she is not going to stop being his friend, just because you are jealous: but the point is:
Maybe you aren't jealous...Maybe, you have standards and basic principles that would preclude you from doing the same thing that makes you feel uncomfortable...

If she invalidates your feelings: then she doesn't truly care about YOU nor your feelings.
And a girl like that is a piece of shit, and doesn't deserve your dedication and level of commitment that you've afforded her...

Man it up: and tell her with confidence, humility and assertiveness.
It's not about the ex, it's more about the fact she is spending time with someone who should be inconsequential to both your lives
BUT she has somehow allowed his stuff to remain there: and I suspect it is a way of keeping the line open whenever he decides to see her...

Who broke it up and why?

[signmeupno1]

he broke up with her to ply the field and wanted out as they argued alot and her friends say shes been happuer being with me


i appreciate the replys and more of what to say is appreciated

[IncognitoSir]

You're going to have to let her go. He left her, to go meet other women.......the fact that she even talks to him proves she's basically going to wait for him to possibley come back. She's just using you as a place holder bro. Let her go.

[SelflessnHumble]

he broke up with her to ply the field and wanted out as they argued alot and her friends say shes been happuer being with me


i appreciate the replys and more of what to say is appreciated

K, so he broke up the relationship (for those bullshit reasons) : which usually means SHE is still connected to him (physically apart but emotionally still attached)
There is nothing more to say than what I typed out in BOLD to tell her.
Her response and how she does it will tell you how she feels about you.

[signmeupno1]

im going to see her soon n just say i just want an honest answer and i think id be ok if just she didnt go to the concert with him and stayed friends fine and stopped the reasons to see him eventually with his stuff being therr to pickup at somepoint

[xxazurexx]

Don't be afraid to lose her...tell her 'exactly' how you are thinking and feeling.

If you lose her and after saying what you want to say, she wasn't worth your time anyway.

Good Luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should break up with her, but don't make it about the concert. Just say that you're uncomfortable that their relationship takes precedence over yours and you can't deal with it anymore. She probably will want to work it out, but if not, you've done yourself a favor by breaking up with her. I suspect she'll do what she needs to placate you.