infatuated

[jamie2010taylor]

hi im jamie 19, and i live in halls in london. recently (3-4 weeks ago) had a party organised by my halls in which everyone turned up including a girl who only really came to my attention then. Before i hadn't been so aware of her, i just acknowledged her looks when i passed her in the dinner hall. At the time i thought she's very pretty (been told shes a model) but ive been around beautiful girls before and i know well it is a common thing. however, for the first time i feel something. it's weird and if im honest ive never really expierenced anything like this. ive had previous girlfriends but they wern't long lasting, i think its fair to say ive never been in love actually.

i feel an urge to meet her now, its a hard thing to explain and a friend described it as infatuation, where you get butterflies when you hear her name mentioned and an increased heart rate when you see her. i don't even know this girl and yet i feel something for her. i only recently realised she's on my floor but lives further down the corridor so we only pass each other in the lift which is not very often. Anyway since noticing her at that party ive seen signs of interest from her like when she's walking down the corridor she gives me a stare and then smiles. At dinner i'll be sitting with my friends (she has a different group) and i can see her looking over my direction rather often. but the best instance was (before the infatuation started) i was standing in the queue at dinner behind her and while talking to her friends she several times turned around in my direction and quickly glancing at me. i really dont want to sound cocky in any way but i have always been told im a nice looking guy by people (did modelling a couple of years ago). I'm socially confident, and have a great group of friends in my halls, but when i think about this girl i either feel excited or frustrated (lack of chances to meet her).

now we get to my question to you guys, since the party despite my crush on her ive been playing it cool, looking back at her at dinner from time to time, just to let her know ive now noticed her. but for me it's not enough i just want to meet her (in a subtle way) even if i see her in the lift i want to smile and at least say hi (Although sod's law it hasnt happened recently) my problem is we have very few mutual friends which makes life difficult for me to actually meet her. i spoke to a guy last saturday night who ive seen hang out with her at dinner and made a special effort with him, (invited him to sit with my friends and offered him some of my beers) and just asked him who she is really. he said he'd introduce us at dinner and even though i would be fine with that, it just seems too obvious.
i guess what im asking is how can i do this? whats the best approach to take with regard to my situation. ive never obsessed about a girl like this before and the worst part is i dont even know her. all i know is that i have to at least meet her whatever it takes. Also based on what ive said do you think she fancies me also?

time is also short as i think the halls contracts expire in a couple of months, so any help would be much appreciated.

cheers,

[amazinglyshik]

Hi,

Perhaps the informal introduction through this friend might not be an 'obvious' affirmation of you desiring her? - Just because you asked about her, does not mean that her friend is going to announce your interests and set you both up. If anything, she will admire your confidence for an informal greeting, even though it was orchestrated by another person. It doesn't really matter how an introduction starts
as long as you behave in a relaxed and casual way and not leap into a desperate mode of awkward behaviour - she will pick up on this very quickly if you reveal fidgety anxiety and read into your body langauge in the wrong way.

Waiting for the right moment to ask her and/or bump into her might make you lose your confidence, no matter how outgoing and popular you are. Time waits for no one as they say! - she might have plans to leave before the due date arrives and has made other plans, she might get called away unexpectedly from her studies because of a family crisis or asked out by another male friend? - there is a huge gaping hole between a few days and a week in this situation, I know because I have been there myself.

If it is easier and more practical, give her guy friend a note from you to introduce yourself to her (a few lines: Hi, I'm John from the B Block - in the Reds soccer team..saw you at the party and want to ask if you are free this week to come to the open cafe in J Bloggs before term ends. My number is () if you are interested or you can find me at HJ Bar Wednesday night after 7pm. John ). A female is won over by a man who can show initiative and confidence like this, so please don't be scared off by what reaction you might get by doing it. They like to know that someone is intersted in them in particular, so asking her out on a quasi-date speaks more volumes than asking her outright or being put in an uncomfortable position another way.

Also, I think maybe you fear that you will be considered arrogant instead of confident: never mix the two up in your mind - arrogance/egotistical men will just blurt and boast their way forward or make a complete fool of themselves by getting drunk and splurging their feelings too readily. By doing the note, you are being confident and casual and allowing her to be intrigued by your request to meet up. You will be getting her individual attention of you by doing something proactive yet polite, so a note is one of the best ways forward if your nerves get the better of you by waiting for the right moment and/or having to be placed on the spot through her male friend.

Chances are, he has probably already informed her about your asking about her if he knows her well enough. University is one of those places where information gets around pretty fast from my own personal experiences because people have time on their hands. However, this is a good thing if she knows because now she will be hoping or anticipating some action from you to follow up the interest you have in her. Leaving it and doing nothing now that her male friend knows and likely told her or someone else she knows, will have her wanting some kind of proof from you that you do indeed like her a lot.

Get scribbling something down for her - don't write a long and complex love letter, just a brief note as demonstrated above. All she needs to know are two things: that you are interested and want to know more about her.

I hope that she returns the favour and does meet up with you, I can't see any reason why not if she made the effort to flirt back. If you don't hear anything back for a week or so, don't let this worry you - women like to keep men guessing about their intentions and the longer they leave it, the better in most cases as they too don't want to come accross as desperate and awkward around someone they like.
Take it as a good sign!

Good luck and reassure yourself that once you have done the note, you will have all of your anxieties taken from your shoulders and the ball is in then her court to make the next move. You sound like a great chap, so I am positive that you will catch this one before halls contract runs out and she will be left enamoured by you to miss out on a date!

[jamie2010taylor]

Thankyou for the advice, and it does sound like my most probable option. ive got to wait three weeks now annoyingly because she's gone home for easter break, so i think in the mean time ill try my best to get to know some more people who ive seen her hang out with, although in the hope that they havnt gone away either. It is a difficult one, i did also think of a quick intro when i next passed her by in the lift and then inviting to sit with her in our local park just to get to know each other, but again thats relying on chance a bit, and might be a bit to forward for first meeting her.