We were together 3 years and we broke up 4 months ago. When I broke up with her, it came as a surprise to her. We were in a big fight and things just got worse and worse, and to be truthful, I have been unhappy for a while when the fight happened that she wasn't aware of, so one thing lead to another, I decided to end it. While it all seem very sudden and abrupt to her, it wasn't so much the case with me. I told her the spark was gone and I was no longer happy with the relationship.
We cut off all contact when we broke up and I moved out of state to start graduate school, so it was a good fresh start for me. Today, she emailed me a long message. Wanting some sort of closure, or explanation, and that I gave up on something very special and was not truthful with my feelings. Shes not completely false. I did give up, could I have salvaged the relationship by saying something much earlier? maybe, but you can say that about any relationship. But at the same time, during my 4 months apart, I did not at any point want to get back with her or want to contact her. I do secretly, and selfishly wish her and I can be friends again in the future. I don't think I still hold resentment towards her, I wish her to be happy. I can't go back and recount what went wrong and what we could have done to change things. I wish I can give her the closure she needs but I don't think I'm able to give her a satisfying response. Also, I don't think I have it completely figured out either...
so how should I respond to her? I don't want to hurt her any more, but I don't want to give her false hopes. I love her but there are things that I just don't think can be changed for me to be in a happy relationship with her. I want to give her closure but I don't think I can... help, thanks