The devastating effects of feminine beauty and allure.. and how to cope?

[V37E00E]

I'm not sure what exactly to categorize this question. I didn't want to put it in the "Love Advice" forum because this is not really about love. Ideally I would like to seek opinions/advice from both genders, but I guess putting this in both the "ask a male/female" sections would be double posting so I'll just post it here. Moderators please re-categorize if necessary..

First of all I want to say this is not a huge issue, its not really bothering me that much. I might talk to a psychiatrists about this if it doesn't improve, but my firs thought is the internet is more anonymous. Maybe I'm thinking that by writing about it might make it feel better or alleviate it and cause it to go away.. I'd like to know if there are other guys in similar situation that have these issues and it would be great to here from the other side (other gender) as well..

I know this might sound quite silly, and it is indeed a little bit embarrassing to admit, but lately more often than not I feel "intoxicated" (not sure if that's the right word, I'll clarify below) when in the presence of females my age, especially if they are relatively to extremely attractive (physical appearance).. All guys (including myself) like to look at beautiful women/girls whether they be supermodels on the front of magazines, online, or in 'real life' at a grocery store, shopping mall, outdoors, etc.. That is a self-evident given. But I think for some reason some of us (such as myself, for example) are much more prone and pre-inclined to be receptive and appreciative of the aesthetics of feminine/womanly beauty than others. It doesn't help that I'm usually quiet, introverted and shy, but although reclusiveness does make it worse, I really think I'd be this way and have this "problem" even if I was much more outgoing.. And although I'm single I honestly don't think that has anything much to do with it either.. in fact it could even make it worse if I wasn't single (I'll explain below) .. I have to say this feeling is not the same as loneliness or a longing or yearning for love.. and I'm not really sure its lust or infatuation either.. its hard to define..

A prime example would be in the computer labs/ libraries.. The college I go to has a lot of computer labs and usually its all jam packed with a lot of people coming and going. For some reason even in some of the more "geekier" buildings there are still a fair number of attractive girls that frequent the labs. I usually use those computers to read up on assignments, do projects and get my hmwk done.. but everytime a halfway decent looking female walks in I just have to resist the urge to glance up (and being the relatively shy person that I am I hate it when I catch myself staring at other girls, even though I do enjoy eyeing them like any other male..) I get embarrassed even when I see OTHER guys overtly stealing a glance at then so called "hotties" when they pass by.. I tend not to want to psychoanalyze myself, but the hypocrisy of it all does get to me. Our labs are randomly seated so I can't really put myself in a corner and get what I need to do done without being subjected to this effect.. Usually I have plenty of work that needs to be done so I tend to spend a couple hours most days. Whenever a really attractive girl seats next to me (or sometimes across, etc) it just has this almost devastating intoxicating effect on me.. I just COMPLETELY lose my train of thought, and whatever it was that I was working on totally flies out the window and I have trouble concentrating... Its like I get temporary OCD/ADHD whenever it happens or something.. I pretty much refrain from "taking a look" or that slick sideways glance or whatever.. but sometimes I really can't help it. I try to "zone it out" and pretend to be continuing on my studies but the truth is its no help at all.. Even when I don't look its still in the back of my mind and I think there must be a biological explanation to how a guys "peripheral vision" (not just visuals, but more like an intuitive sensing) can detect and scope out an attractive female from far away.. and when they are very close, their "presence" is almost impossible to ignore. I do my best to act as normal as possible (and I'm very good at the whole "indifference" thing, etc) but inside I know I'm just fooling myself.. Even when I'm staring at my own monitor and forcing myself to get back on track, its almost like my subconscious "knows" locationally that they are "there" close-by and I'm still distracted..

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT trying to work up the courage to talk to them, or befriend them, or anything else like that.. And its not "lust", more like infatuation.. like back in elementary school days when I was a little boy and the feeling I'd get when sitting next to a pretty girl .. its not sexual in nature.. I think its the aesthetical beauty of the feminine gender that really has that kind of intoxicating, alluring, magnetic effect on me.. And its not just one "type" of beautiful girl that has this effect on me either, so even if I had a girlfriend I doubt this would alleviate this issue.. Sometimes I'm secretly envious of those who are in relationships, but I think its just a distraction when one temporarily overwhelms oneself with this one other special and significant other.. Perhaps the guys who are in love don't have this problem? To me it seems I can't even make up my mind which type of beauty is most beautiful, and no one girl no matter how "good" she looks is ever emotionally "enough" from an aesthetic standpoint and perspective.. To be totally blunt, I'm sure that if I actually spent the time or had to opportunity to speak with these girls and get to know some of them I would find most of their personalities to be totally boring and uninteresting and undeserving of admiration.. (as I'm sure likewise the feeling would be mutual) but that's just the problem.. this is not about love, or relationships or dating.. its almost like I have this instinctive primitive primordial pheromone-ic attraction towards all of these females and when I'm around them or near their presence I always end up inevitably feeling totally helpless..

Anyway sorry for the very long rambling rant/etc.. If anyone can relate to this, or offer any advice it would be great. I' d like to know if any other guys are having trouble with this, and if girls have the same issues with guys.. (if you are a girl do guys have this same "distracting" effect on you even when you try not to think about it?) It would be good to know this wasn't gender specific. I know I could just remove myself from those situations and do homework on my own computer, but that was just an example.. I encounter this in many other situations several time a day, almost to the point where sometimes I want to remove myself from situations where it might happen.. This happens at the library, at a store, a park, restaurant.. its just most prominent in situations where their proximity is closest. So I do have this "emotional" almost neurotic dilemma that I'd very much like to get rid of or at least be able to overcome. I thought I'd become "desensitized" to this effect over time as I adapt to it, but its only getting worse

[doppelgaenger]

I used to feel that way until I went out with a couple of girls. I've been pretty desensitized since then. In fact, I'm hardly ever attracted to women now.

[Lulu]

Yeah- women can get that way about men too. I think I've gone through phases, though. Sometimes it is worse than others, whether I was involved with someone or not. I am sure it is hormonal and just enjoy it instead of feeling uneasy about it.