Where do I stand?

[emmajane1181]

I've been with my boyfriend for just short of 6 months, and on Thursday night be ended things. His reason being, he couldn't say he was in love with me. I had had a freak out earlier in the day and had asked him, looking for reassurance. He told me he didn't know if he believed there to be a distinction between being in love, and loving someone. When he realised I wanted him to be in love with me, he ended as he didn't believe he could give me what I wanted. All through Friday he contacted me, saying he was feeling empty and numb. He called me drunk a few times that evening, but said the same things - I wanted more than he could offer. We arranged to meet on Saturday to talk things through face to face. It went ok, and we decided to go to his place for drinks. We didn't really broach the topic of us until much later into the evening. It was getting late, and he asked if I was staying over. I said yes, and he replied "ok, but we're not having sex". I told him that hadn't entered my mind, and we forgot about it. We stayed up talking late into the night, and again he told me how I had been the best girlfriend he had ever had, and that he thought I was a wonderful person. He said we should be together, and that he was afraid how he would react when I met someone new. We eventually went to bed at 5am, and ended up sleeping ogether. I didn't initiate it - he kissed me, and said that's what he wanted. I wanted the same. It happened again the morning after, and we spent the following day hanging out watching TV. We cuddled all day, and when the evening came, he asked if I wanted to spend the night again. I said I didn't know, but I did in the end. He cuddled all night, and it felt like any other night. The morning after we got ready for work. Nothing was said at all, we just made the usual chit chat. Before I got off the bus, he kissed me and, again, it felt like it usually did. I haven't heard a thing from his since I left this morning, and I'm avoiding contacting him. I want him to contact me. I should point out that yesterday, he was sitting next to me and I saw that he was talking to his friend via text. He told his friend that things had gone ok with us, but that he didn't really know what was happening between us.

Our relationship has been pretty much perfect since day 1. We get on so well, and have a lot of fun together. I can't believe he would want to throw that away.

I wish I knew what was going on in his head, and I'm terrified that he'll get in touch and say it really is over. I'm so confused - it seems as though he wants us to still be together but, as nothing's been said, I'm in limbo.

Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated!

[smackie9]

Do you spend a lot of time together? because that is usually why relationships fizzle out quickly. If you give more space (including not texting ) for you both to go do your own thing, it keeps things fresh. Kudos to you for going no contact......maybe that is all this relationship needs.

[emmajane1181]

Do you spend a lot of time together? because that is usually why relationships fizzle out quickly. If you give more space (including not texting ) for you both to go do your own thing, it keeps things fresh. Kudos to you for going no contact......maybe that is all this relationship needs.

Thanks for your reply.

We see each other one day during the week, and then all Saturday and Sunday. We're always out and about doing things, and make an effort to see friends.

Still not heard anything from him...beginning to wonder whether I will!

[Ann S]

This is a difficult situation, but you HAVE to have some BOUNDARIES about this. Don't be at his beck and call so much. He also told you that he didn't know the difference between being in love, and loving someone. This indicates that he might not really be in touch with how he feels about you. That doesn't bode so well for a 6 month relationship. I say, stop being terrified, get on with your day, what is going to happen will happen, and believe that whatever happens is for the best. Why try to hang on to someone who isn't fully committed to you and to having a relationship with you? I wouldn't. Ann

[emmajane1181]

Thanks for your input Ann. I genuinely believe that he does love me, but I see what you're saying. I shouldn't be at his beck and call so much. I'll let him come to me when he's ready to talk. I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but like you say what's going to happen will happen.

[smackie9]

Your relationship sounds like it was well balanced so that isn't the issue then.

I hate to be a party pooper but when someone does a 180 degree turn and has doubts about how they feel, it's usually means they like someone else, a co-worker, someone they have met recently or an ex.

If it were me I would face him head on and ask where do you stand, is there a relationship or not, and if he couldn't give an answer then that is your answer.....it's over.

[emmajane1181]

Your relationship sounds like it was well balanced so that isn't the issue then.

I hate to be a party pooper but when someone does a 180 degree turn and has doubts about how they feel, it's usually means they like someone else, a co-worker, someone they have met recently or an ex.

If it were me I would face him head on and ask where do you stand, is there a relationship or not, and if he couldn't give an answer then that is your answer.....it's over.

I'm pretty sure there's noone else. He'd been single for over 2 years before me, and never pursued an ex. You're right - I need to ask him straight

[smackie9]

I didn't mean he was seeing someone, just that he might be interested in pursuing someone or met someone he likes and is now wondering "what if" or is there something else out there. And sometimes peoples feelings fade after the honeymoon stage of a relationship (6mons to a year and a half). But hey I'm only going through the possibilities.

Anyways he isn't being very fair to you that's for sure.....so don't let him string you along with wishy washy promises. Don't be afraid to walk away.