First i want to say i love my fiance and i know he loves me.
The problem lies in the fact that he loves himself more.
First i should explain how we met because it makes a big impact. I left my ex fiance and chose to be single for a while which turned into 2 years. At that point i was sick of being single and wanted to get back into the dating seen. Having met all my friends guy friends i knew i didn't want to go there and i try not to drink to much plus don't like to go out by myself so the bar thing was out and i have a son so that always makes things harder. So i tried crigslist. I tried twice before meeting my fiance and had bad experiences but decided to give it one more shot. I was as honest as i could be in explaining that i am bi-polar, a single mom, a smoker, needy and possessive. I felt any man that might want to date me should know those things before hand so he'd know what he might be getting himself into. I got a few hundred reply's and replied to only a few of them when i got my now fiances e-mail. At first sight i knew i had to contact him. We e-mailed back and forth for a few hours eventually setting up a date for that night. Since then i think we might have spent a week not together.
We've moved pretty fast and i admit that. He stayed at my dad's house where i was living for about 2 months during the week just so we could be together everyday. I moved into his house after this and we got engaged in march. We love each other very much and i don't doubt it one bit but...
I have changed my whole life including parts of my personality for him. I moved to a town where i don't know anyone, into a house that isn't mine, further away from school and have pretty much become a house wife which i never saw myself being and don't actually like. I do all the house work even though he does not work. We only do things he likes to do. If he's sitting on his computer surfing the web i'm expected to be sitting right next to him doing nothing. He get's mad at me for the dumbest reasons and if i get mad at him for any reason good or bad he get's mad at me just for being mad at him. He's a hypocrite which he's almost proud of. We have more double standards then... well i don't know any examples but you get where i'm going.
I have tried talking to him about what bothers me like he has asked me to do but then he tells me to stop bitching. How am i suppose to tell him about what's making me unhappy if he considers it bitching no matter what i say?
There are some thing's i don't really mind. I don't mind being the house cleaner as long as it's expected that he picks up after himself but he won't. I don't mind not doing somethings if he's not with me even though he's allowed to do them. If we're having a fight he's allowed to go where ever he wants, i'm not. If i'm bored i'm not allowed to try to find entertainment if he doesn't agree with it. If he's tired he goes to bed no matter what time of day it is and sleeps as late as he wants. If i'm tired and he wants me to stay where he is he'll get mad at me for wanting to go to sleep. If i actually get the chance to sleep in for a change but he wants to get up i better get up or the whole day will be a fight. If there's something that needs to be done i'm expected to do it and i'm expected to do it the way he wants it done but if i ask how he wants it done he get's mad at me. We'll spend our last $10 on some thing he wants but i haven't bought anything i want since i met him. I'm not saying nothing's been bought for me because i have gotten thing's and i like most of them but i don't get to go and get anything i actually want. I only get thing's if he wants me to have them. He's bent a little and offered to let me do one thing i'v asked him to do with me by myself but what he doesn't get is i don't want to do this on my own it's not really all that enjoyable. We've actually had a fight about that fact that i want to have fun with him. He said that if he's not spending a tun of money he wont have fun and there for wont do anything. Just last night he got mad at me because he wanted to go upstairs and sit at his computer while i sat there staring at the wall and i decided i was going to watch a tv show instead.
The biggest problem seems to be that i'm only the second woman he's been with. He's asked me for a three some and although i don't want to do that i am trying to find a way that i can feel comfortable with it so that he can have this thing i know will make him very happy. I approached him with a way i thought i might be ok with it and it actually started a fight! I told him this was a thing that could ruin our relationship and that there was no way in hell i'd be pushed into it. And that it would take a long ass time to happen if he kept fighting with me about it because every time we fought the walls i'd broken through got put right back up. He seems to think he's entitled to it or something. He's told me point blank that he might end up cheating on me and that caused a lot of insecurities. Because of that i told him i needed him to tell me he wouldn't ever cheat on me and although it took a while he finally did tell me that. I know i'm a good looking woman and before this i never thought any of my boyfriend would cheat on me and for the most part i'v been right but he's made me so insecure i'm worried all the time.
We have a very good sex life. I have never been turned on by anyone the way i am by him but he some times forgets to think of me when he wants it. The other night he woke me up at 5am dry humping me then stopping and repeating this every 10 seconds or so. once i'm awake it takes me a while to get back to sleep so i was mad about this and finally asked him if he was going to do anything or not. He did but i was still mad because he has a habit of waking me up and wanting me to do all the work so this brought that up in my head. He likes to wake me up in the morning by touching me then ask me to give him head. I'v told him he needs to think about what i might be feeling before he asks for that but he never does.
Often i feel like i'm nothing more then a live in made who he get's to have sex with. I sometimes feel like i have no control over my life since i fell for him.
I don't know how to talk to him about this stuff. Every time i try it ends up biting me in the ass and i spend a full day stuck in the house with him pissed at me. I really don't know what to do i love him and so does my son. I'v already broken up one family for my son i don't want to do that for either one of us again. Any ideas what i can do?
Sorry this is so long but i really needed to get this all off my chest.