Long term girlfriend - having doubts

[mike_0978]

Hey,

I have been with my girlfriend since i was 15. We have been together for 10 years. I have essentially grown up with this girl, she is my best friend and i feel at great ease with her. We rarely fight and get on well. We have traveled the world together and done so many other things. So there is little, if no conflict.
Although we have a great circle of friends, i feel like i missed out hanging with my buddies while going through the end of high school and university. I don't regret any of the 10 years we have spent together but lately im feeling like i want to be alone, i want to be single and grow independently.
As we started out so young, i have never had the opportunity to meet anyone else, so i've missed that whole experience. Recently a beautiful girl asked me for my number but i couldnt follow through and it kind of saddened me.
I haven't seriously thought of breaking up with her but this has been at me for the last few months.
I feel guilty though because we get on well and a lot of people would love to have what we have but i cant help feeling i want to be free and independent.

I don't want to ask friends or family so if anyone has any advice please post up. I don't know what to do??

Thanks - Mike

[girl68]

This feeling gets worse it does not vanish. At first glance I'd say you're young enough to break up and be single as you so desire.

You should tell yourself that breaking up with her doesn't mean she isn't a great girl, that she wasn't a great gf but at this point in your life you need to get out there and experience some of these things for yourself. Too many people make the "oh she's so great" excuse. Yeah you're right your gf is great, but that doesn't mean she's the ONLY great girl out there.

[RonHH]

I'm not sure what to to say, I left a long time g/f to see what else is out there.
I lost her and didn't find what I was looking for . Many years passed before things changed. Thank about it a while, don't rush it.

[waffles]

I would sit your girlfriend down and explain how you feel. If she's rational, she'll understand and even possibly reciprocate the same feelings.
I completely agree with girl68. You need to go out there and explore. I understand you probably love your girlfriend and life without her is going to be difficult and unusual, but in the end (whether your path crosses with hers again or not) you won't regret your decision to go out and see what else is out there.
Sometimes you've got to make sacrifices to find personal happiness.

[bluesummer]

I was in your situation although the time period was shorter (5 years). I had that feeling about three years in and I kept pushing it aside because I thought I was just being ridiculous. Turns out he'd been feeling the same way.

We broke up, and it hurt, but I felt really free. I had to date a bunch of people before I finally found the right one, but the experience was worth it.

[girl68]

I had the same experience as blusummer. 5 years as well, also first loves and all that jazz. I'm happy now. But I will never say my ex was a bad guy, becasue he wasn't. Just goes to prove you can break up with perfectly good people, they just aren't the right ones.

[Bumble_bee]

same, had a great first love, but we made a lot of changes in the time we were together, and I still loved him when I broke up with him, because I wanted to do my own thing.

don't hold yourself back from living your life, or you'll regret and resent.

[bluesummer]

I'm going to tell my kids from an early age that dating as much as possible when you're young is the only way to go, and hopefully it will follow them into adulthood.

Mind you, they could also then turn into complete whores, or go the opposite direction just to spite me.

[Primo]

Wow I never had so much in common with so many girls as this thread :-P

I had the same experience Mike, my high school sweetie and I were together about 8 years. We loved each other very much, but if we both had it to do over, we'd have experienced more of life, rather than more of each other.

What you're feeling is normal, you want to experience life. I'm sure she does too in her own way. You'll eventually go apart and the sooner the better. It won't get any easier to cut the chord. Like g68 said, the need will only get stronger.

[mike_0978]

Thanks for all the help. It really is a tough one. I know there are going to be buckets of tears.

I dont think she feels the same way, she constantly tells me she loves and not in a passing manner, very seriously.

I'll have to take my time with this.

Im really struggling to see clearly and make a decision??

[flea]

I've had similar feelings before, because my girl and I got together at a young age as well (16/15).

but I'm going to go against the grain of this thread and say that you're being a little selfish. 10 years is a long time to invest in someone (don't forget, you're not the only one who's invested here either) to just throw it away on a whim.

so a hot girl showed an interest.....so what? what do you really think you're missing? you have someone who you obviously care about, and who loves you right there - some people would kill for that - but you want to explore.

all I can say is that when I felt that way, I decided to put my energy into my relationship rather than my shallow wantings. almost 20 years later we're still together, and still very much in love.

don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from, but just think hard about it.

[Gigabitch]

Are you planning to live in the same town and date other girls right in front of her? I don't think you should do that. I think you should move away if you're planning to have more life experiences. It will make a break easier for both of you.

To clarify, by "break" I mean a clean break, not one of those dumbass "we're on a break" things people torture one another with. Clean break. No contact. You can be "friends" later, when she's over the heartbreak, and yes, there will be heartbreak. You can't avoid this.

[Loveramix]

I've had similar feelings before, because my girl and I got together at a young age as well (16/15).

but I'm going to go against the grain of this thread and say that you're being a little selfish. 10 years is a long time to invest in someone (don't forget, you're not the only one who's invested here either) to just throw it away on a whim.

so a hot girl showed an interest.....so what? what do you really think you're missing? you have someone who you obviously care about, and who loves you right there - some people would kill for that - but you want to explore.

all I can say is that when I felt that way, I decided to put my energy into my relationship rather than my shallow wantings. almost 20 years later we're still together, and still very much in love.

don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from, but just think hard about it.

1st post here, but this answer was sufficirently meaningful to say i wholeheartedly agree. I'd just add that the 2 persons should be in the same mindset, and then it will work. If one wants to explore elsewhere it will fail. So be sure that you both want the same thing, of course don't speak about the other one, just tell how much she's important to you, and if she feels the same.

Love is an ART. like every art, you have to work on it to perfect it. And imho, 0 or 1000 is the same. 1 is what you want. And that's what we're all working for, when we think about it.