Should I broke his heart, like he broke mine?

[jtanja]

A short story of ´us´. Please help.

* He is 20 and Im 18.
* We have known each other for years, but never dated, just flirt.
* He has a girlfriend and they are non-stop ON and OFF, If u know what I mean.

So a year and a half ago we were kinda friends and we flirted through msn and phone,
but never really talked about it in person. He was young and liked to play, I was young
and just wanted a boyfriend. So we lost contact and a few weeks ago I contacted him
and send him my new phone number.

We started talking and said we are gonna go out, but then he ´forgot´ my number and just didnt write me for a week.
Then he called and said If I have time to meet him, it was late at night and I just said yes, you know I didnt wanted to
miss my opportunity to see him. I just wanted one chance to show him the real me, because I was always SO shy with him.
We went out and talked in a car and he was saying that I look cute and he wanted to know what my eye color was, so he
came closer (we didnt kissed, I guess he really wanted to know what my eye color was lol). Then he said that we can go out
the next day, again. When I came home he and I talked on FB and he said he is thinking about me and that he cant stop thinking how beautiful I am. Later the next day he texted me that he has a tooth pain and he cant come. I was like ´yeah, whatever´.

And when I asked him If he is okey the next day, he said that I cant write him (at the moment) because he is with his girlfriend.
He and his girlfriend are together for like a year and a half plus I think they dated be4. He said that its not the way it use to be.
I think its not fair to his girlfriend and to me that he is saying things like that to me. He broke my heart many times (I was never in love though) and he also said sorry to me because he was such an ass-***** a year and a half ago. He is the reason why I dont believe in man, so I never had a boyfriend (Im 18, yes).

So my QUESTION is:
Should i leave for good and just wait that karma comes back around and break his heart OR should I play along, play that I believe him and wait that he falls for me and then break his heart like he did it to me? I know its not good to be bad, but I feel like I have to do something to show him that I was a better choice for him and that its too late now?!

[Cinnabella]

Don't take revenge, don't be an ugly person by doing that, karma will play it's role.

[jtanja]

I know, but what if he goes away like nothing happened? I mean its not like I am crying or something, It doesnt even feel that bad anymore, because I knew what to expect, but I still cant believe how can he play like that.

[Cinnabella]

The fact was he had a gf n you shouldn't be involve to him, you will hurt his gf. It's not fair to her, don't you think so? I'm being light here coz you seem young.

[jtanja]

I know that he has a girlfriend, I mean thats why I dont want him to talk this kinda stuff. So should I just stop and let him go away with everything he did to me?
Im so much better than this, and I dont really know why Im trying to act that way, because I dont want her to be hurt, but she will be because he is a player.
I dont want him to cheat on her with me, I just want him to see that I can be a heart breaker too and I want him to feel the same way as I did.

[Yet another guy]

Some people are like that, guys and girls alike

I just want him to see that I can be a heart breaker too and I want him to feel the same way as I did.

Why do you want to stoop down to his level? Would you feel proud if he saw that you are the same kind of low-life as he is? Besides, you can't break his heart because he doesn't have feelings for you.

[BeingAlpha]

Hes not going to care either way -- he already proved that to you. The reason you guys didn't kiss is because he was feeling guilty about having a girlfriend -- STOP now.. just walk away. He didn't break your heart -- he played with you, teased you, and led you on...still not good but very different.

Move on...its not worth your time. If you want to prove something to him -- prove to him that you are strong enough to walk away that his BS isn't worth it and you don't care.

[Cinnabella]

You can do his gf a favourite by telling her that her bf is not a good guy and he lead you on, then that's it.

[Corgan]

Dont play games. You are just going to end up getting hurt. Walk away and never look back. He's not a good guy.

[jtanja]

THANK YOU to all of you!

I guess I am watching WAAAAY to much Gossip Girl and that shows, and Im trying to be like these bitchy mean girls hehe.
I really am thankful to all of you, I just wanna clear some things, cause I dont want u guys to think that Im a bad person.

1. Maybe he doesnt have feelings for me, but I know him very well and I know that he is very easy to fall for a girl.
2. He DID break my heart, years ago and I guess Im still holding to that, because I see him as the guy that I wanna be with.
I dont know why but he is the guy that I want or someone that is excatly like him. I was always with him when he had different girlfriends,
so I guess I just expect him to try with me.
3. Its hard to forget about youre first big crush, you know when you really like someone and you just think about him. Its not anymore like that.
Im older and I went through hell for the past year and Ive grown up a lot.

I know he will call me again, he always does. I just dont know what to say and what to do. I wanna be his friend, I just dont want him to talk this kinda sweet stuff, you know.
But I feel like we ARE those sweet words and nothing more. I dont wanna loose him as a friend (if I can even call him like that) but Its like, everytime we see eachother he says
things he shouldnt and Its hard for me sometimes to see him just as a friend, cause deep deep inside me I like it when he talks this stuff.

Hope u understand what I just wrote cause I dont half of the things LOL.

[IncognitoSir]

Why chase a guy who has a gf?????? Stop wasting your time and find a single guy.

[Jolicoeur]

Hey jtanja,


There is some info missing here. Why are they on and off all the time? Is she dumping him and taking him back? Is he dumping her all the time? What kind of relationship do they have?

The fact that he hasn't made a real move on you proves that he is not a complete a$$h*le. Boys and men generally don't consider flirting as cheating, so in his mind he probably feels he hasn't done anything wrong.

If you want him as a friend, you should tell him to stop flirting with you. But my guess is that you will hurt yourself keeping a flame burning for him deep down in your heart. If you want him as a boyfriend, you should first make sure he's never going back to his current partner. Maybe even by talking this over with her. But how can you trust him? Even if he never cheats on you, I think this will be a nagging thought for as long as you are together...

My hope for you is that you become good friends and that you find someone else as a boyfriend.


Best of luck,

J.

[jtanja]

Thank you for youre advice. Well I dont know her or their relationship, but I know that in a previous relationship he broke up with a girl because she wast really into it.
And when he takes break or whatever you wanna call this OR breaks up with a girl he starts flirting A LOT!
I know that he will do anything for his girl, because he is just a very good boyfriend, I mean as much as I know.

I wanna be his friend, but Im kinda scared that he will stop talking to me if I wont let him flirt with me. I dont know, we are going out (me, my sister and him)
this week, because is my 18th birthday and well see. I will be his friend and I will not try to think about his mistakes or anything. Ill go with the flow. I respect his girlfriend
and I respect me. Reading all the comment made me realize how stupid you can think when you not in love, but REALLY like someone, you just dont care about anyone else.

I was so proud of myself that I forgot about him last year amd Im cursing myself now because I texted him again. I should just keep him in a good memory as my
first big crush and shouldnt text him. But its too late now and I have to deal with my feelings again.

[Jolicoeur]

I know that in a previous relationship he broke up with a girl because she wast really into it.

Maybe you could ask him what kind of relationship he has with his current on-off girlfriend.

I know that he will do anything for his girl, because he is just a very good boyfriend, I mean as much as I know.

It's probably the language barrier, but I don't understand you completely. You sound like you like this guy, but you ask if you should break his heart? Do you simply mean to reject him, or to play with his feelings and then dump him hard?

I dont know, we are going out (me, my sister and him) this week, because is my 18th birthday and well see.

Happy birthday, jtanja. So, how did it go?

Reading all the comment made me realize how stupid you can think when you not in love, but REALLY like someone, you just dont care about anyone else.

Ah, but it's such a great feeling to have that heat in your chest.

[jtanja]

We didnt go out, we are going next week.

So we were texting last night and he kept saying if he can come to me, but I knew that he was working, so I just said yeah right.
So he said what will I give him if he comes, and I just teased him, but I said that he has a girlfriend and that Im not gonna give him
anything. But he kept asking me If I can give him something next week, I just didnt respond. ( he doesnt mean sex right? lol)

So next thing, he asked me why I dont have a boyfriend and I said that I just dont like nobody right now and that Im not looking for
love right now. Then he said if im not horny and stuff, I was like WTF you know, I never had sex and I said that Im looking for something more.
I also said that Im not some kinda slut. He said that he would never think of me like that, because he knows me and im a good girl.

So then he said that he doesnt really have a girlfriend, so I asked him why is he saying that and he said ( translating from slovene hehe):
Its not like it use to be. When we broke up for the last time it was because she did 3 mistakes and she doesnt know that I know what she did.
So I said if it wouldnt be better to break up, or he wants to get even. And he said that he want to get even and he doesnt realya care about her.
Today he texted me that he is making her pancakes and he has to clean everything, but she doesnt even seem grateful.

So Im really confused right now. I never imagined that a guy I like would want me to be a part of his revenge. I know I was thinking the same way when I
wrote the first post, but I dont wanna be a bad girl. I will go out with him, but Im not gonna kiss him or anything.

The thing is that I never had a real boyfriend, I have never had sex and I dont really know how to kiss. But the biggest thing is that I think of myself as an
independent young woman who doesnt need a boyfriend and will never be a mean girl. And then he comes, a guy that I really like (im not gonna confess him though,
Im acting not interested) and Im ready to just break a promise that I gave to myself.

So im asking you again, what to do? How to be his friend, I can learn not to like him ( not sure what that mean haha), withouth helping him get even? I hope u understand.
Im trying to find the right words. )