big mistake broke my bfs heart

[cakes]

basically me and my boyfriend were together for 2 and a half years, we were both first loves we always had a great relationship and i loved him very much and he loved me! but towards the end of our relationship we jus kept arguing and we both got a bit fed up we never did anything and everything fizzled out a bit, i started to get close to someone else but i would never cheat on my boyfriend, i broke up with him saying id had enough, and i was horrid to him about it, but he was quite bossy before and he thought i would come running back, when i didnt hhe realised i was serious, and tried to get bk with me for 3 weeks but i told him i needed my space and no, but after that i thought i missed him so i told him but he wouldnt have any of it, so i was angry and stormed off, after a while i met someone else and we started seeing eachother but only for a couple of weeks, then i realised how much i missed and loved my boyfriend, i went to my boyfriends house and told him how i felt, but again he wouldnt have any of it, so i completely broke down infront of him telling him how sorry i was and how much of a mistake it was but he told me he would never go out with me ever again.
the next few weeks i was a wreck but i thought i gotta get out and meet other people to get over him and thats what i did, and i met a lad who was my bestfrends boyfriends, flatmate, we hung out a couple of times but on the secound night i was stupid and i slept with him, which i regretted but we carried on seeing eachother, and i slept with him once more, which i really regretted i really dont know why i didnt stop it, but me and my boyfriend were getting closer and we both said we were seeing someone else, but he stopped seeing the girl, and the guy i was seeing turned out to be a idiot and i realised i never really liked him but it was my way of getting over my boyfrend. me and my boyfrend eventually got back together after 2-3 months and we are closer and more in love then ever, but he knows what i did because i couldnt lie to him and he still gets reall upset and depressed about it 5 months l8r and its getting me diown aswell as it was the biggest mistake of my life. but it didnt help that my boyfrend was getting frendly to toher girls on pictures he posted on his site and i was single and trying to get over him, i broke his heart at first and i was awful to him and im suprised he took me back but i have apoligised so much since then and i alwasy reassure him i love him and what happened was nohing compared to the love we have, and i know hes the one for me, but hes so upset about it and it creates tension with us, i just want to forget abotu it but he cant and i dont know what to do, i know i was wrong for what i did .
we were both to blame for why we split up but i shouldnt have treated him like that can you help?

sorry for rambling on

[cakes]

and just to let you know we really are closer then ever and we really love eachother and appreciate eachother more now , hes all i could ask for
but he thinks since thats happened something of us feels missing

[Doc Durian]

You dated and slept with his friend who was also his flatmate.

I'm surprised he agreed to date you again.

That's all probably too close to home for him to get over easily.

You need to surprise him with something big, in order to put it all behind you two.

Find a weekend where you know he's free... buy some plane tickets to something special to him, pack his bag for him, pick him up when he least expects it, and jet.

Talk on the way to the airport.

Life is a journey, sometimes we take the wrong fork in the road. While you'll never be able to retrace back to the start of your journey together, you can put bad turns behind you and continue on.

If he gets on the plane with you, then it was meant to be.

[Kyouhen]

I agree, as a male a sense of security is very easily broken with how much is weighed on physical limitations, not only did you break an unspoken rule in dating, but he faces the thought of his flat mate when he is with you, that's a tough idea to get over

If he truly wants it to work then he will stay and eventually get over it, but you need to earn his trust again, along with assuring him you only see him

[cakes]

hey thanks guys but um i slept wiht my frends boyfrends flatmate none of my boyfrends frends i wouldnt do that to him! my boyfrend doesnt know the guys. but weve been doin stuff together and we are reli happy but he still thinks of it and its hard to forget for both of us but yea we go out on trips and stuff which is more then we used to do! thnx

[sarah_allen]

Hi cakes

The problem is that when this happens to a man they feel like they have let thier guard down and it can destroy even the emotionally strongest man to know the woman he loves has been entered by another man! so the guy isn't his flatmate? thank god! when this happens it, its hard to explain but it can destory a mans self esteem and make him feel less manly even if he keeps on a brave face for u, inside hes probably as week as a little girl. u really need to make him feel special like hes the hottest man in the world! it helped with when me and my ex got backtogether, it sounds a bit funny i know but u really need to make him feel good about himself.

like the other guys said going away and spending quality time with just u two is going to help a lot. if he feels happiest when with u then thats gunna make him forgive u and make the inncident gradually more meaningless.


The other problem and i know its horrible to think about but the condom could have split even the tinnest bit with the other guy so its VERY important u get a FULL checkout at your doctors just to make sure. even if u are certain u really need to go anyway cuz even with a condom some fluids may have got on the outside of the condom and still entered u. its nasty to think about i know but u really dont want to hurt your bf!

does he ever get angry with you about it? the thing is you two werent even talkin at the time when you did it. do you know if he had sex with anyone while you werennt together?

[Martin84]

What is done is done, if you think that both of you love each other, do not focus on the past. You should not have any reason to as both of you have accepted the mistakes that you have made. If however, the same issues keep coming up again and again, it means that there is no trust. You need to sit down and come to a conclusion that you will not discuss the past and that you are the only love of his live and expect the same. If the past issues come up after such a talk, it means that both of you have not accepted this as true love and it is best to break it off.