how 2 make this work...what to do?

[jjj]

Il get straight to it really, me and a girl, im 19 shes 17, and we are friends, yet act as if we are together, and the only reason is shes not ready 4 relationship yet, although everything else is there...exept being official. as in no cheating etc etc.

lately we get into a couple of not arguments but discussiong about when 10 months ago, she knew i liked her, but didt give any clues back..and i was on holiday with 2 boy mates, and i was way too drunk and did everything except sex with a girl i met there 1 night.

i didnt tell her about this then but did when we got closer..she sees is that i lied to her, but i explained at the time..being younger..and i have grown up more now...that then iwas scared of wt she wud think of me, and we wudnt get the chance to be how we are now etc. and apoligised 4 it.
but she cant get over that fact of me lying and it keepscoming up, making me more unhappy and also her.
want ideas on how to fully make it up? make her forget about it as much as possible..though i know thas hard..and ways you can almost make someone whos not ready, want a relatonship..although they'r as good as in one?

thanks anyone who replies

[IndiReloaded]

You weren't dating, its none of her business. You can say this nicely, but that's it in a nutshell.

Guys lie about stuff all the time. Usually small, stupid stuff that doesn't really matter. So do girls, tho they will deny it. Which is ironic, of course. The difference is that guys don't get their knickers in a knot over it.

Tell her that you won't lie about anything really important, but that the world runs on white lies. Its what keeps civilization *civil*. If she disagrees, tell her to grow up and think about things rather than believe what she sees on television.

[JellyBeanz]

At the end of the day, you weren't dating at the time it happened so what has she got to be annoyed about? Yeah you didn't tell her, but she's not your girlfriend so it really doesn't matter. She ismaking a big deal out of it, if you ask me. If your were officially boyfriend/girlfriend so it wasn't like you even did anything wrong.

[jjj]

her main problem is that when i got back, she subtedly asked and being worried about her reaction...i told her i didnt do anything with anyone..then as we got alot closer...i cudnt really just lie to her about it etc...so told hr about it, and now she says its all she thinks about..when we txt about doing things with each othr..she imagines it as me doing it with this other girl etc..?

[JellyBeanz]

But why does she keep thinking about it? It happened ages ago. She needs to forget about it already. You weren't together, you still technically aren't and she needs to realise that. If she is just gonna be moaning about it all the time then what's the point in being with her, if she's going to keep being reminded of something you did that doesn't concern her?

[jjj]

because of the fact that i lied about it, which we both see asamssive mistake, bu i aploligised as much as poss, gave her no reason since not to trust me etc.

[Cain]

I don't understand.

You're not official but you act as if you are?

She's not ready for a relationship but she wants to do everything that someone does in a relationship?

...

wtf?

[jjj]

cain..yes..thats spot on...confused as i am about it im guessing

[Cain]

cain..yes..thats spot on...confused as i am about it im guessing

I'm also confused as to why you're putting up with this.

You understand that when someone says they can't handle a relationship it is usually because they can't handle the ASPECTS of a relationship, right? It makes no sense that she can handle the aspect but just can't handle the title of you being her boyfriend.

She's ****ing loony.

[Rollerderby]

yeah thats effed all around. not ur gf at the time, the past is the past, and still not ur gf.

drama!!!!!!!!!!!

[jjj]

the main problem with it, is that i lied about it. which i shudnt have if shes my gf or not..and she cant get over the fact i lied..to fully be with me she says she needs to be able to get over the fact i lied..how does she know i wouldnt again etc...?

[doppelgaenger]

Reverse psychology.

[jjj]

explain please doppel

[Cain]

This is not a reason to get as upset as she's getting. Personally, I think she has a guilty conscience and she's putting so much stress on you because she has done something she feels guilty about.

I experienced that with the last girl I was talking to. She accused me of talking to other girls and it turned out she was doing it.

[jjj]

cheers cain, will give that a thought for sure. without going accusing though to her. that wont help.