I Need Women’s Opinions…

[kodos]

I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out why my girlfriend is mad at me. We have been dating for two years and are very close. Or I guess I should say we were.

We have known each other long enough to have a very comfortable level of familiarity which is very nice. We can spend an evening sitting on a couch or out at a big event. Both are equally enjoyable for us. Two months ago we spent a very nice evening together. It was getting late and we were both hungry. We stopped at a diner just to grab a burger. Since we were both beat the conversation didn’t really focus on anything in particular. I think we talked about stuff like work and what errands we needed to run on the weekend.

At some point I felt her mood change considerably, from good to bad. At first I thought it was my imagination but when I walked her to her car and hugged her goodnight I asked, “What are you doing this weekend?”

She responded with, “I am going to my sister’s house.” Something in the tome of her voice stopped me dead in my tracks. It was like she had just said, “I am never going to see you again” without really saying it. There was a distinct vibe in her tone that left me stunned and confused. At first I told myself it was my imagination but that was two months ago and I can’t get her to talk to me.

Obviously something happened during that dinner that pissed her off but what? Some stupid comment on my part? While the evening was still fresh in my mind I couldn’t pinpoint what it was I had said. As I stated before we were exhausted and not talking about anything in particular. What could I have done that was so bad? It looks like a two year relationship is ending. It was like she looked over my shoulder and saw my face on a wanted poster with the words, “Serial Rapist” on it.

I decided to give her some space and not bug her about it for a while. But when I didn’t hear from her for two weeks I sent a very sincere e-mail stating that I knew she was mad at me and that I would like to apologize for whatever I did. I know with women that doesn’t win too many points because you want s to know what we did wrong but honestly ladies I am baffled. I told her our relationship is priceless to me and that I want to say I am sorry but she never responded. I sent another e-mail asking if she was mad at me but again nothing.

Now hear is what’s really painful, she answers superficial e-mails I send like “How was your weekend?” But anything pertaining to our relationship is ignored.

OK, I’m a stupid guy and we do stupid shit all the time without knowing it. I’ll admit that willingly. Guilty! But how can I apologize without knowing what I did? If I give her a sincere, heartfelt blanket apology will that be enough? I seriously don’t know what happened. She is my best friend and I miss her dearly.

Ladies please help! Maybe I am a jerk who did something but I would rather be chewed out, yelled at and called a complete asshole by her than deal with this killer silence.
Thanks for your input.

[CocoChanel]

I am completely stumped. Are you sure you didn't say anything insulting?

[carl1222]

I am completely stumped. Are you sure you didn't say anything insulting?

Coco ... a sudden change in feelings is always a huge red flag!!! If relationships are going bad, it happens over time. If it's sudden, it means he is being replaced because her heart is elsewhere! I direct this to you instead of the OP for the woman's perspective ... please tell me I'm wrong!

Carl.

[doppelgaenger]

I think I agree with Carl.

[vashti]

Coco ... a sudden change in feelings is always a huge red flag!!! If relationships are going bad, it happens over time. If it's sudden, it means he is being replaced because her heart is elsewhere! I direct this to you instead of the OP for the woman's perspective ... please tell me I'm wrong!

Carl.

I don't know... he may have only noticed a "sudden change" when it may have been going on for longer. She may have only just now reached some resolution to some issue she was struggling with.

Kodos - you are going to have to man up ask her directly what is going on. This is your life, too. If she's had a change of heart, she owes it to you to tell you so.

[CocoChanel]

Okay hold on... I'm stumped because the way he is explaining the story it's as if this came out of nowhere and the part where he says he's a stupid guy just sounds like a ramble on. There is no history really.

There has to be more to this story and I am pretty sure she didnt do this out of no where.

[doppelgaenger]

I don't know... he may have only noticed a "sudden change" when it may have been going on for longer.

This is possible, but don't lean on your loupe.

[vashti]

There has to be more to this story and I am pretty sure she didnt do this out of no where.

I've noticed that men are somewhat often taken by surprise by these kinds of things. I've come to believe they either ignore or don't recognize the signs of trouble.

[Junket]

I've noticed that men are somewhat often taken by surprise by these kinds of things. I've come to believe they either ignore or don't recognize the signs of trouble.

Girls on the other hand, have a tendency to be quiet about what's bothering them until they snap and it's all over.

[ecojeanne]

carl, yes i think you are indeed right, i've done it twice within the last 2 weeks, narrowing down who i wanted to see, then i met pharma guy and now everyone is dumped except for him, so carl yes i agree with you. in my case thats exactly what i did because i now know who is my top preference

altho i didn't date anyone for a really long time, but it makes sense anyway carl

[kodos]

First off I have been asking her directly over and over again what the problem is and get no response. You see she won't answer the phone when I call so my only options are e-mail and text messages.

If you want to break up with someone fine but for G*ds sake JUST SAY IT!

And yes, this came out of nowhere. Seriously, the entire evening was lovely. I sensed nothing was wrong until the odd moment where her mood shifted. Call it "mantuition" I suddenly felt something was wrong. When I asked her about it she said she was just tired.

This has all been very disturbing. If we had had a fight at least I would know why we aren't speaking but this vague mystery is killing me. Can you imagine knowing someone for two years and then Snap! They are gone!

This really hurts....

[bluesummer]

I dopn't know what happened, but it sounds to me like she's not interested in the relationship anymore kodos.

If she's not answering your calls and will only reply to generic emails, she's exhibiting all the classic signs of avoidance. I think you should just tell her, very bluntly, how you feel. Something along the lines of:

"I'm not sure what has happened, but your refusal to talk to me or answer my calls is making it appear that you want to end the relationship. Just be honest and tell me if that's the truth. If you don't wish to reply to this message, I will consider the relationship over from my end."

Yes, you need to be THAT blunt. Sending her wishy washy emails begging for answers and telling her how much you love her are really, honestly, not going to help you. It may hurt to be so cold, but SHE'S doing it to YOU, so she needs a dose of her own medicine.

[CocoChanel]

Girls on the other hand, have a tendency to be quiet about what's bothering them until they snap and it's all over.

this is mostly true when the girl is with someone who can only hear themself

[CocoChanel]

First off I have been asking her directly over and over again what the problem is and get no response. You see she won't answer the phone when I call so my only options are e-mail and text messages.

If you want to break up with someone fine but for G*ds sake JUST SAY IT!

And yes, this came out of nowhere. Seriously, the entire evening was lovely. I sensed nothing was wrong until the odd moment where her mood shifted. Call it "mantuition" I suddenly felt something was wrong. When I asked her about it she said she was just tired.

This has all been very disturbing. If we had had a fight at least I would know why we aren't speaking but this vague mystery is killing me. Can you imagine knowing someone for two years and then Snap! They are gone!

This really hurts....

It came out of nowhere THAT NIGHT... but were there signs before that night.

Either way... it's clear what she is doing and I would take bluesummer's advice and be blatant and concise.

[Pectabyte]

I'm sorry Kodos. A woman isn't going to leave you over a dumb comment at dinner. Sounds to me she found another guy. Women do this all the time and as much as you can't believe it right now, your better off. She responds to your e-mails because she feels guilty and avoids talking about the relationship because its done for her.