And a few months later...

[mrman256]

Just going to vent some stuff on here guys any comments welcome. Basically my ex dumped me a while back and though I have no doubt that it is completely over I find myself missing her. I didn't even think I liked her that much. When I think of her I still get that little voice in my head amonst all the other feelings saying 'something isn't right'. I never got that feeling I would walk through fire for her. Maybe it's because I'm young (20) and don't want to be tied down at the moment.

I'm still upset though. The reason I don't want to go out with her again is because I know it would probably end the same way again and if I have my doubts about it it would be unfair on her to be in any kind of relationship.

The breakup itself was fine I had no real problem with it. Afterwards though it got a bit awkward since were in the same class at university. Eventually we got into a big argument. I don't believe it was completely her fault then again it wasnt completey mine either. The outcome is we don't talk at all anymore even though we sit about 10ft away from each other.

A few months later its the same situation. She has a new guy now and I haven't messaged her since our argument. I refuse to be the jealous ex type. He seems okay though and I'm not one to barge in on other peoples relationships and she seems happy.

All I want to say to her is that I'm sorry for the things I said. I know she wouldn't appreciate it though as she's with someone else and knowing her she'd rather forget than go back. I think sometimes I was just another and it hurts. Some of my classmates said she talked about me for ages after she broke up with me but she seems to have moved on quite quickly. I however have not. She used to look kind of sad sometimes when she briefly glanced at me. Sometimes when we were down the bar I would catch her looking at me. Since this new guys though that has happened less and less.

I'm trying to move on. I've even been with another girl brielfly but all I could think about was my ex. I try and divert my mind but it seems to just wonder back to her. What I can't understand is why my mind thinks of her like this but my guts and hearts says find someone else she isn't right for you. Im really confused. If you look at a couple of my other posts you will see a more in depth account of this. The main point though is this mix up of feelings is bugging me. Its like sometimes I see her with this new guy and I feel jealous and other times I see them and I feel like 'they look like a better couple than we ever were' and other times its just indifference. As long as she's happy though.

At the moment my feelings for her change. Sometimes its a longing to be with her again and other times its anger at some of the things she did to hurt me. Then sometimes its just a mixture of the two.

Maybe I just need some closure. It would be easy to walk away from this and leave it in the past but that's easier said than done. I just feel like I need some resolve with her and at least clear the air a bit between us. Any advice?

[Doc Durian]

If it's just one class you have with her, opt out of it and retake it later (if you can). Possibly the teacher has another time slot for it or can make an arrangement to help you should you explain the situation. It is after all messing with your ability to learn the subject matter.

If the teacher can't do anything for you, opt out anyway. If money is an issue, grab a part time job and fill up your time elsewhere.... even spending more time on your other classes if all else fails.

If none of this is possible, find a seat far away from her and he. Some place where you won't be distracted.

[mrman256]

I would but we are in all the same classes I see her at least 3 days of the week for like 6 hours a day. We are in one room most of the time. I've considered changing university but if I do I will lose out on the qualification as I'm only half way through a two year course and will lose loads of money. I will just have to stick it out till the year after and do the third year somewhere else. I'm guessing the whole moving on process would be a lot quicker if I didnt have contact with her so much.

[cmacattack1]

Switching schools and classes is insane. I know it's difficult when you are in love with somebody and you cannot be with them. It's distracting, it's draining and it's exhausting. How does everybody else do it though? Break ups happen all the time to everybody, not just us. I used to think people didn't care and didn't understand when I was so upset about my situation. We all find a way to deal, to push through it, and then we do it. There is no time table and seeing her all the time but unable to do anything doesn't help, it prolongs it.

The only thing you can really do is to accept that it is not going to work for you guys. I'd like to sit there and believe that while she is dating a new guy, it's most likely not forever and that anything can happen in the future. However, this mentality doesn't help you because you will more likely feel like you are waiting around, in which the time will be excruciating. You have to get out there and put effort into doing new things and meeting new people. This will require you to manage your time better, so you can still get your work done and keep your grades up. Which is a helpful skill to have anyway. New things include intramural sports or club sports, clubs at school, new hobbies, going to gym, you've heard the whole line up. Going out on the weekends should be pretty obvious.

You are responsible for pulling yourself out of this. Friends and family can only do so much. I've been eight months of NOT seeing or talking to my ex and I still dream about her. It sucks but it is what it is. Things will work out eventually. You are a good person, you have alot to offer, and you have to believe it. It's in your power to make a difference. Even if you cannot help how you feel, you are responsible for how you act. You will always be looking back at her until the next one really knocks you off your feet. Keep trying and keep yourself out there. It's alot of effort but it will be worth it in the end when you are years on later and you are going to bed with your wife.

[mrman256]

Thanks for your answer cma. Though I'm doubtful if I was in love with her. And if I had my doubts it probably meant I wasn't. I don't want to be in that place anymore anyway. She purposefully went out of her way to hurt me after she left me because I applied the NC rule and didnt wan't to talk to her. She embarrased me and humiliated me. It got very childish on both sides in the end but the awkwardness still gets on my nerves when we are in class. I've got more respect for my self than to go back into that relationship hence my certainty that nothing will ever happen. I'm not sitting waiting around either it's just I haven't found anyone who really floats my boat yet.

[cmacattack1]

You probably aren't ready and it will be difficult for that someone to happen right now. Each passing day and each bump in the road that you hit and get over will get you closer to being your complete self again and will get you closer to what you want. Yeah, she did some shitty things but you should try your best to understand that she is inexperienced and very immature with her feelings and actions. You've done some things wrong too. This should make it easier to accept that things wouldn't work out right now anyway.

Don't doubt how you feel. There are certain degrees and certain extents of how you feel for someone. When it's more intense with one than the other, the other looks like it wasn't.

[Doc Durian]

Nevermind all that... No Contact is what it is. Seek it however you best can in the situation and you're on the path to full recovery.

I've endured plenty along the Cmacattack1 line of thought. It's never worth hanging around on any scene though.

Get out asap or find some mechanisms to remove them from your visual and mental situation. You're there to examine the course matter... not them.

[cmacattack1]

Very true. It's easy for me to see when my ex has been easy to avoid. I wouldn't know how I would feel unless I was in those shoes.

[mrman256]

Thanks for your input guys! Yeah her and her boyfriend are quite difficult to avoid unfortunatley. Its quite a small campus and I'm constantly bumping into them. Any attempt to be away from them would turn me into a recluse and that isnt going to happen anytime soon. I've only got a few weeks though till a five month break so I should have plenty of time to get away from her then.

It just grinds my gears a little how everything has gone okay for her since then and I was the one who ended up losing out even though I was trying to be nice about it and she was been completely horrible. Of course I don't want her to lose out on anything I wish her all the best in life. I don't know why she had to make it so difficult though. I did act immaturely but 95% of the time it was just a reaction to the rumours and bullshit and backstabbing she decided would be fun to throw around. I regret reacting to her games it made me say a lot of things I didnt want to and shouldnt have. I'm only human after all and can only have manners for so long. I'm not trying to weasel my way out of it and say its all her fault either but NC didnt warrant of the things she did especially after it was her who ended it. It's all her fault things are so bad between us and while she's happy I'm just bitter and I hate it because she turned me into a person I didnt think I could be . All I want now is for the air to clear and things to go back to the way things were before we started going out. Anyone reading this who is planning on dating anyone in there workplace I would strongly advise against it as its just a timebomb for childish drama.

[Kaius]

you are a young fellow, and probably don't see it right now, but in 10 years you gonna look back and laugh at this whole experience.
Just know that nothing is really serious at your age. Just enjoy and don't think too much.