One last time or move on? :(

[Ymme]

Where to start?

I met this guy on a dating site.
We started chatting for days on end, days turned into weeks and then months.

He lives four hours away and him and i started a LDR, but recently he ended it, saying he just can't have a phone relationship anymore and that he just wants and needs me to be there and not somewhere he can't physically reach me.

The long distance has put quite a strain on us both mentally and physically but I guess some people just can only try for so long.

This man suffers from bipolar also so I know that he over thinks things and the idea of me not being there was hard for him, but when we were together in person everything was amazing in every way.

Anyway, this is the root to why it's ended. Now the thing is, he knows I am moving closer within an hour from him (not because of him) but because it is something I need to do for myself.
I know this man really cares for me, and would do anything for me. He says he loves me but said he can't wait any longer. He talks to his friends often and sometimes they have given him the worse advice which causes him to think rationally and then we hit a speed bump about this everytime. He even said that they were starting to doubt that he had a gf. I know these things could and have help trigger his uncertain feelings

I understand that people get to a point and he has tried to give me extended time and ignore his needs for the sake of us, what I just don't understand is why he couldn't give me a little more.
He stated he wasn't getting any younger, he said he just can't do one more month of seeing me twice in person then the rest via phone.
We spoke on the phone for about 3 hours and I knew he was fighting his decision through conversation and everytime it went back to the sweet chatter something would trigger and he would correct himself and end up back on track.

It hurts but I respect and understand where he is coming from but what I want to know is, when I finally hit that location should I try again? Should I drop maybe a letter on his letter box and give him the choice or should I just try and let go?


This all happened last night so things are so fresh and unpredictable I just don't know what to do?..

[Wakeup]

Sorry, you're hurting, but a good way to get through that hurt quicker is to accept that it is over.

but what I want to know is, when I finally hit that location should I try again? Should I drop maybe a letter on his letter box and give him the choice or should I just try and let go?

Why don't you just let go and then when/IF you ever move to where he is (don't do this unless you have a job lined up before moving) then you can decide then if you still want to look him up and pursue something (if he's willing even) then.

Don't put yourself on hold for anyone. You'll just find yourself pining away for them and comparing them and keeping yourself closed off to new men you meet when you have another man in the back of your head and heart who you haven't let go of.

Take it one step at a time without expectations of what is to come. Get on with your life without him in it.

[Ymme]

I guess in the end, truth will always hurt on what ever form it's presented.

I just don't know where to start, the fact there was so much uncertainty in his voice as if he knew that he was making a mistake.

I know the advice given is very much similar to what I would give others, but taking it is hard or taking your own is even harder.

I'm just not sure which way to go with this, the distance has been a problem for him from the start and he tried really hard. Even though he said he loved me and will always love me hurts because he just only considered how he feels and I'm left here not knowing where to turn..

[bearz]

How soon would you be moving closer to him?

[smackie9]

You are still too far away, and he will still have bi-polar. You are just kidding yourself if you think by being an hour closer things will be any better...they will not. Stop putting all your eggs into a basket that has a big hole in it....you yourself are wasting persious time on this relationship.

[bearz]

She said she would be within an hour from him, do you think that's still too far?

[smackie9]

IMO it would be a pain in the ass. Plus it doesn't change the fact he has a mental illness which is still an issue that will not change.

[Ymme]

His mental illness isn't a problem for me, we all have a little head problem in all of us.

This guy was talking about a future, to the point of sharing a house together and living happily ever after. Then this happened, I kind of feel like he's being quite selfish, especially when he is only concerned about his feelings and how hard it's going to be for him. Just a lot of *him's and he* when it comes to this.

Arghhhhhh.... Day 2. No txts. No contact.... To go from talking everyday to completely nothing sucks.

I wonder if he feels the same?

[smackie9]

His mental illness isn't a problem for me, we all have a little head problem in all of us.

His behavior that you just explained IS part of his mental illness. People with bi-polar are unpredictable, and can flake out on you at any time. This is what you will always have to deal with.....it's definitely a problem now isn't it?

[Ymme]

What I mean is that he could have one leg and I would still look at him the same. His behaviour is quite repetitive and can be frustrating at times.

Every 3 weeks I would notice this pattern with him. 3 weeks he was wonderful and loving, then it was over the top then he went silent and ignored me for a day. the day after he would say about me being so far away was the issue. we talked then it went back to being week one. so yeah it became a problem but because I feel so strongly for him I couldn't let him go. I hate giving up on people.

I know he regrets his decision but is that stubborn he can't see things from the other side.

[bearz]

So what makes you think that he won't change his mind in a few days?

[Ymme]

That's the thing, I just don't. :/

[smackie9]

What I mean is that he could have one leg and I would still look at him the same. His behaviour is quite repetitive and can be frustrating at times.

Every 3 weeks I would notice this pattern with him. 3 weeks he was wonderful and loving, then it was over the top then he went silent and ignored me for a day. the day after he would say about me being so far away was the issue. we talked then it went back to being week one. so yeah it became a problem but because I feel so strongly for him I couldn't let him go. I hate giving up on people.

I know he regrets his decision but is that stubborn he can't see things from the other side.

This is a normal reaction for women that are in abusive relationships. He may not be abusing you directly, but his troubles are causing you grief. You feel you need to rescue him from his troubles, but the reality of it is that you can't. Love won't heal him from his internal torment. You not being with him isn't going to end his life, he is a big boy, he will survive.

[Ymme]

Thank you everyone for the advice. It's so good to see the pros and cons presented this way, sometimes it takes the advice from others to see what needs to be done, and positive reinforcements have allowed me to see clearly and I appreciate it all.

I won't be perusing him! If he really truly felt how he said, he definitely shouldn't have to second guess himself.

Funny thing is, he contacted me tonight and i was able to say no! so i shall continue to stand tall, stand proud and move forward!

Thank you all again for your comments!! x

[smackie9]

Go for you! Best of luck and may you find new happiness soon