May be time to move on

[sillystring]

I am seriously considering separating from my spouse. We have a 4 month old daughter and have been together about 10 years. Some of our issues but not really in a specific order:

We own 2 businesses together and both work from home. Our first business is business services that we provide that these days mostly runs itself through contracted help. Our second business (what we are both passionate about and make a very pretty good living at) is building custom made hardwood furniture and home decor. There have been some pretty standard things for years that we have gone through.

1, spouse does not have much interest in a physical relationship. Sex always is on his terms, when he is ready and interested. He says I'm nagging him but we've gone more than a year without sex and without me bringing it up and he never approached or initiated it at all. This includes kissing.

2, whenever we have a disagreement spouse will pull the "better if we just split up" card that will either end the argument or get him his way. But he does not ever actually leave, he just seems to say it to get his way or shut me up. I think this is holding the relationship hostage.

3, business decisions. Spouse will demand that the business runs a certain way or that he be allowed to make certain multiple purchases. If I tell him we can do X right now but Y and Z will have to wait a few weeks, he agrees. Then he will purchase X and shortly after (like the next day) demand Y and if I tell him we can't do Y he will refuse to do any work at all until Y is purchased. He threatens to not do any work pretty consistently, knowing we have deadlines and I would have to return payment to the clients (some of it already spent on their project) if he actually did not do the work. It would also make all of the work I did in landing the client, getting their orders set up and started for nothing.

4, the biggest issue. My spouse is an alcoholic that has been recovered for the 10 years we've been together. Sometime while I was pregnant he began to drink ( I didn't know) he started back on his meds and told me that he had begun to drink and was hiding out in the garage drinking but had stopped and wanted me to know about it. Turns out while I was hospitalized after baby's birth he started again and has been hiding bottles in the garage and drinking all day every day for months and would get really drunk after I went to bed at night. I suspected and asked many, many times. He said no. My mom found his bottles in the garage last weekend and showed me. He's been lying to my face for months. Hiding things from me. Being a drunken jerkface. He's claimed he's not drinking now, bought a breathalizer and says he'll test whenever I ask and says he'll find a substance abuse therapist but refuses AA.

5, he's also diagnosed bipolar. He'd been medicated properly and except for one time for a short period had taken his meds religiously for most of the time we have been together. During my pregnancy he suddenly stopped taking his meds. I discovered it and he refused to take them. I packed and prepared to leave. I told him unless he was in treatment for his mental illness I was leaving b/c me and baby shouldn't have to suffer his bad choices while he's unmedicated. He got back on meds right away.

But why these bad choices when we are taking on a child? I made decisions based on his long-term status and behavior, and as soon as I was expecting he threw those out of the window and spun our world upside down.
I need help. I need advice maybe just to see the situation for what it really is.

[syrup]

You are going though a lot, he seems very disinterested in you and your life together. He has some major personal problems he needs to work on and own up to if you are going to have a good life together. Maybe divorce/separation is something you need to bring up, if he won't get help to better himself and your lives. You may have to back him into a corner so he has no choice but to make a decision.