Is it worth it anymore?!?

[rbarnez]

Hi I'm Jeremy, 28 years of age, and new to the "loveeeforum"! I'm having lady issues and hope to get some feedback. Hope the story doesn't get too dry but I need to get this off my shoulder and any advice will be appreciated.

I have been with my girlfriend going on 5 years now. At the time we got together I had known her for awhile already. We were both in town and decided to hang out and see eachother. We hit it off instantly. After a few dates and couple weeks later we were intimate & exclusive. She had a 7 month old son at the time I knew all about and wasnt an issue with me whatsoever. The boys dad was in and out of jail and never really saw his son much. She lived with her stepfather/stepsisters. She and her son had not a bed, a room, nothing. They would sleep on the floor. Sad situation to say the least. Her mother was never there and when she was she was no help for her. A few months later she had her mother call me and tell me she was 6 months pregnant. I'm not getting into the specifics on this but she said it was against her will and not with the father of her son. She ended up giving the baby up for adoption and didn't feel comfortable in her situation. We got past this and she moved in a month or so later.

The following months were great we got along well and things were fine. Later in the year She and I were expecting. A month or so later I was laid off of work and things got rough. She was pregnant and I was having problems finding work. We eventually were on food stamps and I was receiving unemployment and doing odd jobs to get by but we were making it, roughly though. I would drink occasionally as would she, even though I was not thrilled about her drinking but she didn't get sloppy and it wasnt alot, still no excuse when I look back at it. Our son was born and he's my everything. This was nearly 2 years after we got together. Things go worse with money. I was to the point I was buying diapers with cashback receipts from food purchases from foodstamps and overdrafting my bank acct just to have heat, diapers, electric. All that was on her shoulder was how much alcohol she could get with the pety change she could round up. Time passed nearly a year later I find fulltime work which I'm still at to this day. This is where it gets interesting.

We move closer to my job. I grow out of my funk, and would have my occasional drink and would she. I would never get sloppy. I always knew what was going on. She would drink vodka to the point she was falling down & tripping over things. She would get violent and I would get pissed. Shed come after me and we'd end up on the ground, but I never struck her. The only thing I regret is enabling her.. I was buying all of this for her and myself but she was drinking to get messed up, I was drinking to relax from a long day at work. We would split 30 beers. I would have say, 6 or 7, she would drink her 15, and drink my 8 the next day. I would tell her not to drink it so I had some for the next day but it never sunk in. It was like that for awhile. It seemed to be what made her happy so I overlooked it most of the time.

After while we moved into a country home even closer to work. She had her own job and was buying her own alcohol now but she'd bring it almost daily. One night while at work I get a call from the sheriff dept saying my 2 year old is missing. This had to be the worst experience of my life. I made it home in like 5 minutes upset as hell and shaken. The ems and fire were involved out searching the property for my son and found him. What had happened is she was drinking vodka and passed out. My son walked out of the house and to the neighbors. She was served papers and summoned to court for child endangerment charges. I paid for her a lawyer & court costs and she was put on probation for a year and not able to consume alcohol, although she does still and around the kids.

That is her background. I'm not sure what so say about mine but I'm not perfect and I've probably done things she doesnt like but the bottom line starts here. I've never been a real alcoholic but I will drink occasionally. Not so much around the kids anymore. She drinks about 5 out of 7 days of the week. I work about 6 days out of the week most of the time, pay about 90 percent of the bills. I go in everyday unless i'm feeling ill but there's sick days and vacation time for that. She cannot hold a job. She constantly calls off and for crap. She doesnt help me for bills unless I ask but usually dont because she always says she's broke, still she buys beer, malt liquor, etc. Over this time our relationship's been hit hard. We fight all the time. It's like she avoids me. She never wants to be intimate, she says I preach to her all the time about her drinking around the kids. Her sons dad just recently got out of prison after 3 years and seems to have straightened himself out, showing a presence in his sons life, and is holding a job.

So here's today. I get home from work at 7 am and lay down with her. The kids are with my mother for the night. I hint to her that I'm feeling a bit frisky. Cuddle up with her but she whines and says " i'm tireddd " I fall asleep, wake up 7 hrs later. She's gone. She had called off work, again, and for the first time since the incident with out son there's a glass of orange juice spiked with vodka and an empty bottle in the trash, a big bottle at that. She knows how I feel about it and she just doesnt care. I don't know what to do anymore.. Her son loves me to death and I don't like thinking of taking my son away from his mother. She clearly could not take care of herself and her boys well being is another thing that runs through my head. If she's not here who watches my son when I work *3rd*.. and when I sleep. I'm in a rut. HELP!! Any responses appreciated. Hope you're still awake!!

[Jason250]

You make decisions is no chance to regret if you love her is the first to go to

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but your best bet for the children's sake, is to have them put into the custody of a family member or call social services to have them put into foster care. Then convince your GF to go to AA with you to get some counseling to quit drinking. If she doesn't comply you can fight for full custody and leave her. Maybe then she will sober up. It's obvious that she is unfit to be a mother, and if you don't act upon it and take responsibility, your lack of action will affect their lives into adulthood. Those kids deserve a stable and safe home so seek out help through social services before one of those kids get hurt or heaven forbid, dies from her neglect.