please help ladies. need some advice.

[rcwood84]

i am having problems finding thorough answers that are useful.My friends advice hasnt been too helpful. I need some opinions from people who are dettached from the situation

my ex and i were together in 2008 and 2009. We had an intense connection. We broke up because we were holding back and afraid to get hurt again. We never officially broke up though & left things hanging. My dad was battling cancer and i was taking care of him. That affected me a lot.

I found out now my ex has returned to college to major in the career I am in. I found out because i saw her on campus from afar and in the college paper. My ex spent a lot of time at another college studying something else. A lso,my ex has taken up my hobbie of rock climbing recently, which i introduced her 2. The staff at my climbing gym randomly told me recently that they have seen my ex in there a lot since December. Mutual friends also say my ex has been oddly listening to a lot of my same music I do when she has not liked it before. She broke up with the person she began seeing after me in the last couple of months. She has seemingly started this new life. It sounds like I am still affecting her life in some way but im not certain. some say it could be coincidences but some have other interpretations, what am i to make of all this behavior from my ex? please help shed light?

also, i had texted me ex in December after seeing her from afar on campus. we chatted. said i missed rock climbing w/ her. she asked how ive been and i said my dad died a couple weeks ago. she did not respond. some say she was probly shocked and didnt know what to say. i was hurt. how do i interpret this?

she was the most beautiful girl i have ever met, inside and outside. i have never had such an intense connection with somebody. i never just sat for several hours glued to someone's lips like that. i have never been able to talk to someone about nothing for hours and be that content. we both got scared and pushed eachother away. that was the death of us. my dad dying taught me a lot. im ready to let love in now w/o fear. i saw her on campus and thought: i wish i could be close to her again and tell her everything i couldnt before.

i want to try and talk to my ex since ive been through a lot and matured a lot. I would like very much to resolve what we left hanging at the very least. Deep down, id like to be back together. i loved her so much & never got to tell her & feel like i want to tell her everything i couldnt back then. I'd also like to shed some light on why i acted the way i did. The semester is over. I wont see her until Fall semester but i dont want to wait..how should i go about this? email? text? talking on the phone is very difficult for me right now.


i can give more details if needed. i really just want to contact her as soon as i can to gain some sort of peace of mind.

[aprilrose4]

I am a big fan of emailing what I need to get off my chest. It gives you the chance to explain everything from circumstances to feelings. I think you need to tell her everything and what you want from her now. If it's love, it's worth it to me to be honest and put myself out there. If nothing else, it is cathartic to write it all down and may even give you peace and perhaps some closure. P.S. Thanks for responding to my post, it helped me alot.

[rcwood84]

I do want to email her but im not sure if she still checks the one i have...would it be wierd to send one to her school email? cuz we go to the same school. idk maybe i will just email her at the one i have for her and shoot her a text and let her know i sent one to that account.

im so nervous i just want to be given a shot for her to hear me out. i wasnt perfect and i regret very much the way i behave but she wasnt perfect either. i would like to think she would at least read what i have to say. idk. i just want to go about this in the right way so she will hear me out.

i know i love her on some level because i have never had a connection like that with anyone before and on some level i thought pushing her away from me was better for her because i was so focused on my dad and his cancer i wasnt giving her the attention she deserved and my head was super mixed up.

should i really let it out come out and tell her everything..or would that scare her off? im not sure how to interpret her behavior and all the life changes she's made either but it seems like she has parts of me still in her life if that makes sense.

and april you are very welcome. good luck with everything with him. i hope it goes well. remember: just be true to your heart.

[MaidenMinx]

I think you've answered your own questions. Send her an email and a text. I don't see what is so wrong with letters these days, I think they are more personal and endearing. But that's just me.

As to her behaviour, two possibilities come to mind. 1) she wants you back so is trying to be where you'll be. 2) she has noted the parts of you that she misses and is finding them within herself.
Her lack of response to your text, that may have been a case of her not being able to think of something to say right away and leaving it so long she then felt awkward saying anything.

[rcwood84]

I dont know what she wants. i have no expectations. im not even sure that i want to get back with her and re-open that chapter anymore. if anything, i just want to get some closure and let her know where i was coming from and apologize for my behavior and my part in the break up. i sent the email. it wasnt filled with flowery declarations of love. it was letting her know what was going on in my life with my dad at the time and how it affected my behavior.it was taking responsibility for the ways i hurt her in the past. it was wishing her well. i asked if she might want to go grab coffee and catch up but let her know that its only if she feels comfortable and i will respect her wishes, whatever they might be. i know she has a new life, as do i. i just want both of us to be happy. whether the road somehow led us back together or not. im going with the latter. still, id love to have her in my life, even as a friend or acquaintance. i think she will always be special in my heart in a way.