This is going to be a long story... and I need some serious advice...

[captainstabbin]

I'm 25, Singaporean male married to a filipina a year younger than me.

We've been livin together for 4 years before getting married.
We had plans for our future, and how it was going to play out. First, I'd support her in her studies, then she'd work then support me in mine.
Everything was going fine, except I delayed studying and decided to venture out in a small business with my friends.

At that point of time, we had a group of friends. Most of them my close friends from high school. I run a family pub business, and she was taking care of it for me.
Probably a group of 8 guys including my wife would usually drink together. Then we started to drift apart, I was busy setting up my new business. She was working a full time job and helping out with the pub. Until we started to drift further from each other. She stopped cuddling, I stopped caring. I was too focused on my business as it was failing, I never knew my relationship with her was too.

One night, she told me she had to work overtime. After some drinks, i decided to surprise her by picking her up from work. When I arrived at her work place, she told me a different story about how she was out drinking with her colleagues. I got really furious by her lies and started to doubt our relationship.

True enough, she came home drunk a seperate night. Her phone's pass code was changed. But i managed it somehow, and she failed to delete one particular message from a friend of mine(Let's call him Gomez). The text messages were about making love, and "i love yous" and their plan to meet that night.

I broke down. I was crushed. Confused and frustrated, I called Gomez and the first thing i said was "are you ****ing my wife?" He kept silent and was in shock. He told me to calm down and listen to myself, as if I weren't making enough sense.

I confronted both of them, and I felt like such a loser. I asked my "friend" to let me work my marriage out and leave us alone.

We both were in a normal relationship again, until a month pass and I found out that she was still at it with him. At that point of time I had it and chased her out of my place. A week later she came begging me to take her back. That she could not bear to part with me and the memories that we once had. I missed her a lot and I caved by speaking to her again. Then she started to stay over nights, til I found out that she's been telling me she loved me but telling Gomez that I was the one begging her to come back. Her reason for this was so he does not get hurt....? (uh?)
*and i found this out by bugging her phone

So i took a long trip to Cambodia, where I had peace of mind. We did not really speak while I was away.
When I got back, she tells me she's missed me and stopped communicating with Gomez. But I noticed from the bug that I planted that she has instead been talking to all her ex "flings", (people who has had a crush on her before, and her ex boyfriends).

I tried to make plans for myself so I wouldn't have to think too much into the relationship, I enrolled myself into a course that will take me 18 months to finish which I feel that she's been complaining about.
Saying things like "You have already made plans for your future, what about me? I wanna further my studies too."

She keeps bringing up the topic of our "status." Wheter we are still considered an item or what our future will be like. But I'm afraid to think and commit to a future with her. Thankfully, we haven't bought a house or had kids yet...

Up til today, she's been staying over... and I do not like the idea of not having her by my side. Neither have I assured her that I want to be with her.

I feel very confused and afraid to trust, and i'm hungover most of the time..lol
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Wakeup]

You're kidding me, right? O.O

[captainstabbin]

I wish >.<

[Wakeup]

Read back your own story and tell us what you'd tell a good male friend. That is your answer.

[4 ratties]

Get away from this deceitful bitch

[thebluepill]

Good thing you two have no children and no assets together. Move on, she is no good. Sorry.

[michelle23]

You need to end this marriage. She betrayed you. Its over

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[captainstabbin]

Yea I thought so too. I'm currently undergoing a course so I try not to think so much about what has happened and has accepted her living with me for the past couple of days however everynight when she comes home from work she brings up the topic on seperation and divorce and when we are going to meet the lawyer. I am getting real irritated by this and have decided to meet with the lawyer and get it done with.

[michelle23]

Its for the best. You cant fix this on your own. It takes two. Sorry this is happening. It cant be easy

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