Boyfriend still talks to his ex

[StrawberryJuice]

Hi everyone! I'm new here.

So anyway... I'm in the ever-so-common situation of having a boyfriend who still talks to his ex. It's bothering me, so I'm hoping to get a little insight on it.

I just found out yesterday that he still keeps in contact with his ex and hides it from me. I did something bad - I snooped through his email (I know, I know - I shouldn't have done it, but...) and found some messages to and from his ex.

Here's the story between them: She's from Russia. They met a few summers ago here in the states, dated, and then broke up in the fall after she went back home. I met him the spring after, and now we've been together for a year and a half. He's talked a little about her, but not that much. She has now moved here to the states since several months ago, but lives halfway across the country right now.

Yesterday I saw that they have sent each other emails asking how thing are going, how's life, etc, and in hers she's mentioned several times that maybe they could visit again sometime [with a symbol, no less! lol.] He's also asked her if she's coming anywhere near our state, and yeah maybe they could see each other some time (though maybe he was just being polite and answering her question?). She was also asking if she could use him as an emergency contact (but I'm wondering why someone would do that if they live that far away?).

This is really bothering me! I know I'm probably over reacting, but I need to figure out how to bring up the issue of his ex with him. What really bothers me is that throughout their emails, (including one over a year ago, before these other emails, saying he just wants to be friends), he's never told her anything like, "Hey, just so you know, I DO have a girlfriend." You'd think in all their messages asking how life is, what have you been up to, etc he'd mention that fact? Obviously he doesn't want to throw it in her face, but I think she really should know.

I need to calm down and figure out how to carefully bring this up to talk to him about it. He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him, and I know I'm being insecure (hey, I've got other problems too), but I have to know! What do I do here?

[bluesummer]

First of all: stop reading his emails. It reeks of distrust.

Secondly, TALK to him about it. You have to let him know how it makes you feel. Maybe he has no intention of meeting up with this girl. You're never going to know or feel comfortable until you guys discuss it and you know what's really going on in his head.

[Illusional]

i once heard this interest, yet very true concept.

would you feel comfortable to have your current and your ex "together" at a conversation?? if yes, then you are over them, but if not, shit just hit the fan.

raverboy

[Hunny]

I tend to believe that once a relationship is REALLY over, you just don't talk anymore. Sounds fishy to me..

[1averagejoe]

i once heard this interest, yet very true concept.

would you feel comfortable to have your current and your ex "together" at a conversation?? if yes, then you are over them, but if not, shit just hit the fan.

raverboy

I wouldn't say that's completely true...my ex cheated on me. I just recently found out that she had been spreading crap about me being forceful and tried to have sex with her. Funny...I was the one that wanted to wait back then. Ohh well I never see her or the people she talks to anymore.

She's cheated on every guy she's been with, she lies about everything, and she's a drama queen. I would not feel comfortable with her there. Needless to say, my ex is a bitch.