the moral of the story...

[thenines]

right so I suppose I will start off by saying that I have never blogged or been a part of any sort if internet chat room so this is a first for me.I ran across this site and figured what do I have to lose?It seems over the last year my life has fallen a part although it seems this has been a long time in the works.I met my husband several years ago while he was ended a long loveless relationship and I suppose at the time I was very idealistic .He was a few years older than me and because I feared my family might disapprove we started the relationship in secret.Almost from the start we were madly in love though he had a child from his previous relationship and though I'd never really wanted a child of my own I loved him and was willing to make a go of it.I thought that he was a good person and a great father so the odds were on our side.About a year before we got engaged I cheated on him.I liked the attention I got from someone new but I knew I still loved my boyfriend.I never got caught we went on to get married.Right before the wedding there seemed to be a shift in our relationship.He worked a lot.We didn't seem to communicate as much as I would have liked but at the time I put it down to stress we had just bought a house and I was planning our wedding.A few months afterwards it became clear that there were major problems.My husband worked all the time while I stayed home with his child.I became very depressed sometimes not leaving my bed unless it was to make dinner and then I go back to sleep.All three of us were unhappy.My family noticed and they encouraged me to go out with friends and get out of the house more which made life at home worse.

In the end I left but after a few months I missed my husband and asked him to take me back.We tried for a few months but it didn't work out.I know the things that I've done in the past were inexcusable.For my part I know that I got lonely and started to pull away and ended up making mistakes but at the same time I had tried to talk to him about how unhappy we were which he refused to even discuss let alone talk to a complete stranger about our problems.I also found out he had secrets of his own running up debt,drinking way to much and taking pills but he never cheated on me.I've gone from feeling like this can never be fixed to wondering if there might still be a chance.I do still love him and feel like I would do anything to get him back sometimes I feel like he would take me back but the real question is when is enough enough?It seemed when we were together we didn't make each other happy but we are miserable apart.

[Gigabitch]

Running up debt and substance abuse could also be considered "inexcusable" in a relationship. You seem to be embracing the role of The Asshole, here, where the truth is more like you were just half of Team Asshole. So get off the cross. Yes, cheating is bad. It's bad, bad, bad, and you're a bad girl. Now, moving on...

Okay. About your depression. I have some experience with this and I strongly believe you were headed in a dangerous direction. Leaving was an act of survival.

It doesn't seem to have made you happy, though. I think you were expecting that everything was going to just turn to sunshine as soon as you got out of your dead-end marriage and now you don't know what to do, but you might try seeing this another way. You went a very long way down a bad road. You both did. It's not going to be a quick recovery for either of you, alone or separate, so stop setting yourself up for disappointment.

I think both of you need a lot of work, and it sounds to me like he's not willing to go there with you. That's sad, it really is, but if he's not willing to join you on the road back to a better place, you are going to have to go without him.

Now, what's the deal with this kid of his that you were staying home with? Was the kid so young it didn't go to school? If so, I find it really odd that it wasn't with it's mom.

And why would your family disapprove? How much older than you is he, actually? And did you choose to be with him rather than pursuing your own life? Did you drop out of school to be with him? If so, maybe you were headed for depression anyway and you were hoping he could catch you, hold you up.

[IndiReloaded]

Running up debt and substance abuse could also be considered "inexcusable" in a relationship. You seem to be embracing the role of The Asshole, here, where the truth is more like you were just half of Team Asshole. So get off the cross. Yes, cheating is bad. It's bad, bad, bad, and you're a bad girl. Now, moving on...

Here's why we love Giga. She knows, listen to her.

Guilt has got to be one of the most overrated, useless things you can do to yourself. Don't think that will keep anyone else from trying it on you, tho, including yourself. Ah, the things we do to keep ourselves from facing what REALLY makes us shit our pants.

Ultimately, the only one you gotta live with is yourself. You can get living sooner, or later. Up to you.

[Mish]

I do still love him and feel like I would do anything to get him back sometimes I feel like he would take me back but the real question is when is enough enough?It seemed when we were together we didn't make each other happy but we are miserable apart.

The worst is the feeling that you get after a long term relationship ends. The first couple of months feel like a tonne of breaks has fallen on you and not matter what you do you can't seem to get back on your feet, you just struggle there buried. Then as you begin dusting yourself off, you still see everything in black and white, you start to filter out a lot of detail and wonder what it still may be like.

Yet deep down inside you know that a decision has already been made and you know all of the reasons why. Deep down you already know which way you should be going. These are just minor distractions from a choice you've already made.