I feel ridiculous and delusional.

[thebirdssing]

Hello So i've been wanting to as advice on this for a while, cause i feel lost.

I met a guy online back in June 2010. I know people don't believe in internet love and friendship, but I think it can happen. It happened to me before, we dated for a year, we ended up not being right for each other, but we have had some happy moments.

So, it happened to me again. I let it happen, with my stupid face, and i feel horrible about it. I met the guy and he was so interesting. I know this might sound crazy but he was unlike anyone I ever met. He wrote novels, listened to the same music as i did, loved animals, loved traveling, loved art and reading, was just a good guy. We skyped all the time and we called as well. The only problem was that he lived in Australia and I lived in Holland. Before we even liked each other we discussed our travelling plans for the next summer, and my plan was so go to Australia. Since he lived there he gave me a lot of information about where i wanted to go and we were super excited to meet up. I have to admit that the more I liked him, the more my trip became to revolve around meeting him, which was not healthy. We talked every day. He became one of my best friends, and I truly loved him as a friend. It wasnt like I was talking to a computer. Most of the time we just video chatted. It wasnt like we were only reading each others words, we were communicating verbally and we saw each other. I know this guy is special. After a while we realized how hard it was. My trip was still 6 months away and I could feel he was getting depressed cause of staying inside and being on the computer so much, and I was unhappy too. But I wanted him so badly and I just couldn't stop. He did stop though. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks and all of a sudden he had a girlfriend. He told me that he had never told me about her because he was afraid of my reaction and that he didn't know how to stop his feelings for her, knowing he never met me and knowing it could be completely different from what we expected. I know he didn't want things to end this way, but it hurts me so much that he's in love with someone and wants to be with her so bad. I also know this is not just a fling, I know he wants her. Typing that out just makes me so sad. We haven't talked much since January, but he's on my mind every day. Every now and then I get an email of him saying he misses me and still sees me as a friend, but I refuse to contact him and chat with him the way we used to, cause it's just too hard.

I tried so much to forget him. I deleted him from everything, and even tried to find a rebound. That rebound screwed me over and I don't even care, cause I don't feel much for him. I'm still going to Australia of course, but I don't know whether I should meet up with him or not. It's just weird that I'm going to be 1 hour away from his house and, should I just pass it and pretend I don't know that he lives right there? I don't know if I can do that. I so badly want to know what he's like, but I'm afraid he'll be the person I think he is and that I'll be so heart broken when I leave and never be able to forget him.

A part of me is laughing at myself for feeling this way about a guy I've never met. I know that these situations can make a person see things that aren't there, and maybe I am delusional for thinking he is the perfect guy, when he's not, but I know that we have a connection and I know that he's special to me. I just want to know if I should forget about him and erase him from my life completely, or if it's worth to meet up with him. I know I'm young, and I know he's probably not "the one", but ****ing hell, I just can't forget him. I feel like I look for him in every guy I meet, and I just want a guy who has as much with me in common as he does, and who thinks the way he does, and it's driving me insane. I want to know how to get over someone you can't possibly be with. I need advice

[Boisdevie]

You need to work out why you are 'falling' for people even before you've met them in person. Are you scared of dating in the 'real world' and prefer something artificial like online stuff? Surely there must be lots of guys where you live? Why not try to find one of them.

[chibambi]

aw.. =(
if you think you can put ur feelings aside when u see him.. then u should meet up with him.
do you think u'll enjoy ur trip if u'r with him? knowing that he only sees u as a friend and he's in love with someone else?
can you stop urself from getting ur hopes up if u ended up enjoying his company?

if not.. y don't u juz take a friend with u in ur trip?

itz hard to forget about the person u rily like or love... especially if u still hav that little hope that maybe one day he'll juz suddenly say that he loves u and wants to be with u..

u said he still sends u msgs.. try not to read them.. maybe that will help..

try to go out more.. make urself rily busy...
if u play computer games.. then use that as a way to make urself busy..
try to learn new stuff.. like learn how to play guitar or piano.. =P

[thebirdssing]

You need to work out why you are 'falling' for people even before you've met them in person. Are you scared of dating in the 'real world' and prefer something artificial like online stuff? Surely there must be lots of guys where you live? Why not try to find one of them.

I know, but that's not a solution to this problem. And I'm not scared of dating in real life. Like I said, I tried to find a rebound. I hung out with this guy for two months, had sex and everything, I even thought I might really feel more for him, but when it ended I felt bad for 2 days and just moved on. I'm not socially awkward, I get a lot of attention from guys in real life, and I have a lot of friends. I don't know why I keep falling for people online, but I know I don't just fall for every guy I meet. It happened, but I do have a life you know I think it's hard to see me as a normal person who just functions perfectly fine in society when something surreal like this happens, but I promise I'm not some weirdo.

aw.. =(
if you think you can put ur feelings aside when u see him.. then u should meet up with him.
do you think u'll enjoy ur trip if u'r with him? knowing that he only sees u as a friend and he's in love with someone else?
can you stop urself from getting ur hopes up if u ended up enjoying his company?

if not.. y don't u juz take a friend with u in ur trip?

itz hard to forget about the person u rily like or love... especially if u still hav that little hope that maybe one day he'll juz suddenly say that he loves u and wants to be with u..

u said he still sends u msgs.. try not to read them.. maybe that will help..

try to go out more.. make urself rily busy...
if u play computer games.. then use that as a way to make urself busy..
try to learn new stuff.. like learn how to play guitar or piano.. =P

That's the problem though, I don't think I can put my feelings aside when I meet him. I know he won't try anything.. I'm not hoping for that. And I'm not going on the trip with him or for him, I'm starting in Sydney and going to go up to Cairns, he happens to live right inbetween there. So I'll probably be crossing his hometown, and I'm figuring out whether I should meet him or not. I feel like if I don't, I'll always wonder, but if I do, my trip might get ruined and I've been looking forward to this forever and saving up forever, so I don't want that to happen.

[devonbrown]

Just be careful... With never meeting him, you don't know how much of your falling for him is because of things you have made up in your own mind... I am not saying you are intentionally making things up, but our brains tend to "fill in the blanks" so to speak when we don't have all of the information in front of us. In your case, you don't have him in front of you, so your mind has filled in the blanks with very positive things that has made you fall for him.

When you do meet him, try to convince yourself it really is the first time you are meeting him and do it without any preconceived notions.

Good luck.

[thebirdssing]

^ Thank you. I know you're right. I keep telling myself that, but this little devil on my shoulder tells me he really is like that, and that I can't have just made that up.

I also feel like I fall back to him whenever I and a guy in real life don't work out. I start comparing and realize I like him the most. Sometimes I think it's just a game I'm playing with myself and sometimes I really do feel it.. it's so frustrating. I know I care, but sometimes I wonder if it's just cause I get bored when I don't have anyone at that moment? It's weird. Thanks for you advice though, I really appreciate it.

[reeba]

What is so great about this guy? He was having a cyber affair behind his gf's back. He lets you buy expensive plane tickets and take vacation to see him. And bam, when he realizes his internet gf and his real gf might collide in person on his home turf, he ditches you and says he has a gf in Australia.

If the above doesn't make you realize that he is NOT your fantasy guy. Then why do you think meeting him face to face, will help you determine that he is NOT your fantasy guy.

Anyway, what was next if he did prove to be great. Someone move? Or continue being seperated by an ocean and being miserable.

Do not meet him. There is no good scenerio.

[thebirdssing]

I'm pretty sure he didn't have a girlfriend when we were talking. He met her when we were already talking. And I was already going to go to Australia before I liked him, I'd never just fly half way across the world to meet a guy I met online, I'm not that crazy.

You don't know what it was like between us those 8 months we talked though. I appreciate your effort to give me advice but it's not all that simple. I think meeting him will at least make me realize what he's really like. If he's not my kinda guy, I can move on, and if he is, I need to realize that it will never work out.

I know that it's best not to meet him. I don't think I will, it's just really tough. I just don't want to keep torturing myself by thinking he's mr. perfect if he turns out to be a complete loser and I've been feeling like shit for nothing.