Am I delusional?

**needfeedback** · 19-01-08, 07:17 AM

I've been in a relationship with a guy for a little over a year now. It progressed to the point where he was gradually moving in. He has mostly male friends, but recently he started working (he's a musician) with an older woman singer (she's 38, he's 27 and I'm 31). He told me about her from the start, and even let me listen to the music they made together. It was all okay with me, until her 2nd or 3rd call to him, which he would always answer in front of me. Then I found some pictures of them together (among others). They were head shots, cheek to cheek, on two different occasions.
He did not tell her about me.

Nothing really changed during that time in regards to us ... in fact he was coming home pretty much every night, setting things up in the apartment, and even bringing roses ...

So...I'm not sure why I was so hurt and angered by it.hy he didn't tell her about me. I kicked him out because of it. I am going to see a therapist about this, because I have never been a jealous girlfriend, well not to this extent...on one hand I think there is something really wrong with me, on the other hand I think I have right to be suspicious ... please let me know what you think ...

**TheSphinx** · 19-01-08, 09:02 AM

It sounds like there was a good bit of room for miscommunication.

Work with your therapist to help you gain some self realization through your response to his actions and grow from it.

~Sphinx

**wxyz00** · 19-01-08, 02:57 PM

the fact that he didn't acknowledge your existence to his lady friend is a delicate matter.... did you confront him about this?

**Stresscity** · 19-01-08, 08:01 PM

I can understand how you feel I am kind of dealing with the same issue. Yet I think that you should have asked him his reasonings for not telling her that he was in a relationship with you.
Try talking to him you might be able to work things out with him.

**gartlas** · 19-01-08, 10:42 PM

yes your delusional,although most of my friends are guys some of my closest are girls.my girlfriend doesnt get paranoid because I befriend someone else ....listen to the first shoulder angel...somethings wrong with you! Nah just kidding but you are being a eency bit paranoid...

**Gigabitch** · 20-01-08, 05:37 AM

Originally Posted by needfeedback

Then I found some pictures of them together (among others). They were head shots, cheek to cheek, on two different occasions.

This means nothing at all.

Originally Posted by needfeedback

He did not tell her about me.

This means everything.

You're not being paranoid, or a "jealous girlfriend". Are you absolutely sure that he didn't tell her about you- that she doesn't even know you exist? If so, I think you were right to throw him out. That's a freaking huge red flag.

**vashti** · 20-01-08, 06:47 AM

Yes, I agree with giga. I can't imagine any good reason for him not telling her about you.

**CAM** · 20-01-08, 12:36 PM

You are living in a fantasy world IF you want him to be fresh as a daisy with never having had an emotional response to anyone other than you.

He's not screwing his female co-worker. He's buddies with her, that's it.

You are very insecure. And you are going to lose someone that you cherish if not careful.

**vashti** · 20-01-08, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by CAM

He's not screwing his female co-worker. He's buddies with her, that's it.

And this you know because...??

**CAM** · 20-01-08, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by vashti

And this you know because...??

Head shots of heads together like those described...nothing is touching lower in the photo...no genitalia is being rubbed. I know those photos, having been the male star in the non-sexual friendship with too many women. Privately: I admit to hating those types of "definitely going nowhere" relationships

**vashti** · 20-01-08, 01:39 PM

I believe it was already pointed out that the photos were meaningless. How do you explain the secrecy about having a girlfriend?

**CAM** · 20-01-08, 02:02 PM

The secrecy about having a woman friend? Well, I'm thinking that it is possible that he knows that the poster is insecure and would flip out if he brought it up. So, he was scared shitless.

**vashti** · 20-01-08, 03:29 PM

No, I think you misunderstand, CAM. The guy didn't bother telling his woman friend that he has a girlfriend.

**CAM** · 20-01-08, 04:07 PM

ah, okay. Thanks for the clarification. Well, then he's an asshole.

**needfeedback** · 23-01-08, 01:11 AM

Thanks for the responses ... I was a little afraid to even hear what they would be.

I have had relationships where my boyfriend had several girl friend and I had boy friends and it was fine. That is why I don't know why I am so possessive now. I guess it comes down to whether you believe a man and woman can just be friends.

Anyways, after I threw him out, he then told the woman that I had thrown him out, at which point she said "I thought you might have a girlfriend". (???) This is what he tells me. He also said that when they met she had a guy with her ... and that she always had guys around her when they met up.

Him not telling her about me is bad, but it would be worse if he didn't tell me about her, right?

He has been calling and I am so completely TERRIFIED OF BEING HURT that I can not respond.

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Am I delusional?

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