Hi there,
I have known Lucas for 6 months now. All the time he has been in love with me, and I thought that I didn't love him back. So I kept my friendship but told him that we could only be friends. I even moved away for three months and didn't think of him at all. Maybe because I was having the time of my life.
Well since I got home he contaced immideatly wanting to meet up, and I felt like it was too much so I deliberately distanced myself. He attempted many times but I never even gave him a chance. I was dealing with some personal crisis so I just didn't bother thinking about this.
But now I have come to my sences and am myself again. No acting, no nothing, but just me. And Lucas won't answer me. I feel so alone without him. And I miss him terribly. I am so angry at myself for not thinking. Realizing how special he is and beautiful. I always knew though that we were alike. Soulmates. I connected more with him than any of my friends. I am a complex person and though I have many friends there is probably none which knows me.
We never had sex. I was always waiting for something better. I catagorized him for not meeting my standards and yes not beeing man enough. I admit though that if he had turned me on sexually at some point when we were first meeting each other I would probably not have ignored him.
So the situation is this. My heart is aching. The other day after a party night with my friends I cried more intensely than I have for 5 years. I am depressed and thinking of moving away. Everything reminds me of us. I burst into cries anytime.
I tried to call two times the other week following up by a text that I missed him. He hasn't answered and I think he either thinks I'm a total evil person or is in love with someone.
Any advice? Please I really need some help