please spend one minute to read it !

[Sondos]

Hi there,
I'm confused about my situation, me and my husband arrived to canada before 6 months and when we arrived I insisted by his family to let his mam come with us one month with us and the next one with his sister and so on, anyway, I tried to refuse and he couldn't do anything because she is his mam

now, I'm working, he still didn't has job and I'm spending my money on him and also on his mam, I don't care about the money but I care about (I didn't feel he care about me and he used me) he told me I love you but only when I'm Ok.

I mean when I'm sick or I need him I never find him, also he doesn't help me in doing the home work , he waits me till I return back and do lunch for me and for him, I called him many times one day told him please I'm so hungry do any thing and he say ok when you will arrived we will do to gather,

me if I'm home and he outside I always prepare food for him ,I never bought for myself anything without buying something in the same price for him - he never asked but I say I should help him because he didn't has job

but at the same time I feel I'm tired return back doing many things and see his mam and many times I saw him not happy , he insist to do baby but if he didn't help me how could I do baby - the baby will be only my responsiblity I know that very well,

so please I need advice , because I have some felling towards him but I feel I'm over to bear more , if I divorce him will the life be easy or I will loose something I didn't feel it now

he is so weak , I'm doing every thing the decission , the responsibility

[Sondos]

himmmmmm, no answers from man forum

[Junket]

And you won't be because we don't appreciate duplicate posts.

[dewilliams2]

Yea...you really shouldn't post twice...on this forum men and women post in either place even though it says just men and women....there were some guys that responded to your other post.

As for my opinion (as a male)....you need to either tell the guy he has to man up and help out around the house or your going to leave him.

I was out of work a few years ago and while my then gf was at work I made sure the house was cleaned, dinner was cooked, and a hot bath was ready for her when she got home....I wasn't really doing anything else.

I'm not sayin he has to go that far but he should at least be doing the cooking and cleaning for you.

[Lulu]

You had to beg for food, huh?? LMAO- sorry but this sounds kind of pathetic! This man is a chump.

[Incognito]

Sometimes things happen as far as not being able to find work. When I first got married and moved to another state it took me 10 months to find steady work. I wasn't a bum, its just that the job market sucked there. Since your english isn't the best I had to guess at what you were trying to say at times, but it seems like....

You two got married and a series of relatives have lived with you
His mother still lives with you
He doesn't work
His mom doesn't work
You provide for the entire household
He doesn't support you at all (doesn't make your lunch, doesn't cook/clean, isn't emotionally supportative)
He wants to have a baby with you

This is all bad. You should definetly NOT have a baby with this guy right now, because it will be your sole responsibility judging by the other things that go on there. I personally was embarrassed when it took me so long to find a job. I felt like less of a man, because real men provide for their families. Is he even looking for a job? Is his mom looking for a job, or doing things around the house? If not you need to just divorce him and kick his family out of your house. Don't be afraid to divorce him just because he's weak. He's using his seeming weakness to take advantage of you, and so is his mother.

[Sondos]

thanks alot for the replays and I'm sorry I will not post any thing twise

[rosenesponda]

dear just talk talk with him

[Sondos]

I talked to him thousand time, this is his roles:
- baby (I should give him time when we will do baby maximum till the next Dec.) even if he don't have work
- his mam stay with us and I should accept this
- this is his nature he couldn't help me in doing home staff - he may be do it one time a month)
and for me I don't want his rules so I will pay the rent for another apartment and move on the next 2 months- he choose his family and he said I couldn't do any thing

for me , I'm young and smart and I don't need him, so it is enought for me and I talked to my sister and brohter and they told me yes he is a big looser
I love him but I feel really comfortable with this idea

I know the lonely is diffecult especially I'm alone in Canada but I can bear it

[dewilliams2]

Well I'm glad you've realized the guy doesn't deserve you....you'll be fine.

[Sondos]

The first thing thank you for your reply but in this time,I feel I'm so lost escpecially I don't have friend yet - I spend all my time in work
or trying to thinking about another people (I don't mean to do relation ) only thinking in my mind nothing in truth will happen and I start analysing the other people behaver with me just to escape from this time

[Sondos]

as I told here we decided to divorce and today I went to the bank to do the money order for rent and I did, before that at the morning he told me we couldn't stay togather never and he ripped all the merrage pictures and and when I went to give the application to the responsible person he called me , he was with his family and told me I accept all your rules, Mam will never come her , I will serve you and I don't want baby but he say it in way without having any love, and told me don't ask me for love like before may be it will return back and might not, I'm thinking what I should do I decided to leave him because he didn't give me a chance and now he accepts all my rules..

I'm confused and tired. what I should do, I even don't know now my real feeling to him

please advice me

[dewilliams2]

Honestly it depends on how much more you want to take and how much effort you want to put into this relationship.

If I were you I would probably walk away. He doesn't appreciate or respect you although at least now after you have issued and ultimatum he is willing to make some changes (even if he is behaving as though you are pulling his teeth out through is ass).

If you want to continue with this relationship I would advise you tell him exactly what changes you need to be made and ask him if he wants you to make any changes and then follow that up by the to of you seeing a professional regularly.

I do not know how much money you have to put towards this and if it is covered by the Canadian health care program (I'm really not familiar with it).

I am also not familiar as to what religion or denomination you prescribe to if any at all...you certainly don't have to say. But with that said you may consider going and seeing a minister or priest. Many times churches will do marriage counseling regardless of your own personal view and beliefs on religion.

[Sondos]

no dear
this is just the procedure for rent, the money will already took from my account, no one will help me in this it is my money and I do this money order just tol let the company know I want to rent this appartment if they agree they will take the money otherwise they will return the money to my accountno dear
this is just the procedure for rent, the money will already took from my account, no one will help me in this it is my money and I do this money order just tol let the company know I want to rent this appartment if they agree they will take the money otherwise they will return the money to my account

I told him what I want him to change but I don't know what I'm feeling towards him,I don't know if I want to complete with him or not because he let me reached to the decision point then he changed

I'm Christian but I'm not religious person

[boobaa]

as I told here we decided to divorce and today I went to the bank to do the money order for rent and I did, before that at the morning he told me we couldn't stay togather never and he ripped all the merrage pictures and and when I went to give the application to the responsible person he called me , he was with his family and told me I accept all your rules, Mam will never come her , I will serve you and I don't want baby but he say it in way without having any love, and told me don't ask me for love like before may be it will return back and might not, I'm thinking what I should do I decided to leave him because he didn't give me a chance and now he accepts all my rules..

I'm confused and tired. what I should do, I even don't know now my real feeling to him

please advice me

So he blatantly accepted everything... Do you know what this means? You basically already said it. I think you would do him a favour if you leave him, maybe he will man up a bit. It seems like your relationship with this guy from now on will be based on just an ultimatum. That, plus him saying stuff doesn't mean it is going to be this way. Obviously you are not happy with this man. Where are you both from anyway? Maybe you have some culture issues?
It will be lonely out there, and it will be hard, but if you have the guts, you will make it.