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Thread: Can I finally trust him and if so will I be in danger?

  1. #1
    Join Date
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    Can I finally trust him and if so will I be in danger?

    My bf has historically told me "white lies" about his money. He has been a very tight financial situation for several years but I think his ego was in the way and his impulse to buy things.

    After several breakups because of his behavior, he has now come back to me once again and promised he will never lie again and further, that he is a new man and cleaned up his act. Specifically, he is very budget conscious and pays his bills on time. After some investigation of my own, I believe this is right. Of course, he has an inheritance fund to use for the larger bills but has assured me all of those are behind him and he still has $30K left as "savings". He also promised to start a savings account with extra money he has in his checking account. The extra $ is because he has used the inheritance fund to pay off all of his credit cards and also bought new clothes with that money which will last a while.
    On a monthly basis, he shoud have extra funds since now he works and collects social security. I'm estimating it to be about $150-$200/month.

    He is 66 and we'be been on and off again for several years. He wants to be exclusive and build a long term life with me. I assume that means at least living together. He is very loving and family oriented. I just don't know if I'll be conned again or not? It is possible he has finally changed and I don't need to worry about money issues on his side? As stated above, he is collecting social security and has a job with a modest salary so he has more than enough to pay his bills but other than the inheritance fund and anything he adds to it, he has no $ for retirement.

    He wants me to tell my kids now that "we are back together" so that he is free to tell his family and friends.
    Am I kidding myself - will I end up supporting him either way even if he is truthful moving forward? I do love him and he is very good to me but I'm really scared that if we live together somehow I'll have to take care of him.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by believe View Post
    My bf has historically told me "white lies" about his money. He has been a very tight financial situation for several years but I think his ego was in the way and his impulse to buy things.

    After several breakups because of his behavior, he has now come back to me once again and promised he will never lie again
    ...

    RED FLAG. You've broken up several times because of his behavior and he never managed to make significant changes. He is saying he will change and never lie to you because he knows you will go back to him and he won't need to follow through. My advice to you is to move on without him. Moving on can be scary, but he is holding you back. You can't possibly trust him now and in my experience, people don't change. People are capable of change, but they really need to want to change, on their own and not for anyone else, and most people don't change at all. Once you allow yourself to move forward, the more you separate yourself from this relationship, the more clearly you will see this relationship isn't right for you. There are plenty of people out there with better qualities for dating, and this guy doesn't suit your needs.

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