Complex situation need advice! I'm 26 she's 35 w/ a kid

[jt03]

How we met:

I met a girl through work about 7 months ago through a training class. We hit it off pretty well and became instant friends and had a lot in common. I was quite familiar that she was with someone and had a young child and had no intentions on being anything past friends (I was with someone at the time as well). We did exchange numbers and have kept in contact since training and kept it pretty proffessional. I would text her with certain problems or interesting things happening inter company and would text only during work hours out of respect to her boyfriend (childs father).

Fast forward to a week ago:

I noticed her kind of flirting a bit through text and talking about possibly going to lunch one day to catch up on everything (as friends). So I agreed to go out one evening after work. She was showing a bit of interest and I held myself back knowing she is with someone and has a kid with him despite her being very attractive and being a total package of brains, beauty etc. We ended up having a great time and went out the next night and we drank a bit got more loose and one thing led to another and we had sex. I felt really guilty knowing the situation with her at home and her relationship did come up a couple times previously and she basically said she is still with him because of their kid, comfort zone, security etc but is not really happy with him. She suspected him of cheating on her in the past and could never really get over it, and other problems with personality clashes not much in common etc.

The Question:

I am quite interested in this girl but there are several obstacles and concerns I have..

Some of them being..

1. Her relationship with her kids father. I don't want to be a home wrecker! But I don't want to lose an opportunity to be with a girl that is like no other I have ever met. And I am pretty much head over heels for.

2. Age difference. I want to have kids and she said she would like to have another child (not with him). I don't want to be in a rush cause of my mates biological clock, and would like to plan ahead, be married etc.

3. She seems to be the type that is afraid to be alone. Is she looking for someone to be a inbetween rebound so she can finally move on from her current relationship?

4. She cheated on him with me. She claims she hasn't cheated on him before which I can believe.Is it possible to have a working relationship with me thinking "she might do it to me if she did it to him"



She is very interested and says how crazy she is about me after being intimate for a week now. I basically told her I am willing to give things a try and put forth a good effort on dating her despite the baggage and issues. But I want her to make the decision if she wants to leave her current boyfriend now, I don't want to be the reason she leaves him or pressure her to leave him. I have been very cool with the situation and not really expecting anything but I am not sure if I want to continue and get deeper emotionally involved with her and end up getting the short end of the stick.

Or even starting a relationship that is destined to fail due to the history thus far...

She doesn't need financial help so I know that isn't an issue, she owns the house they live in. I really do like her a lot and have yet to find a girl so interesting and a complete package all together. We also can't really see each other much either due to the combination of work and her child etc. This last week he was at his grandmas with her boyfriend so she had a bit of free time. I feel bad about the situation and I think I am in a bit of a complex spot, any advice is appreciated.


Please help!

[reeba]

You don't want to be a home wrecker - you already helped her cheat, too late to worry about that one
You are worried about her morals - well you helped her cheat, isn't like you have a spotless character
Now you are scared you are the rebound - what about the fling you two had that was pre rebound? were you scared then?
Age difference - didn't bother you before

You assisted the break up of a relationship. And now you want to dump her? I hope her ex will take her back, and I hope she learned a lesson. And for you, you are tons worse than she is moral wise.

[jt03]

You don't want to be a home wrecker - you already helped her cheat, too late to worry about that one
You are worried about her morals - well you helped her cheat, isn't like you have a spotless character
Now you are scared you are the rebound - what about the fling you two had that was pre rebound? were you scared then?
Age difference - didn't bother you before

You assisted the break up of a relationship. And now you want to dump her? I hope her ex will take her back, and I hope she learned a lesson. And for you, you are tons worse than she is moral wise.

Did you actually read my post? They are still together, we are not together. I want to get other peoples advice on how to handle this and make sure this is going to work if things fall in place.

[MerryH]

"Guys, I did a bad thing, and here are more bad things on top of that. Should I continue to do this bad thing?"

The answer is no, of course not. Nobody in their right mind would tell you this is a good idea. You want us to help you rationalize sleeping with a married woman. I don't think that's going to happen for you here.

Also, take what she said about her relationship with a grain of salt. Nobody who cheats is going to say, "Yep, my relationship is pretty great and I'm super happy. Let's bone now." They have to say that it sucks so you won't feel as bad helping them cheat. So if that's one of the reasons why you're telling yourself it's okay, you could have been misled.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, I love these posts of Merry's.

[hello1]

Yeah I think you are being played...she won't leave the father of her child, nope.

All people who have affairs like yours lie to the mistress or in your case mister! I bet maybe she was getting revenge on her boyfriend for cheating and he properly isn;t showing her any attention but does she want them to be happy together? you bet she does, sleeping with you is a cry for help

[Ugly_Idiot]

Slightly similar to the situation i've just been in. If it helps mate, i was having an affair with a 32 year old, 3 kids, and a husband....im 23 (i had a gf). The affair lasted 6 months, til recently she has seperated from her husband, and i finished my gf. Both within 2 days of each other (coincidence?) lol.

We have a connection that neither of us have ever felt, and it's definitely the start of something real. I dont feel like a home wrecker, she was unhappy with her husband and wanted to leave anyway, i was just the catalyst.

I'm now scared about meeting the kids/family. Never mind the husband who's not going to take a liking to me....

So hope that at least makes you feel like your not the only one

Just treat it as an affair for now mate and enjoy!

[jt03]

I must say this is probably the worst forum I have ever seen. SHE IS NOT MARRIED. Read the post or don't reply. Thank you for the intelligent replies for those who took the time to read.

[Ugly_Idiot]

I must say this is probably the worst forum I have ever seen. SHE IS NOT MARRIED. Read the post or don't reply. Thank you for the intelligent replies for those who took the time to read.

F**k off to another forum then. I did not imply she was married.

[vashti]

I believe the relationship with this man IS over (at least, emotionally), or she wouldn't have given you the time of day, but you WILL have to worry about how she handles breakups if she ever gets together with you. Also, I don't think you are old enough to deal with the whole step-daddy thing. Additionally, there is no way around that whole biological clock thing.

If I were you, I'd move on.

[MerryH]

I must say this is probably the worst forum I have ever seen. SHE IS NOT MARRIED. Read the post or don't reply. Thank you for the intelligent replies for those who took the time to read.

After I posted, I had a feeling you would have an issue with the use of the word "married." It was used to simplify her situation.

Fine. Common law married, then. Doesn't change anything.

[DarkHelmet82]

F**k off to another forum then. I did not imply she was married.

dude.. relax.. you gonna get pissed off that easy?

[Wakeup]

I am quite interested in this girl but there are several obstacles and concerns I have..

Some of them being..

1. Her relationship with her kids father. I don't want to be a home wrecker! But I don't want to lose an opportunity to be with a girl that is like no other I have ever met. And I am pretty much head over heels for.

2. Age difference. I want to have kids and she said she would like to have another child (not with him). I don't want to be in a rush cause of my mates biological clock, and would like to plan ahead, be married etc.

3. She seems to be the type that is afraid to be alone. Is she looking for someone to be a inbetween rebound so she can finally move on from her current relationship?

4. She cheated on him with me. She claims she hasn't cheated on him before which I can believe.Is it possible to have a working relationship with me thinking "she might do it to me if she did it to him"

Those are all predjudices that you have ingrained in you which makes it really ironic that you let your dick lead you to a conclusion that deep down you thought would never lead to her leaving him for you. Now you're pulling up all your preconceived ideas about cheaters... which are mostly good reasons not to get involved with somone elses problem. (her).

The connection is always over the top it seems with you people who cheat and allow a cheater to cheat with you because all you are getting is an hour of two of each others company and you have no idea how compatible you'll actually be once you're in it full tilt. It's obviously a completely different dynamic when there are strings involved.

Leave her alone and I bet she won't leave him. Stop the hook ups, stop the secret meet ups for sex and give her a chance to decide without the temptation of your dick influencing her. She's weak and your scared... shitty combo for a happy union. Watch she doesn't "accidently" get preggers.

[Ugly_Idiot]

dude.. relax.. you gonna get pissed off that easy?

I'm always relaxed, maybe i should of put a smiley face at the end of it....