Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone New..

[designrae]

I'm 28 years old. I broke up with my ex a little over a month. We dated for almost 4 years. I had a lot of feelings for him and still do. From the sound of it he doesn't have a problem with talking to or being with another girl. Maybe it's a guy thing I don't know. When it comes to me I feel guilty if I date or consider dating another guy. A new guy has taken an interest in me but I feel like I'm cheating even though I know in my head that I'm not. Why? What's up with that? I don't get it.

[Spring Haze]

You're still reeling from your long term relationship. Give it time.

[IncognitoSir]

It's because you haven't gotten over your ex of nearly 4 years.........btw, thats TOTALLY normal! Dont rush it, you'll just end up making a mess of anything with the new guy. Just be stright up with him and tell him whats going on with you.

[Illusional]

4 years is a long time to have had a relationship with someone and you're not gonna change your feelings overnight. even though you two have been broken up for a month or so, you're still fresh to the single scene. give it time and you'll be able to stop feeling guilty.

raverboy

[vashti]

It's too soon to be dating. That's why.

[Illusional]

well not exactly. let's say that she was the one who had broken off the relationship. therefore she would have ample time to reexamine her feelings. but if she was the one who was being dumped, maybe she just feels lonely and needs some companionship. my ex was the same way. honestly i hated her for being the way she is.. but i couldn't change her and i left it at that.

raverboy

[designrae]

I wanted to thank everyone for the replies. I appreciated it.

And I was the one to break it off. It was a smart decision but an abrupt one to say the least.

[sookie6]

I wanted to thank everyone for the replies. I appreciated it.

And I was the one to break it off. It was a smart decision but an abrupt one to say the least.

Being the one to break it off does not mean you have stopped feeling anything for your ex just that the relationship was not making you happy...

You need to take your time otherwise there's a chance you won't enjoy your next romance.

I jumped in bed with someone else too soon after a break-up once and it was like I was not even there.

Probably what they call being on the rebound...

[Illusional]

since you were the one to break it off, can i ask you the reason?

raverboy

[Lite]

If you're not ready to date someone else, just go sleep with them to make your ex seethe.

[designrae]

since you were the one to break it off, can i ask you the reason?

raverboy

Well we dated for four years and I was the kind of girl that hoped one day her boyfriend would change so I stuck around keeping my fingers crossed. He wasn't trusting of me at all. If I talked to a guy friend of mine he assumed I was sleeping with him. That would cause a fight. When we argue he puts me down or puts my friends and family down. I was called every name in the book. I started thinking I wasn't worth much of anything when I really am. He would just pick, pick, pick at me in the calmest voice OR give me the silent treatment until I would start yelling and then he would say I was the one fighting with him since I was the one yelling. I would actually stop and think, "Hm.. maybe he's right. I AM the one yelling..." I walked on egg shells making sure not to say this or that, or act a certain way he didn't want me to. He never laid a hand on me but a few months ago he tried pushing me down the steps but says, "If I really wanted to I could have but I didn't want to." I guess it was considered verbal abuse. There's a whole bunch more but I'll say this one last thing... I do love him. I loved him when he was nice and "normal" and that's what I miss right now. Though I said all this bad stuff about him he had a lot of great qualities. I wanted so much from us. I know us breaking up is a good thing and everyone else agrees but in my mind it's hard to convince myself of it when I look back at how many great times we had when he was not mean.

[vashti]

You are just lonely, designrae. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the good times, and then start dating. When you fall for someone who isn't an asshole, you will look back in shock that you ever tolerated such behavior.

[Wonder87]

the guy is out dating girls because he cant deal with the pain of being alone. Chances are he wont be changing for whoever he dates again. You, on the other hand, are stronger than that. I felt the same way, my ex girlfriend went out with all her guy friends that swoon over her and she loves leading on. I never realized it, but she did that to all those poor people. Shes probably at a bar or something and about to lead another guy on, or date with poor intentions in mind.

Youre being mature. Good for you.

[nyancola]

if you like this new guy, and he really likes you, youre gona mess it up. a quick rebound would make you feel better about being with someone else, espacially if your ex is out and about with with girls. but an attempt at a real relationship so early might make you feel like love isnt real. good luck, youve been through a journey and i hope you can be proud of yourself and what you have learned.

[*D*]

I personally feel you made the right decision to break off the relationship. you were finally able to break free from something that you were not recieving 100 percent of what you were giving. You are very strong for pulling through. It is very obvious that you still have feelings for him and it will take time to move on. At the same time if you feel you can date around that is also a good thing. there is nothing wrong with enjoying yourself but also watch for others feelings. This other guy thats interested in you needs to know you just got out of a long relationship and your not looking for a relationship at the moment. As long as your honest to yourself and you are happy with what you are doing then everything will fall into place. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong