Don't understand wifes actions?

[mustang67]

Hello about 3 weeks ago my wife of three years said she needed space, and moved out a week later I found out she has been cheating on me with a man 20 years older then her. I found out through my 4 year old daugther. Now everytime she talks to me she is always angry, and she is just being really rude to me like I don't matter. When I finally said to her why are you being this way to me she said paused and said its the only way I can get you out of here. So I asked do you still have feelings for me she said I don't want to talk about it. In fact she hasn't even tried to talk to me unless she is yelling at me for something, she hasn't even told her family about this guy yet. But her actions just isn't her, she was never like this, plus her wedding ring is still on. My question is this is it possible she still has feelings for me and is using this anger to push me away so she doesn't have to feel guilty or is she just trying to paint me as the bad guy to make herself feel better?

[vashti]

It sounds to me like she is trying to make you angry enough at her that you abandon her.

[NeoSeminole]

try to get video or photographic evidence that she's cheating on you (hire a spy if you need to). Record your conversations without her knowing. Document everytime you buy your daughter something or take her someplace. Trust me, it will benefit you LOTS in court!!! I would start talking to all the good divorce lawyers in the area if I were you. Once you have a consultation with an attorney, they cannot by law represent your wife. It's a wise strategic move on your part. Taking these precautionary steps could save you thousands after divorce. Brace yourself b/c there is a storm up ahead.

[kai]

If she use computer and chat also then I can help u.

U should install some keylogger in ur computer . Keylogger will record all the activities and will send it to your email id

Download a free keylogger from
[url]http://www.actualkeylogger.com/[/url]

I know it sounds techy but it is worth it . If u need any help abt this ask me anytime

[vashti]

Neo's advice only applies if you do not live in a community-property state, and you should also know that recording her conversations without her knowledge/consent is illegal.

[Ellynn]

Yeah, she probably is trying to get you to abandon her so that she doesn't feel so bad about cheating on you.

I hate cheaters! Why not just face up to the problem first, work on it, and if it doesn't work out, get out first. THEN pursue other people..... Just my opinion of how things should work.

[TAVS]

Neo's advice only applies if you do not live in a community-property state, and you should also know that recording her conversations without her knowledge/consent is illegal.

Depends on what state you live in.

[vashti]

Depends on what state you live in.

You are right; I should have said "may be illegal".

[url]http://www.bcsalliance.com/y_debtcoll_recording.html[/url]
Twelve states have made it illegal to record a telephone conversation without all parties' consent: California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington. It is legal to record a conversation in the other 38 states as long as one party to the conversation (you) gives consent.

[NeoSeminole]

Vashti, many states allow you to record a conversation to which you are a party without informing the other parties involved. Out of the 50 states, 12 forbid the recording of private conversations without the consent of all parties. Those states are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington. The law doesn't only pertain to telephone conversations. You can also record a private conversation in your house. Furthermore, messages left on the answering machine are perfectly legal b/c consent is implied.

[URL="http://www.rcfp.org/handbook/c03p01.html"]First Amendment Handbook[/URL]

There are 9 community property states - Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. These states regard as community property all property that has been acquired during the marriage, other than a gift or inheritance. Even if one spouse earns all the money to acquire the property, all the property acquired is considered to be community property. Thus, both spouses equally own all community property. I don't see how this affects property he acquired BEFORE marriage.

[URL="http://family-law.freeadvice.com/divorce_law/1community_property.htm"]Free Advice[/URL]

[vashti]

Depending on the length of marriage, even sole and separate property may be affected in the case of divorce in a community property state, which I happen to know because my husband went through some issues with his ex-wife.

Anyway, I was referring to your bit about keeping track of how much $$ is spent on the kids. In community property states, it doesn't matter. Child support is based solely on the incomes of both parents, not on what they actually spend on the kids. This might be different in other states.

[NeoSeminole]

My suggestion to document everytime he spends money on his daughter or takes her someplace was to increase his chances of winning physical custody of his child (if that's what he wants). It also makes him look more favorable in court, which can only help him, not hurt him.

[vashti]

Again, it wouldn't make a difference in California. My sister's ex-husband tried that in her divorce, and the judge actually was irritated by it. Then again, her dumb ex was looking for a pat on the back for feeding the kids when they were visiting him.

Most judges would expect that whoever has the child at the time is (of course) incurring normal parental expenses, and physical custody (when in dispute) is generally given to the parent who is the best position to meet a child's emotional needs, not their monetary ones. Ideally, this is because child support levels the field so one parent does not have an unfair advantage because they earn more money.

Again, Florida could be a different story.

[NeoSeminole]

I'm not referring to keeping a reciept everytime he takes his daughter to McDonalds. I was suggesting he write checks if his wife decides to take his child during their breakup. In the memo, he can write "clothes for Susie" or something along those lines. That way, when he goes to court she can't call him a liar. He should also take pics of where he takes his daughter, making sure the camera is programmed with the correct date. It doesn't hurt to be prepared just in case.

[Gigabitch]

Mustang67-
it sounds like your marriage is doomed. You may be able to salvage something out of this mess, but it will never be the same.

The medical term for what your wife is doing is "freaking the **** out".

You don't have to go to Crazyville with her. Try to rise above the crap-tide, for your daughter's sake, and just behave like the person you want to be.

[Rosebud]

Oh goodness..

Sorry to hear about this, but I agree with the vast majority on this one. Your wife has moved on, and is now trying to take the easy way out by trying to get you upset at her so you make the first move. No matter what she is doing, you need to prtoect yourself and your daughter! Do you have her or does your wife?

Basically you have to focus on your daughter and yourself right now. Do what's best for both of you. I would protect yourself with what you can.. And find out what the laws are for divorce in your state, in regards to cheating and so on to know what your able to do.

I wish you good luck, and I hope your able to move on from this and work on what you need to instead of trying to rekindle things..only because women normally leave a relationship long before action is ever taken, and that seems to be the case here as well.