Exes Break Up Behavior: Confused

[ladyluck87]

After giving him a second chance, my friend informs me that she saw my ex on a dating website. She sends me the link, and our dinner is abruptly ended with my leaving the restaurant and confronting him about the issue.

We argued and although I just asked him for a break about a week before and he told me absolutely no break and we were going to work through our issues together. So I agreed, but after the other night...he claims that he feels guilty and remorseful for how hurtful he has been to me and all the negative things he did. The next day we went back and forth about what to do and I finally just said its done, no working it out.

We briefly spoke on Tuesday and he said that we were on a break while he figured out why he has been making the decisions that he has been making. He even agreed to changing some things, but I just kinda gave up on the entire idea.

He said Tuesday night we were on a break, but he texted and made contact on both Wednesday and Thursday. He claims that he honestly wants to know how I am doing but I keep ignoring him. If we are moving on, isnt texting and calling the next day as if nothing happened prohibiting the process of moving on?

I am really confused.

[Ann S]

Dear ladyluck87: You should be confused because you are getting mixed messages. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I wounder why you two never discussed marriage counseling? It has helped many but not all.
Also, your ex got caught, didn't he? On a dating website? That would indicate to me that he is not trustworthy. It also sounds like YOU are giving YOUR POWER away by letting him decide if you are on a, "break," (so he can research other women? - "a break" is such a manipulative way to hide the truth) or not. Why don't YOU decide what you want and follow through. Good luck. Ann

[ladyluck87]

Dear ladyluck87: You should be confused because you are getting mixed messages. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I wounder why you two never discussed marriage counseling? It has helped many but not all.
Also, your ex got caught, didn't he? On a dating website? That would indicate to me that he is not trustworthy. It also sounds like YOU are giving YOUR POWER away by letting him decide if you are on a, "break," (so he can research other women? - "a break" is such a manipulative way to hide the truth) or not. Why don't YOU decide what you want and follow through. Good luck. Ann

We did discuss marriage counseling, but for whatever reason never went.

Yes. It is done for me. I've decided to be done.

[Ann S]

Glad that it was YOUR decision. So, what would happen if you didn't accept his calls. Eventually, I bet that would be easier and cleaner for you. Ann

[lalalita]

I don't believe in "breaks". I think people use them as an excuse to do whatever they want for a few weeks and then come back to something comfortable.