Seperation or break up Preperation!

[toto]

I (21) have been with my girlfriend (22) for 2yrs now but lately things have changed for the worst and I’ve been left in bits. Ill set the scene.....being a student, we used to lived apart with other people but for the last three months we got are own flat. She now works but in still studying. Recently I have noticed a change as she seems to be distance and uninterested in me.

She got a new girl friend at work and they started heading out together now. We never head out together as we don’t have the same friends. Her friend 18 is dating but is toying with another guy and it’s the big news at her work. This drives me so crazy cos my g/f encourages her and says....'she just young', to me.
Our relationship has been through a lot and because of this I know we love each other but I feel her friends are rubbing off on her. Living together has been a mistake, things are dull and my time is taken up with exams and saving up money.

I have been down because of this and cos i’ve picked up on her attitude. It came to head when we talked about are problems seeing how down I was. She said she feels tied down and doesn’t know if she wants to be going out anymore, and decided she was moving out to give us some space and that is was better when we lived apart. A week on and thing are a lot better but what lies ahead.....? Should I prepare for a break up or put everything into it. Our 2yr anniversary is next week and was going to get flowers delivered but she mentioned not to buy stuff, as we are broke.

Sorry it’s long but it’s complicated. Anyone been in a similar situation? What should I do?

[MJK]

I would send her flowers, it doesn't cost that much and it show that you still care alot about her.
And about your situation i say expect the worst because if it happen it wont hurt as much

[Anthony]

It sounds like she's simply not interested in the relationship at this point, I'm not sure if there's anything you'll be able to do in order to fix that problem. I agree with the previous poster, though it never hurts to be hopeful.

[toto]

thanks guys, been thinking that myself...."Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't".

Ive read alot the threads and understand what is most likely to happen and that has helped alot. at first I wanted to drop everything and leave uni to go back home. but I know its not the end of the world but it is worth fighting for. Does seperation lead to a break up......?

Things have been better and she calls me more so it seems that it has done us good, but in the back of my mind I think she is preparing me for the break up. To make it worse, we are contracted to the flat for 3 more months.
any other tips on anniversary ideas.

[sfalexi]

I'd say prepare for breakup. All signs point to it. But don't fret. You had two good years. Not like it was a loss of your time.

Rod Steele

[toto]

thanks for the previous reply and i do feel i had two good years and that is a comforting thought, but i still feel it should end.

Just an update, any help welcome.

well its been a while and i still feel down. Nothing has really changed other than Ive finished my exam, but as she has partly moved out, (lives at home 3/4 days), Im left on my own worrying and thinking how to make things better. She means so much and i cant stand the way things are now.
During our time together there was a time when i felt like ending it, but i was socially active and she wasnt to the same degree so i was her world but she was going through a hard time...now the tables have turned.
It was our 2 year anniversary recently and i sent her flowers to her work which went down well but i still feel underpressure to try and keep her! I feel im trying too hard and may seem desperate at times, which i know is a unattractive quality but i have to do something.
What makes everying so bad is that i know that we cant break up untill our lease is up in three months, as its my name on the lease.....or thats what i think she is thinking. Lately at night i cant sleep cos i feel anxious and down and end up reading threads on the forum, about people who have lost there g/f and want to get her back.....not a good idea but it is preparing me for a spilt.

I was wondering if anyone is in a similar situation or anyone can give me advice!!!

[kanzaki]

well, i haven been to such complicated situation, but my bf almost moved out from my house until prevented it

looks like she had found the facinating world outside the box. There are alot of things that she can get adicted to and well, she will/might just go wild. But it will soon rub off, hopefully. (this happen to my older sis)

Her bf sent her flowers once a week t let her know that she still had someone at home waiting for her as she play around outside (please, no offence) Most girl will die for this.

Then again, b prepared. VERY prepared

[toto]

this sounds about right.....there was talk of an open relationship and how she feels too young to settle down although i would be the one she would want to settle down with! this sent alarms going off in my head and has made me more aware of the way she acts. I have been hopeing that she will turn her attentions back to me and things will be as they ware but not yet. Is this healthy, i mean hoping things get.... well bad for her so she needs me again? I know that sounds bad and is shouldnt have to come to that but i miss her so much.

What you said is right, "she had found the facinating world outside the box", and thats how it feels, both metaphorically and with my current living situation, but what do i do? Im begining to feel that a break up is not only inevitable but because of the way i feeling all the time, my best option.

all advice welcome, especially on how to act towards her.....so confused.

[MJK]

I say take your distance for a while
Do not talk to her that much, try to be alot more occupied..
She might think that a open relationship might work because she might think that your ganna wait for her, so if i were you i would go out more often and show her that you can have a good time without her

Anyway Good Luck man
i hope that everything is gonna workout for you

[toto]

Hi folks, just an up date.
I decided to give her the space she wants, and try and back off a bit. So keeping myself busy, got a new job and not answered her calls. Ive realised i've been throwing myself at her emotionally at times and now she knows she has me in her pocket. So time to start being more independent, and more like the person she was attracted to to beging with.

[Jenrick285]

I think you're doing the right thing. The worse you can probably do is seem desperate, I mean it wouldn't be attractive to you if a girl did what nots either. I was actually in the same position where my gf of 6 yrs wanted to move out, date other people. Its a natural thing, they want to know whats out there, to find out what they want from a relationship, from the other person, etc. Not saying you two are like over, but perhaps it could be a good time for you as well to figure out what you want as well.

Oh yeah, as for my ex, it really erked her that I was just able to move on, do more things, broaden your horizons, and be able to date around instead of wallow around in her shadow. Every girl is different, but thats my experience with that situation

Hope it brings some perspective to these hectic times

[toto]

cheeers mate, still giving her time on her own, but begining to think theres no relationship to hold on to. She was out 3 times last week and as much as i trust her, when times are bad who knows, and her mate doesnt help!(see above). Im still broke and working nights all the time, she works days so we hardly ever see each other and when i said this to her she wasnt that bothered, but i am. Its hard to give her space cos alot of my mates are away untill the end of the month so at the moment its just me and her exept she has her mates and im left on my own for now. Talked to my mates and we plan to party soon but in the mean time i want to fix my relationship one way or the other! The worst part is the issue of the lease. We have till late november untill its finished which makes breaking up so difficult. ive decided to go on for a week and see how things are then i HAVE TO do something, thats when my resit results are out!

[toto]

hi folks, bit of a development. Came home last night and the g/f was in but saying very little, so i kept the conversation going then asked her what was wrong. She said "us", so we talked about it. I told her my thoughts and how ive been trying to fix it but it seems that she isn't and how she been different and acting distant, she sort of agreed and said she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. The conversation then turned to what we will do now,(mostly if we break up, what happens). Again the whole sharing a flat thing affects everything.

Anyway, we(I) went to bed feeling it was almost over and if we talked for much longer we might have got to that. But previously we gave us 2 weeks to make things better but she hadn't really tried so although we work opposite shifts we plan to do something together on friday during the day, im on at night!.

Im feeling more at ease with the thought of breaking up, but know its my last choice. The forum has helped get my head straight and expect whats going to happen. And when we talked i knew what i wanted to say and said "i think we should be honest" cos i feel she wants to break up but says everything but that. Do you think she knows and is avoiding it or realy doesnt know?

thats the way things are now but can anyone suggest something for us to do? I dont want to waste this (last)opportunity to see if thing are going to get better!

[Jenrick285]

Sharing the flat makes everything different. Instead of having time to yourself and collecting your thoughts, you look up and .... yeah like that.
Is there anything else to say besides rehashing what you two already talked about?
(Insert random "My guess is")
Breaking up with you must be extremely difficult for her. Part of her wants to see what the world is out there, and part of her still cares for you.
As for what to do, take those extra classes, look for a better paying job, go work out, something that keeps your time a bit more occupied, and yes prepare for the worse and brace, but always talk to her in the ccc way (Calm, cool, collected or Cold, callous, crass)

oh! almost forgot, you never know if this is the last opportunity, perhaps she see whats out there and come to a realization, you are what she wants, but never put weight into that, it's only one path in the future.
Be well

[toto]

Its finally happened....we broke up last night! Although ive seen it coming and your thoughts have helped, it still seems unreal that we could....have broken up.

The last few days have been bad in that no matter what i tried things stayed the same and it was getting to the point where i couldnt cope with the situation and wanted something to happen. The last two nights we talked about things, i said how i was feeling and what i thought and she said she isnt happy, she still loves me but shes young and that she wants to be single....everything but its over.

The next night carried on where we left off. She said she hasnt been trying at the relationship recently, (which really got to me cos ive been stressed out trying to put everything into it), and after, we talked about how it would be if we did break up, i said we should concentrate on will we break up first and deal with that later, and she replied she thinks we should break up.

still very complacated as mentioned before we live in a one bedroom flat. That night we went to bed together, kind of as a couple, knowing in the morning everything changes.

Although i feel that it things have now been put in their place, i still cant beleive its over, it doesnt make any sence. Its like my twin brother saying where not family any more?

..........id appreciate your thoughts.