I feel smothered by my boyfriend, and don't know what to do...

[harmony333]

My best friend of 3 years and I decided to be in a relationship together 3 months ago. Things have been pretty good. The thing is, he talks all the time about wanting to marry me, have kids with me, spend the rest of his life with me, that i mean everything to him and he doesn't know what he would do with me. He also wants to hangout in all his free time and texts me every break while he is working, and tells me he loves me like ten times every day. I'm only 21, and I have always been an independed person who likes my alone time and my freedom. I am also a university student. I don't know what to do because he is my best friend. I am not feeling happy at the moment.
Please, I need some advice.

[smackie9]

Please talk to him about your feelings. Communication is key to making things work in a relationship. You have to think long and hard what you want out of this relationship. If you have no plans to marry and have his kids I suggest you be honest with him and tell him that your priorities are different from his, so it's not going to work out.

[harmony333]

Its not that I have no plans to marry him. I truly love this guy, he treats me like gold and its very supportive of me. Its not that I have no plans of marrying or having kida with him. Its just that I'm totally not ready to be talking about marriage at all. And that is what is making me feel suffocated.

[9eastgal]

Tell him you want to say something important over a quiet dinner---if he's sensitive enough, he'll get it that its serious...Then just talk to him, no other way to get your feelings known if you keep it to yourself... you'll just be miserable and more miserable if he continues to act like how you dont like him to.

Enjoy life not worry about it

[smackie9]

Well it's because he has already been in love with you for 3 years. He's been fantasizing about the moment you were finally his....he's been thinking about these things for years now, that's why he is so ahead of you. Just explain it to him that's it's not rejection, but for you , you are starting at the beginning, that it's only been 2 months, and that it is way too soon to be talking about stuff like that. Tell him you need to do a little catching up for awhile. Like I said just talk to him about it.

[FwedFwintstone]

Better to be upfront now and perhaps explain you are at a different phase in the relationship. Don't give him mixed signals, don't think you can put up with it only to find out later that you can't and you explode and go off in a sulk because your space isn't being met. Perhaps even talk to him explain how much you love him and agree between the two of you that if he's getting a bit too full on, you'll tell him to calm it down a little. Us men aren't mind readers you know.

[HeartIsAching]

Its not that I have no plans to marry him. I truly love this guy, he treats me like gold and its very supportive of me. Its not that I have no plans of marrying or having kida with him. Its just that I'm totally not ready to be talking about marriage at all. And that is what is making me feel suffocated.

Then tell him that. If he can't or won't lay off, you're not compatible.

[FwedFwintstone]

Sometimes we aren't capable of reading the little signals and need you to nudge us back on track from time to time.

Of course, something other people say, is that the first few months of a relationship should be the most exciting where you are all over each other and they say that that is normal and will die down once the honeymoon period is over. I do wonder whether the "honeymoon" period is a phase in every relationship and whether the lack of that phase means something or not. My other concern would be that you don't actually love him, but you love how he makes you feel?

Also if you do have plans of marrying him, why is his talk of marrying you making you feel claustrophobic?

[leilee]

Believe me, for any relationship to survive....total honesty is the foundation. TRUTH. You may phrase what you say to sound softer but still give him your feelings. If he loves you as much as he says he does, he will understand. I promise you this.