Love never returns?

[Karlo]

Firstly, hi all!

I'm sure this happens all the time, people get dumped and end up registering posting here for help/opinions. Well, i'm going to do it anyway...Thanks in advance for any help.

Basically my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We me when we were 17 and we had something special for like 4 years. It just felt so 'right' and although I don't believe in soul mates, I felt we come pretty close.

Around the 4 year mark I started to feel whether it was healthy going straight into a relationship with someone without first finding myself (she was my first everything), and began to get a case of the grass is greener syndrome. I talked to her about this and she was destroyed, I came close to ending it, but couldn't because I still loved her so much and felt she wasn't worth losing for anything. Since then the relationship has slowly decayed. I feel as though i was cursed with the the thought that never experiencing anything outside of each other wasn't healthy and our relationship would eventually end because of that. I started taking her for granted and romance died out. She started going out more without me and I began to get jealous and resentful, not of other guys, I was quite secure and she was sincere and trustworthy, but just cause I wasn't the one out having fun with her. I feel like it was these last months I really started pushing her away, not because I didn't love and care her but because I was resentful.

Fast forward to when she broke up with me, she said she didn't feel like things were the same and felt like she needed to find herself. She was distraught when she did it, probably more so than me. She said she still loves me and believed what we had was special but that we met too young.

I feel as though if I wouldn't have told her how I felt 2 years ago these feelings wouldn't have manifested in her. If I wouldn't have took her for granted and didn't push her away we'd still be together. I thought we were made for each other and completely unbreakable, obviously very foolish of me and likely the demise of many relationships.

Basically if my suspicions are correct and she does still have deep feelings for me is it worth waiting for her on the chance that given a month or two no contact she might come back? I feel as though I destroyed the relationship and if i was to appreciate her in a way that reflected my true feelings we would be together forever. I should also note that for much of the relationship she also felt as though we were meant to be and our future together was almost a given. It was just circumstances (still studying, not yet financially dependent) that stopped me form popping the question.

I don't feel like i'll ever be able to move on, and don't wish to at all.I want to fight for her until the day I die. Maybe i'm foolish to think this, but we were deeply compatible and what we had wasn't all that common. Is it possible that she will come back and we can make it work?

Apolgies for the incessant ramblyness and incoherentness of this post, I probably haven't conveyed the situation all that well, but thanks a lot if you take the time to read this and try to help me understand.

[sadface:0(]

Breaking up is always hard, especially if you love someone as much as you two seemed to have loved eachother. I had something similar happen in my relationship. I got pregnant just 4 months into the relationship... we separated right before our 5 year anniversary and he said he didn't want to work things out with me 3 months after the separation started (we had maintained somewhat of a relationship after it happened and were trying to fix things.) I wish I could say something to you that would eaase your mind completely, but from personal experience, I know that is impossible. If you truly believe that this is the person you should be with, then I suggest you be patient, and give her the space she needs right now. That is important and may show her that you love her enough to let her find herself. However, don't stay at home waiting for her. It's best to keep yourself busy with friends and various activities. Meet new people, do everything that makes you happy, and just have faith in your girl. If you maintain contact, then just be a friend. It may be hard to talk to her, being that things are difficult to understand right now, but it's the best thing. That's the best advice I can give to you. I'm sorry you're going through this...

[Mathias]

The idea of no contact isn't so she'll come back to you. The idea is that you'll get over her better.

You're going to have to approach this as a clean break. If you are hoping she comes back, you're going to be disappointed, and it's going to be worse.

[searock]

Does she know that you are still in love with her and that you want to get back together?

[Saya]

I think that if you really do still love her and want to be with her then, you should contact her and tell her how you really feel. I think that by not contacting her, she may probably think that you are not interested in her anymore and have moved on.

Although, she may not trust you fully because while you two were in the relationship, you've mentioned to her that your starting to get grass is greener syndrome... She probably feel scared to be with you because who knows you could meet someone so perfect and end up leaving her...
So if she has this doubt then, getting back together and have another go with the relationship might not work.

When you two met each other and went into the relationship, time was wrong.... if you two have met few years later then it would of been perfect since you'll have a career and financially secure.
So getting back together might end up having same issue... since your not financially secure right now so the relationship can't move forward.

[smackie9]

The longer you wait the less you will miss her. Things end for a reason.....and yes some of the things you talked about are someof those reasons. If you didn't talk to her about it then, you would still feel like that, and would find yourself regretting you didn't. Either way, there is regret. Being too young is true, for things are different as adults, more freedom, responsablities, and you grow out of each other. Tho the love was strong, it wasn't stron enough for you too wonder what you are missing. It is best to carry on, and experience life, especially before marriage. You will find a love of your life again. You just have to give yourself a chance to move forward, and to leave the past behind.

[Journey2Virtue]

I think you should give it a few weeks maybe a month. Then the ball is in her court. It sucks to have feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same. If she wants to try again, then she will. If not, then pining over her and "fighting" for her will only make her want to get away from you & make her think breaking up was the best idea. When you do talk to her make it clear that you want her to be straight dorward and direct with you. Not to sugar coat things & not to give you false hope because your feelings are very real. If she says she doesn't know how she feeels and give her space & time. Do that. If there's a chance for you guys then, you'll work it out sooner or later.
But if its one of those.....maybe somewhere down the line we can try again things....well somewhere down the line can be years from now, so you should try your best to move on. Definitely take the time to grieve and don't bottle up your emotions. But do move on

[Karlo]

Hey, thanks for all the replies!

Sadface, Basically i told her everything when she broke up with, told her how I felt and everything I said on here, but since then i've maintained no contact. She was really upset when I said I couldn't be her friend, at least until I got over her..it's been tough, but definitely easier than staying in touch i'd imagine. I've tired my best to be sociable, been out a few times, still not interested in other girls yet even though everyone tells me it's the best way to heal...

Mathias, yeah I understand that part too. I wish I did want to get over her if she is over me, ironically though, like I say, really not interested in anyone else yet. Obviously a month isn't long enough.

searock, yeah, when she broke I told her how I felt, but really restrained from pestering her since.

Saya, I believe she knows how I feel, no contact seems to be easier on me and at least i'm not pushing her away. I'll contact her christmas, nothing too dramatic, just try and open a bit of dialogue again. Yeah the career thing is a bit of an issue, she's settled in a job and i've still got 1 possibly 2 years of education to go. It's not like i've got no future or anything though..but like you say ,maybe it was a big issue for her.

smackie, yeah the longer we're apart the more of what you say seems like the harsh reality. It still seems like a bad dream. Although the pain is no longer crippling, every morning is a sad one and pangs of missing her are like punches to the gut. Amazing how many little things remind you of the good times. I had a drink of pure orange the other day and got a pang! I only ever really drink orange when abroad on holiday (which has been with her the past 6 years) and somehow my brain made that connection subconsciously lol!

Journey, I think i've handled it as best as possible tbh with you. I've grieved, talked with friends and family, been more sociable, not contacted her. Consciously i'm doing everything I can, but It's still going to take some time....Then there's that little devil on my shoulder telling me not to move on and that deep down she HAS to want you back. Something which she said is really ringing in my head too is that she said she wants more than anything for us to work and be happy. I've got a funny feeling the only way i'll be able to fully move on is if I know she has.

Again, thanks for the replies If complete strangers can be so helpful and sympathetic maybe there really are other amazing fish in the sea.