husband's list of sexual partners

[epicenter]

I could use an outside perspective. A couple of days ago while emptying trash cans in our house I came across a sheet of paper that contained a list in my husband's handwriting. On the list were the four cities he's lived in during his life, along with a bunch of other states. After each state was a single number (mostly 1's and 2's), and after each city was a series of initials followed by a total number. I was intrigued by the initials, and after studying the list for a few minutes, I developed a theory--that it was a list of my husband's sexual partners. I counted 30 initials on the list.

We have been married for 16 years. My husband insists he has always been faithful to me, and I have no reason to believe he hasn't been faithful to me--aside from the fact that I knew he'd had quite a few sexual partners before we were married. That worried me early in our relationship, because I wondered if it was possible to change one's pattern of behavior when it came to sexual partners.

I decided it would be better to ask him about the list rather than worry about it, so that evening I explained to him how I happened to come across the list and I showed it to him, asking him (in a neutral, non-confrontational way) what it represented. After a few silent moments, he said, "It's all of the women I've made love to." I asked him why he happened to create the list, and he said that during a recent business trip out of town, he had a dream and woke up thinking about all of the women he'd "made love to," and he decided to list them. I asked him when the sexual relationships had occurred, and he said they'd all been before our marriage. My initials were on the list, in the last group of initials.

I told my husband I was feeling a bit unsettled and confused by the list. I wondered why he was reminiscing about past sexual encounters and why he happened to develop the list now. He became angry, saying that if I trusted him I would know the list was meaningless and would just move on. He felt that my questions and concerns indicated I didn't trust him.

I love my husband and I think we have a good marriage. What do you think? Should I just forget about the whole thing?

[Gribble]

Leave him alone and stop rooting through the trash looking for problems that aren't there.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah leave him alone, that's nothing to be worried about. It's the male equivalent at looking at old love letters. It's a reminiscing thing.

[eonbar]

i agree, everything will be fine.
im not married but i've made lists whilst in perfectly committed relationships just outa curiosities sake. i really think that it means nothing.

[Ariadne]

Er... I'd be more concerned about his anger in response to your questions than the list itself.

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't give a toss about the fact he'd had past sexual partners....who hasn't?

What would concern me, is why the heck he's presently feeling a need to scrawl down the initials of all his past sexual partners?

Does he work, have hobbies, etc?