"Hi, Sorry for such a long post and for my English but I have a couple of questions and would appreciate your advice very much.
A month and a half ago I started dating a guy I've met through a girl we both know, he's 34 and I'm 28.
He's a pretty good looking, well spoken, polite and caring guy, very gentle, calls me regularly, brings me flowers and offers to drive me or pick me up whenever I go to town or to see my friends. He says he likes me as a person and speaks of us in a future tense.
So far, we've met most evenings at his place but waited with the sex part until last week. The first time we got undressed and serious he got turned on immediately, but got soft soon after while we were still kissing. After that, we tried having sex on four different occasions and the same thing happened every time, one night three times in a row. He gets excited while we're kissing and cuddling, but goes soft as soon as we try to have actual sex. I'm getting the impression he just likes to hold hands, kiss and sleep together but doesn't want to have penetrative or oral sex at all. I tried talking to him but he doesn't want to discus it yet. At first I thought that the problem must be his performance anxiety (he's penis is on the smaller side), or my previous sexual experience (I had several long term relationships). But as it continues to happen every time, I'm staring to think that maybe he's not attracted to me that much. I had an older boyfriend before, but he never had any erectile problems, so I don't think his age is the issue here.
Also, I don't know how to make us spend more quality time together and make it interesting for both. He doesn't want to go out with me, alone or with friends, as he's been short on the money lately. Every night he invites me to his place but when we're there there aren't a lot of things he likes doing: he's not interested in watching any movies or TV, doesn't like any music (at least he says so), is quiet for the most part and only thing he somewhat fancies talking about is his car, or cars in general. He likes to hold me sit quietly or sleep like that for hours, or until morning and I think we're both comfortable that way. I tried suggesting we have a meal/cook together but he declined every time as he doesn't like most foods (doesn't eat any fruits, vegetables or fish at all as he's afraid of choking). Also, he has a place of his own but goes to his parents' house every day for dinner and lunch so he can eat what he likes and also save money. When we're at my place (rarely) he's also afraid to take any beverages as then he has to pee and he can pee only in his own toilet. So if I make a drink he soon leaves in a hurry. At first he told me he owned a transport company but I found out it's not really his, it's his father's and his father also does the most of the work. I asked him what he does while he's working and he said a couple of days in the week he drives and other days he goes to work to show up, sleep (the company is located in his house), to have lunch and to go for a coffee with his girlfriends. I also thought his sexual performance and refusal to open up might be because of money problems but he says he doesn't know how to solve them. I offered to place some transport adds over internet but he doesn't want to find more work.
Also, at first he told me he had one long term relationship that lasted for six years but lately he's been telling me they weren't really together as this girl would contact him one month and disappear/didn't get in touch the next one etc. He told me he had casual sex with girls on two more occasions but didn't get any erection problems then. He hangs out with mostly female friends and also visits one of his girlfriend's mother every day. Today he went to see her (she lives alone) and has been at her place for three hours and just sent me a message he'll stay there for a couple of hours more. I think I'm starting to get jealous of her and in my mind it's ridiculous. I ask him what he thinks of me, am I pretty and funny to him etc. and often he doesn't reply, the only thing he says he's interested in is getting married and having someone to take care of him. I like his gentle and honest side and don't want to ditch him when there might be a way to work these things around, but I'm starting to loose my patience and doubt what I'm getting myself into. Our time together is starting to bore me. I don't know what to do or what to suggest any more, maybe I should stop seeing him on evenings and "force" him to engage in different activities during the day? Is it normal for adult men to behave like this or was I just lucky with men before? Is he depressed? It seams as I get to know him better, I'm starting to dislike him more. I have a place of my own, have a job and my own money. I think I'm rather pretty, not ideal but enjoy a lot of different things, friends and activities. I too am close to my parents, but see them only on holidays, though we talk regularly on the phone and support each other.
Is this connection/relationship he has with his parents normal or not? How can I get him to open up more and overcome his problems? Please, any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!"