Rather long but please give you oppinion

[lovelykay]

"Hi, Sorry for such a long post and for my English but I have a couple of questions and would appreciate your advice very much.
A month and a half ago I started dating a guy I've met through a girl we both know, he's 34 and I'm 28.
He's a pretty good looking, well spoken, polite and caring guy, very gentle, calls me regularly, brings me flowers and offers to drive me or pick me up whenever I go to town or to see my friends. He says he likes me as a person and speaks of us in a future tense.
So far, we've met most evenings at his place but waited with the sex part until last week. The first time we got undressed and serious he got turned on immediately, but got soft soon after while we were still kissing. After that, we tried having sex on four different occasions and the same thing happened every time, one night three times in a row. He gets excited while we're kissing and cuddling, but goes soft as soon as we try to have actual sex. I'm getting the impression he just likes to hold hands, kiss and sleep together but doesn't want to have penetrative or oral sex at all. I tried talking to him but he doesn't want to discus it yet. At first I thought that the problem must be his performance anxiety (he's penis is on the smaller side), or my previous sexual experience (I had several long term relationships). But as it continues to happen every time, I'm staring to think that maybe he's not attracted to me that much. I had an older boyfriend before, but he never had any erectile problems, so I don't think his age is the issue here.

Also, I don't know how to make us spend more quality time together and make it interesting for both. He doesn't want to go out with me, alone or with friends, as he's been short on the money lately. Every night he invites me to his place but when we're there there aren't a lot of things he likes doing: he's not interested in watching any movies or TV, doesn't like any music (at least he says so), is quiet for the most part and only thing he somewhat fancies talking about is his car, or cars in general. He likes to hold me sit quietly or sleep like that for hours, or until morning and I think we're both comfortable that way. I tried suggesting we have a meal/cook together but he declined every time as he doesn't like most foods (doesn't eat any fruits, vegetables or fish at all as he's afraid of choking). Also, he has a place of his own but goes to his parents' house every day for dinner and lunch so he can eat what he likes and also save money. When we're at my place (rarely) he's also afraid to take any beverages as then he has to pee and he can pee only in his own toilet. So if I make a drink he soon leaves in a hurry. At first he told me he owned a transport company but I found out it's not really his, it's his father's and his father also does the most of the work. I asked him what he does while he's working and he said a couple of days in the week he drives and other days he goes to work to show up, sleep (the company is located in his house), to have lunch and to go for a coffee with his girlfriends. I also thought his sexual performance and refusal to open up might be because of money problems but he says he doesn't know how to solve them. I offered to place some transport adds over internet but he doesn't want to find more work.

Also, at first he told me he had one long term relationship that lasted for six years but lately he's been telling me they weren't really together as this girl would contact him one month and disappear/didn't get in touch the next one etc. He told me he had casual sex with girls on two more occasions but didn't get any erection problems then. He hangs out with mostly female friends and also visits one of his girlfriend's mother every day. Today he went to see her (she lives alone) and has been at her place for three hours and just sent me a message he'll stay there for a couple of hours more. I think I'm starting to get jealous of her and in my mind it's ridiculous. I ask him what he thinks of me, am I pretty and funny to him etc. and often he doesn't reply, the only thing he says he's interested in is getting married and having someone to take care of him. I like his gentle and honest side and don't want to ditch him when there might be a way to work these things around, but I'm starting to loose my patience and doubt what I'm getting myself into. Our time together is starting to bore me. I don't know what to do or what to suggest any more, maybe I should stop seeing him on evenings and "force" him to engage in different activities during the day? Is it normal for adult men to behave like this or was I just lucky with men before? Is he depressed? It seams as I get to know him better, I'm starting to dislike him more. I have a place of my own, have a job and my own money. I think I'm rather pretty, not ideal but enjoy a lot of different things, friends and activities. I too am close to my parents, but see them only on holidays, though we talk regularly on the phone and support each other.

Is this connection/relationship he has with his parents normal or not? How can I get him to open up more and overcome his problems? Please, any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!"

[Mish]

I tried suggesting we have a meal/cook together but he declined every time as he doesn't like most foods (doesn't eat any fruits, vegetables or fish at all as he's afraid of choking). When we're at my place (rarely) he's also afraid to take any beverages as then he has to pee and he can pee only in his own toilet.

LOL

Sorry, but that's hilarious! Why does he need to pee only in his own toilet? Is he OCD?

Well, the way you described him he certainly sounds very boring (and a little bit weird). I don't think there's anything wrong with disliking someone like that. I don't think there's much you can do to change him. The best thing is probably have an open talk and reveal your (justified) resentment of his behavior. I wouldn't bet that there will be big changes coming from his end. In the end you will probably have to leave him.

[carl1222]

Mishanya ... that DOES sound like an episode of Monk if you've seen that series. Hell, if I have to pee .. I'll pee in my toilet, your toilet, the toilet at Wal-Mart, on a tree in the woods!

Kay ... he has serious sexual problems, serious honesty problems, serious commitment problems and serious psychological problems.

Only YOU can decide if he's worth the effort!

Carl.

[Bo]

i've never met nor heard of anyone like him.... 0_o...
it sounds like you two aren't compatible by any standard...and getting him to change all the things u listed?....not gonna happen...move on

[IndiReloaded]

It seams as I get to know him better, I'm starting to dislike him more. I have a place of my own, have a job and my own money. I think I'm rather pretty, not ideal but enjoy a lot of different things, friends and activities. I too am close to my parents, but see them only on holidays, though we talk regularly on the phone and support each other.

Of course you are disliking him more. You have standards and he's not meeting them. Perfectly okay to decide to move on to someone more compatible. Breaking up with him might be the kick in the ass he needs to pull his socks up. Think of it as a humanitarian service to his next GF.

[lovelykay]

Thank you guys for reading such a long post and replying, you really made me feel better about the whole thing. I know different people have different habits but I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks these are weirder than most. I saw him only shortly yesterday with a couple of his friends, didn't wanna sleep over as I was really confused. During the night I woke up a couple of times and missed him, but I also feel the need to think about what I want from my relationships. Today I think I'm starting to cool off, but he still has the honesty and care things going on for him. He didn't have to tell me about his habits but he did, and I don't wanna hurt him over it. Now, one of his girlfriends boyfriend invited us for dinner this Wednesday. The problem is this guy is making it a fish dinner (Christmas Eve) and now my boyfriend is trying to persuade him to make it a meat dish. The guy said he's making it because my boyfriend said he liked it when he made it once before, so I guess he might have honesty issues after all and not only with me. But I can understand he said it just to be polite to this guy. I don't know, I'm confused, and am I'm considering weather to go there or go see my parents only, but I think it's best to go to both and compare how I feel with and without him. Also I'm starting to think he's trying to make himself more interesting by not eating and having such wild habits, so I'll try not to pay any attention to it while we're together. I don't want to break up cause of silly reasons but I guess you're right, after a while I'll probably have to and will want to. I'll leave the whole thing to resolve after the holidays and keep you posted.