It is you who makes me feel so bad. It is you that makes me cry, to feel depressed, to feel like I will never be happy or pleased again. It is you who's hunting my dreams at night and my thoughts during the day. You are always there, control my wished, control my doing, control my hear and mind. It is you who penetrate me so deeply until I'm lost inside. It is the thought of you and our lives together that prevent me from concentrating and believing that I can move on.
It is you, well, and maybe it's just me. I made of myself for being this reckless, for wanting to play without realizing how I'll probably get burn. It was me that wanted you first, and it was me who felt so pleased when I succeeded. It was me who enjoyed you touch, you presence even when I knew that it will end. It was me who became that dependent for the one guy who made me feel good and alive.
It was me that idealized our relationship for much more than they actually were. Who ignored what I felt bothered from, all those time you treated me bad. It was me that was in-love like a 14 years-old, even that I am now a decade older.
I wanted this so much, and I felt so good inside of it - even when I felt bad. I forgot every hurting thing, every insulating work a second after you said it. I told myself that I will leave soon anyway, so I might as well enjoyed everything in the meantime. I lived in a dream, a dream where a girl meets a boy, far away from home, far away from any restrains. Like in every fairy tale this girl loved the boy, but the difference was that the boy weren't.
I don't know what you really felt, what you've really thought. You always so smart and rational that I bet you'll never let yourself sink so deeply as I did. I waited for my plain and you turned away. You have probably already moved on.
Dear, I am still here. Hurting for you. Missing you. Dreaming that one day I will have my happy ending, so far, I can only see you there. It is you that inside my head and heart and I can't let you go.