only from penetration? This seems backwards

[MarcoPolo7]

(I know this is long but please read)
Somewhere, I think more than once, I have read things from sexperts (seemingly of the feminist sort if I recall correctly) that call into question the whole idea of orgasm from penetration.
The idea got in my head from reading this stuff that women really only get there from stimulation of the clitoris (oral sex etc.). I vaguely recall even seeing the phrase "myth of the vaginal orgasm".
Other times I hear that some women can ALSO get there by penetration alone. (but they can of course also get there more easily by clitoral stimulation)

Fine. I like oral sex and I like the idea of clitoral stimulation.

However,... I can't get my wife to respond to oral sex or any other kind of clitoral stimulation. She claims she can't do it herself even and that the sensitive bits are inside and the clitoris isn't that sensitive for her!

Repeat, she can't orgasm by clitoral stimulation --period. There usually isn't even an outward sign that it feels good at all (before you jump to conclusions, I have been with plenty of women, and I have been with this wife 15+ years).

BUT,...... she comes from penetration 95% of the time (but usually only in a certain position -- from behind).

Now, I have been with a lot of women and I don't think it is a problem with my methods (oral worked fine with my ex-wife and previous girlfriends). She also doesn't seem to want to use her own hands.

Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style for the big O. Works essentially everytime the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises although some seem a bit more intense than others (on those occasions she turns her head to look at me with a sort of surprised look and shouts out words she wouldn't usually)

Every now and then I really wonder about this. Is it normal? Does it mean she is missing something? How could those sexologists be so wrong?
From those things I once read, I should even wonder about whether she was even achieving orgasm at all ---except that it just is pretty clear that she is cuming and if I ask about it she is really annoyed at me and explains that this is just the way it works for her and my worrying about what is normal is just a turn off. Mentioning sex psychology or surveys pisses her off especially. Suggesting that maybe she isn't getting a full orgasm makes her so pissed of, turned off and disappointed that she talks divorce even.

Well, so I will ask if this is really so uncommon and also what's up with those sexologists that seem to be implying that my wife can't really be having orgasm from penetration only and NEVER clitoral.
I can hear them say that yes sometimes -rarely-penetration alone seems to work (via indirect stimulation of the clitoris) but that the very idea that only penetration (and not oral) works is "impossible" and may mean my wife is a liar, faker, or brainwashed by male-centered expectations or unaware of a real orgasm (but I wish they could be there or better yet talk to her).

Is my wife really different or unique?

Of course, this makes me feel weird, and even occasionally makes me wonder if she is coming at all even though there is all sorts of signs that she is. And anyway, why only fake it in one position and on the very rare occasions that she doesn't orgasm why even admit it? Instead she honestly tells me it didn't quite happen.
She lets me try with the oral all I want --why not just fake it then to please me? No, I don't think it is fake.

I have heard of women that can only cum from oral or other direct clitoral stimulation and wome who can orgasm from both penetration and oral (like me ex-wife) but never a woman that can do it by penetration but not clitoral stimulation.

Its somehow confusing and bugs me for some reason even after 15+ years of marriage.
Don't bother suggesting therapy--it will never happen-period

[HeartIsAching]

It takes all kinds...

I know a woman who's been after me since we were involved as teenagers that never masturbates... yet claims that she always had orgasms from manual penetration (we never had intercourse) by me. This is a woman that I've not been involved with for nearly 30 years and has no conceivable reason to lie to me.

Basically it boils down to trust. If you trust your wife to tell you the truth, then I'd say just go with it. If it takes flipping her over and having sex with her in that position, then do it.

Totally inappropriate joke follows:

Do you know what "Rodeo Sex" is?

That's where you mount her doggy-style...
Get a good hold of her hips...
Lean over and call her by someone else's name

And see if you can hang on for 8 seconds!

[smackie9]

There are women who can't enjoy masturbation in the normal sense but can do it by rubbing on a pillow or the arm of a sofa. Anyways there are about 3 or 4 place in the vagina that can respond to penetration. So wherever you hit in her vagina doggy style is where the g spot is for her. All women are not the same! Some women don't feel anything around their nipples, while some can reach orgasm by the slightest nibble. There are even women out there that have never had an orgasm because they don't have the nerve endings or the signal isn't getting to the brain....this happens to some men too.

So what I want to know is what the issue here? If this is something that makes you feel that inadequate, why did you even bother to marry her then? obviously this is sexual incompatibility we are talking about am I right? How about trust issues?

[smackie9]

Try sex toys?

[smackie9]

OK now I remember you from your other post. Man there some issues going on there. Sounds to me she's not getting what she needs from you, so she is thinking of looking for extra curricular activities outside your marriage to get some satisfaction.

[MarcoPolo7]

OK now I remember you from your other post. Man there some issues going on there. Sounds to me she's not getting what she needs from you, so she is thinking of looking for extra curricular activities outside your marriage to get some satisfaction.

Good guess but this is just not true. One thing I know for sure is that she isn't looking for extra curricular activities.
She is satisfied. I am not.

She has had 20 years to get some extra curricular thng going and plenty of chances. There are no children involved and she can support herself so she could have divorced me too anytime.

The issue are different. They are almost certainly in my head. I am obsessing about unknowns. She says she is satisfied and is pissed that I can't leave well enough alone.

[MarcoPolo7]

seriously? You don't get it do you. She has orgasms and is satisfied. At least that is her reality.
She doesn't like anything but kissing, hugging and penetration. She doesn't stop me from doing other things. She just doesn't like the other stuff with me or any past lover.

[smackie9]

I dunno after that deal at the pool. She just might be lookin to jump ship sometime down the road when she finally has the nerve......maybe one more time at the pool will lay a spark in her. Maybe she is a closet lesbian.....maybe that's why she isn't really interested in anything more than vanilla with men.......savin it up for the ladies.

[MarcoPolo7]

you must be projecting. I don't feel inadequate. How could I? she get an orgasm almost every time. I am uncomfortable with her not being typical physiologically because I obsess about unknowns or for reasons i don't understand but I haven't got a rational reason to feel inadequate.

[smackie9]

That's where men and women are different. To guys sex is like pizza....it can be cold and crappy but it's still ok. For women it's not about getting an orgasm, it's about who with and how they get there, that can make all the difference. She is suppressing it there is no doubt. It's just you are not the one she's wants to do it with.

[AdminOnline]

impossible..

woman have g-spot which is very sensitive to touch..

did you simulate the wrong area or haven't found her real g-spot??

[searock]

Well the g-spot is *inside* the vagina, so it is reachable only by penetration. Some women can't orgasm by penetration alone, they need clitoral stimulation as well. And some women can only orgasm via clitoral stimulation. But it's not the same for everyone, some women (like the OP's wife) can clearly orgasm via penetration alone. Unless she is like a great porn actress or something.

OP, I don't get why you would be feeling inadequate. She has orgasms and is satisfied, so stop bothering her by making her feel like *she* is the weird one! Every woman is different.

[MarcoPolo7]

Well the g-spot is *inside* the vagina, so it is reachable only by penetration. Some women can't orgasm by penetration alone, they need clitoral stimulation as well. And some women can only orgasm via clitoral stimulation. But it's not the same for everyone, some women (like the OP's wife) can clearly orgasm via penetration alone. Unless she is like a great porn actress or something.

OP, I don't get why you would be feeling inadequate. She has orgasms and is satisfied, so stop bothering her by making her feel like *she* is the weird one! Every woman is different.

Yes but what about women that can ONLY orgasm by penetration but never by clitoral stimulation (not by her self, not with a toy, not with her ex, not with me, no way no how).

Orgasm by penetration =99% of the time with both me and all her ex-boyfriends and ex-husband
Orgasm by something clitoral = never has in her whole life

Again

Penetration always works
Oral, digital never.

Now does this seem odd or not. Is anyone else like this?

[searock]

I forgot to write "only", here is what I meant:

But it's not the same for everyone, some women (like the OP's wife) can clearly orgasm ONLY via penetration alone.

Who cares if other people aren't like your wife?!?!? Just be glad that she is satisfied and stop making her feel like she is strange!!

[smackie9]

Stop bugging us!!! If it's such a god damn problem for you go ask a doctor/sex doctor. Obviously our opinions are falling on deaf ears my god.