(I know this is long but please read)
Somewhere, I think more than once, I have read things from sexperts (seemingly of the feminist sort if I recall correctly) that call into question the whole idea of orgasm from penetration.
The idea got in my head from reading this stuff that women really only get there from stimulation of the clitoris (oral sex etc.). I vaguely recall even seeing the phrase "myth of the vaginal orgasm".
Other times I hear that some women can ALSO get there by penetration alone. (but they can of course also get there more easily by clitoral stimulation)
Fine. I like oral sex and I like the idea of clitoral stimulation.
However,... I can't get my wife to respond to oral sex or any other kind of clitoral stimulation. She claims she can't do it herself even and that the sensitive bits are inside and the clitoris isn't that sensitive for her!
Repeat, she can't orgasm by clitoral stimulation --period. There usually isn't even an outward sign that it feels good at all (before you jump to conclusions, I have been with plenty of women, and I have been with this wife 15+ years).
BUT,...... she comes from penetration 95% of the time (but usually only in a certain position -- from behind).
Now, I have been with a lot of women and I don't think it is a problem with my methods (oral worked fine with my ex-wife and previous girlfriends). She also doesn't seem to want to use her own hands.
Basically, she just wants penetration and it pretty much has to be doggy style for the big O. Works essentially everytime the same way, same duration and with roughly the same reaction and noises although some seem a bit more intense than others (on those occasions she turns her head to look at me with a sort of surprised look and shouts out words she wouldn't usually)
Every now and then I really wonder about this. Is it normal? Does it mean she is missing something? How could those sexologists be so wrong?
From those things I once read, I should even wonder about whether she was even achieving orgasm at all ---except that it just is pretty clear that she is cuming and if I ask about it she is really annoyed at me and explains that this is just the way it works for her and my worrying about what is normal is just a turn off. Mentioning sex psychology or surveys pisses her off especially. Suggesting that maybe she isn't getting a full orgasm makes her so pissed of, turned off and disappointed that she talks divorce even.
Well, so I will ask if this is really so uncommon and also what's up with those sexologists that seem to be implying that my wife can't really be having orgasm from penetration only and NEVER clitoral.
I can hear them say that yes sometimes -rarely-penetration alone seems to work (via indirect stimulation of the clitoris) but that the very idea that only penetration (and not oral) works is "impossible" and may mean my wife is a liar, faker, or brainwashed by male-centered expectations or unaware of a real orgasm (but I wish they could be there or better yet talk to her).
Is my wife really different or unique?
Of course, this makes me feel weird, and even occasionally makes me wonder if she is coming at all even though there is all sorts of signs that she is. And anyway, why only fake it in one position and on the very rare occasions that she doesn't orgasm why even admit it? Instead she honestly tells me it didn't quite happen.
She lets me try with the oral all I want --why not just fake it then to please me? No, I don't think it is fake.
I have heard of women that can only cum from oral or other direct clitoral stimulation and wome who can orgasm from both penetration and oral (like me ex-wife) but never a woman that can do it by penetration but not clitoral stimulation.
Its somehow confusing and bugs me for some reason even after 15+ years of marriage.
Don't bother suggesting therapy--it will never happen-period