Selfish People

[Kaleidoscope114]

I've got a little problem. Let me give a little background. I'm soon to be 27. My bf is a year younger than me. We dated the first time just shy of a year. At the end of that time (I would say about 2-3 months at the end) he became really cold and selfish. I finally confronted him about it which led to our break up. He stated he wasn't sure a relationship is what he wants in life bc he knows he's selfish and doesn't ever want to do anything he doesn't want to do. We broke up for about 6 weeks. I never once called him or texted. He called me like every 2 weeks at least just to say "hi". I would always keep the convos short telling him I don't want to be friends with him. Eventually he came crawling back saying how it was the biggest mistake of his life. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Things are then fantastic for the first 3 weeks and then one day it was like the light switch just flipped off. I can almost pin point the exact time it happened too. Funny thing is there wasn't anything bad that happened to set him off. We had just spent the day together, saw a movie and went to dinner. But at dinner his whole demeaner had changed. He's stopped being affectionate and sweet like he had been and the relationship is back to being all about him. My question is what causes people to switch like that? How do people lose that loving feeling in such a short period of time?

[eonbar]

My question is what causes people to switch like that? How do people lose that loving feeling in such a short period of time?

im not really sure tbh with you. your situation does sound kinda peculiar. it seems like he's just not ready for a relationship, and i think that if you can look ahead you'll see that if this continues it just won't work for you so you should look at moving on? relationships are about compromise and sharing etc, so selfishness really shouldn't be apart of it....

i know how weird it is for someone to suddenly change. i dont think anyone knows and its just one of those unfortunate things. if you ever find out thou, let me know

[xxazurexx]

Probably because they don't really love you.

[Confused81]

Probably because you can only pretend to be someone your not for so long before your true colours shine through.

I don't think people just suddenly "change" I think what they are doing is suddenly being themselves.

[dan2k7]

I experienced a similar thing with my ex partner recently which ultimately cost us the relationship. Unfortunately I was the one who changed and I certainly don't put it down to not loving her or my true colours shining through. For me it was because I was far too busy with university to really make a good effort with her. I still loved her dearly I just didn't show it enough. When I realised how serious things had gotten it was already far too late, I know she is gone and I can only make up for it with the next girl I meet. To be honest he won't change with you, he will never sustain the level of affection you want.