um.. hi
I never liked forums (in general) much in the past, they always just confuse me. But if I had known there was one called loveforum, I think I'd have joined a while ago. So, i'm a total forum newbie. didn't even find the post button for a while, that's how new.
I really need some advice... I'm kind of a loner and don't have many close friends who I can ask, or who I could use as frames of reference for what is considered normal in my situation...
Is it naive of me to expect my long distance (LONG distance; 7 hour, 700€ flights) boyfriend (16 months) to be completely exclusive to me? I'm a 19 year old virgin, he's 3 years older and more experienced.
The first time he brought up the topic of having a more 'casual' relationship, I cried so much that he just backed down on it.. but the issue has reared its head again, and I feel like we really have to kill it good this time.
One part of me says "hey, i'm an all-or-nothing gal, and if some jerk can't give that to me, he doesn't deserve me in the first place!", and another part of me says "he's just a little commitment-phobic, give him some space and if he really loves me, he'll always come back to me"..
I respect that he's being honest about he wants; It would be so much worse if he just ignored his own wishes.. eventually that could lead to him building a resentment to me and jeopardise our friendship. But even if I tell him that we can have more of an open relationship, even if my _mind_ fully understands that he needs this, that it's better for the long run, that I might benefit from it myself, etc, it's still going to hurt my _heart_ like hell if he really.. dates somebody else in a romantic way.
He also feels that since i will be going to college for the next four years, I'm going to want some freedom myself to have those 'college experiences'.. but I really don't want to. I am totally smitten with him, and all my male friends in college are made aware of the fact that I'm not on the market.
I already told him that there is no way I am loosing my virginity in a non exclusive relationship. I know I'd regret it. But then again, the poor guy hasn't been laid since I met him, wont he just get really frustrated and become more likely to sleep with someone else if I don't? I don't know what to do. So many people I know or know of now regret the way it happened and I'm so determined not to be one of them.
wow, that got longer than I thought it would. If this is the wrong place to put this, please direct me to the right place and i'll repost it there.
Thank you,
-tiay