How can one win an ex back? (girl opinion wanted)

[bcanded6244@rhy]

I posted once earlier but forgot my username...to catch everyone up:

-3yr gf
-we started arguign around 2nd year, she left in august 2013
-was instantly agressive, started dating new guy within 2 weeks
-all the basic mistakes (beg, plead, cry, show up in a suit n tie with flowers, etc)
-she went full angry

it's been an uphill battle ever since, over and over I seemed to shoot myself in the foot, finally started trying to do things better (joined various forums, read countless ebooks, even got "coaching" from this site zoomonkey.com [yes i know that was stupid of me, but honestly in the long run I think its worked wonders]

at the beginning i was screwed, she wouldnt talk to me, literally saying she hates me and wants to never see me or think about me again, and everything i did just seemed to piss her off more.


NOW, we are in an odd place. she has shown obvious signs of wanting to associate (finding stupid excuses to get in contact etc, and recently i sent her a stray txt message to test the waters and surprisingly shes responding civily, though very light and distant)


thats where the issue comes in. I've gone from her hating my guts to having light, civil conversation, and i honestly think its due to all the feedback and suggestions ive received in the last months, and I don't want to waste the progress. How woudl one handle a girl like this? how much/little do i talk to her and what topics? How do i try to rebuild a bit of a connection with such light talk?

[basilandthyme]

I think a lot depends on how her current relationship is going. If she's happy with him, you've got a snowflake's chance in hell. But if she's single or miserable, there may be *little* more hope.

If you do get her back, all this effort will be wasted if what went wrong in the relationship hasn't been fixed. What have you done to change yourself so that these fights won't happen? Of course, if you want to have her back, you must accept her for who she is and change yourself to be the man she needs you to be. You can't ask someone to come back and then ask them to compromise.

And of course, seeing someone else after you will have given her more life experience and therefore changed her.....don't expect her to be exactly the same girl you dated earlier.

[hatesthis]

Giving her space, not being too clingy, always calling, texting, showing up etcs. You don't want to entirely wear out your welcome with her so there is no love left for you because you bothered her way too much. Respecting is good shows you care. Actions always mean more than words too.

[4 ratties]

I wouldn't talk to her if she has a boyfriend.