I'm normally a hard worker during the week and professed party animals during the weekend. What really breaks this down a bit is I'm recently started dating this banker guy. We had quite a bad history and all my friends hates the craps he has done to me. We talked last weekend and I felt this weight on my chest that I can't get off. I ended up confessed (also surrender to my feelings in the process) that I'm in love with him. This act leaves me VERY exposed since he's my only weakness now. We ended up meeting that night and tried to have a full on REAL date, had dinner, came back to his place, cuddle and just fell asleep. Next morning he made me breakfast, kiss me goodbye before going to work and send me back to sleep ( I'm 20, in college and on a break). This reinforces me in my decision so much I left him a love not and proposed to meet on Wednesday before he offs to Tokyo on a trip. That Wednesday was the longest day I have registered in my mind, I was completely disabled, not able to perform any decent feat. it went worse when he called around 3 and told me he's gonna work late and have to sort out a few things to prolly wont't be able to meet till 11ish or maybe lunch the next day would be better. I told him I'll come over around 11. I texted him around 10 asking if we were on schedule, he said it's dragging on (without reassurance). I went haywire and called him and texted him. We met around 12.45 and it scares me that I'm on my way back to destructiveville again. This is probably the core of our problems, he doesn't communicate enough and lack the sensitivity that makes me feel comfortable. Next morning I slept in and he came back around noon to pack, he was just talking but not enough affectionate acts. When we were in his car, I felt like I better of talking to his driver since he's on the phone sorting out his bank and didn't even try to talk to me.
Ever since I have this sense of anxiety of how irrelevant I am and how I'm gonna end up devastated again.
So yeah in a nutshell, I myself know that I should not be doing this but I'm too deep in now I can't get out so might as well seek a closure
Hope to hear from you all soon and thanks for your time