Boyfriend's making me feel irrelevant

[Dewey]

I'm normally a hard worker during the week and professed party animals during the weekend. What really breaks this down a bit is I'm recently started dating this banker guy. We had quite a bad history and all my friends hates the craps he has done to me. We talked last weekend and I felt this weight on my chest that I can't get off. I ended up confessed (also surrender to my feelings in the process) that I'm in love with him. This act leaves me VERY exposed since he's my only weakness now. We ended up meeting that night and tried to have a full on REAL date, had dinner, came back to his place, cuddle and just fell asleep. Next morning he made me breakfast, kiss me goodbye before going to work and send me back to sleep ( I'm 20, in college and on a break). This reinforces me in my decision so much I left him a love not and proposed to meet on Wednesday before he offs to Tokyo on a trip. That Wednesday was the longest day I have registered in my mind, I was completely disabled, not able to perform any decent feat. it went worse when he called around 3 and told me he's gonna work late and have to sort out a few things to prolly wont't be able to meet till 11ish or maybe lunch the next day would be better. I told him I'll come over around 11. I texted him around 10 asking if we were on schedule, he said it's dragging on (without reassurance). I went haywire and called him and texted him. We met around 12.45 and it scares me that I'm on my way back to destructiveville again. This is probably the core of our problems, he doesn't communicate enough and lack the sensitivity that makes me feel comfortable. Next morning I slept in and he came back around noon to pack, he was just talking but not enough affectionate acts. When we were in his car, I felt like I better of talking to his driver since he's on the phone sorting out his bank and didn't even try to talk to me.

Ever since I have this sense of anxiety of how irrelevant I am and how I'm gonna end up devastated again.

So yeah in a nutshell, I myself know that I should not be doing this but I'm too deep in now I can't get out so might as well seek a closure

Hope to hear from you all soon and thanks for your time

[michelle23]

If all your friend/family do not like someone-that may be a warning sign to stay away from him. They want whats best for you and they can probably see things about him that you cannot see yet as "love is blind" apparently.

I am confused about what your question is here? Do you want advice on whether you should dump him or not? Or are you trying to figure out if his behavior towards you is acceptable? Or is it something else?

[michelle23]

If you feel like you are not important to him-why do you stick around?

[Wakeup]

This is probably the core of our problems,

No, the core of YOUR problems is that you are at HIS beck and call. He takes you for granted because HE CAN. You have no self-respect while in this relationship and you let him dictate your own happiness.

I suggest you take back your personal power and stop being this man's doormat, stop putting him on this pedestal you have him on and view him for what he is... an occassional fk buddy who sees you when it's convenient for HIM. If you don't like that vision then either leave him now or try and steer this to some sort of mutually satisfying, on the same page relationship because right now, he calls all the shots and you're his faithful black lab who follows his command.

Sorry, but it's women like you that give men like him the option of eating their cake while they keep it.

I myself know that I should not be doing this but I'm too deep in now I can't get out so might as well seek a closure

You can get out of it fine. You just have to accept that he is a user and that what you think is "love" is simple lust and wanting what he's not giving you. How can you possibly "love" someone who shows you zero loving actions? Don't mistake lust and want for love.

[Dewey]

If all your friend/family do not like someone-that may be a warning sign to stay away from him. They want whats best for you and they can probably see things about him that you cannot see yet as "love is blind" apparently.

Well most my close friends come to the conclusion of they hate what he did to me rather than who he is since they haven't even met him. One friend that I confine in greatly told me he could be the one, maybe not now but a later while

I am confused about what your question is here? Do you want advice on whether you should dump him or not? Or are you trying to figure out if his behavior towards you is acceptable? Or is it something else?

I think I want to see if this is a normal thing for a successful man to make his partner feel this way. I sure won't be his irrelevant girlfriend and I think he doesn't really dig that either. Maybe it's all just in my head ?

If you feel like you are not important to him-why do you stick around?

There have been many amazing guys in my life ever since I met him but I have never successfully shake him off and move on. I have quite a time of celibacy and total independence but our social circle kinda crosses. If I have to explain it to myself, no one in my life now excites me the way he does. I have been with many caring and smart/great guys but just can't feel the same tinkle.

I suggest you take back your personal power and stop being this man's doormat, stop putting him on this pedestal you have him on and view him for what he is... an occassional fk buddy who sees you when it's convenient for HIM. If you don't like that vision then either leave him now or try and steer this to some sort of mutually satisfying, on the same page relationship because right now, he calls all the shots and you're his faithful black lab who follows his command.

I did and he responded positively, that's why I agreed to see him again in the first place. It's just him doesn't pay as much attention as he should. Or maybe I'm being overly needy, this question keeps on popping up in my head. For now I'm just settled with him being insensitive.

You have no self-respect while in this relationship and you let him dictate your own happiness.

I admit this I have thought of and heard of before. It has always been my nature to love and while I have quite an opposite exterior, I can be quite the housewife behind the closed door.

You just have to accept that he is a user and that what you think is "love" is simple lust and wanting what he's not giving you.

Well I know for a fact that our sex is pretty shit. Maybe it's time for me to tell him I prefer long kisses.

How can you possibly "love" someone who shows you zero loving actions?

I wouldn't say zero, it's just very inconsistent. He does show a great amount of affection toward me but it just keeps on getting interrupted. It could be just fine if he tries to text/talk to me randomly throughout the day. In the last day, he seems to have improved in this department. Called me after he gets off work to pick up my lunch and then before he got on the plane. I honestly think it's his insensitivity and inability to pick up little things and act on them are quite some problem as well. The age difference could be it, I'm 20 and he's 35. He already experienced relationships, had more mature ones while I'm still in my "wanting to do everything together" phase.

Btw thanks for your time and feedbacks guys

[michelle23]

He sounds like a narcissist to me tbh. Look it up. I think you should run a mile from him. The only reason your so obsessed with him is because you keep hoping youll tame him or that youll finally get the attention you crave but you wont.

Your better off with someone who you trust, who makes you feel secure etc...

I think you should walk away