Seeking Advice..

[brite_eyes23]

I'm having a problem with my boyfriend, we've been dating for a little over two and a half years. We share a computer and both have separate emails & AIM accounts...he had a chat box open on the computer the other day and I saw a chat log with another girl.

Clearly we both are 'able' to have friends of either sex, we aren't controlling monsters over eachothers lives. However...this one particular girl has got me wondering...she had been sending him texts, and he responds, late into the night, for the last few months. I have asked him about her and all I ever get back is that shes an old friend from high school (hasn't seen her in 4 years..but a friend no less.)

Well back to this chat log that I saw...she had mentioned that she was watching the show "What Not To Wear" (a show that makes over horribly fashioned people) and that she was hoping to get some pointers. My boyfriend replied to that, that she could wear a bikini all the time and she'd be just fine.

I don't recall what was said after that, as to what her reply was, other than oh no I could never do that...to which he replied of course you could. Then the conversation switched gears and continued.

We both had kept internet history and chat logs, to be able to reference things that had happened in the past (phone numbers, addresses, plans, etc) and about two months ago he stopped logging everything, which is out of character of him. I am really hurt by this and up until now we've had a real strong and trusting relationship but now I am just wondering what else is going on...

He knows that Im upset, hurt, confused about this...but i dont know where to go from here. I don't think he'd ever cheat...but now I've got this pressing my trust on the issue

Any advice..suggestions..sanity? lol

[Mish]

Clearly we both are 'able' to have friends of either sex, we aren't controlling monsters over eachothers lives. However...this one particular girl has got me wondering...she had been sending him texts, and he responds, late into the night, for the last few months. I have asked him about her and all I ever get back is that shes an old friend from high school (hasn't seen her in 4 years..but a friend no less.)

I think the late night texts are very inappropriate (and I think he knows that). I think you have the right to have a talk to your partner about his friend and their inappropriate behaviour and request for it to be stopped. If he doesn't, then you should rethink the direction of your current relationship. Perhaps it's time for some changes.

[bluesummer]

All I can suggest is don't accuse or jump to conclusions.

All you can do is discuss it and let him know how it makes you feel. You can judge you future actions based on his response.

[plexicat]

I'm with bluesummer here...

Be careful not to accuse him of anything in case he actually is being faithful. Some guys change for the worse when their faithfulness has been questioned.

But talk to him about your feelings. Always always always be honest to each other or there will be a bag full of misunderstandings.

I understand your insecurity, if my bf was texting with some girl late in the night, I'd also be a bit apprehensive about it.

[stsang]

Some people are able to talk comfortably with the opposite sex, especially if they are old friends. Its still inappropriate though. Don't jump to conclusions but don't be too naive too. The missing logs kind of raise an eyebrow.

On a side note, my girlfriend has caught me doing "suspicious" things like deleting phone calls and texts and logs, and that was because I was planning a surprise for her. Kind of made me mad. Anyways, try to get to the bottom of this because you need the truth.