I dont want to break up with him but don't know what else to do

[hopelessgirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and I realy feel like at the moment he is the one for me and that we can go the distance.

Except for the fact that Ive been diagnosed with depression.

We are going through a really tough time because he has been falsely accused for something and is being taken to court and its screwing up ours and his familys lives. The stress got so bad that I just kept spiralling down to rock bottom and into depression.

Unfortunately this has take a toll on our relationship. He says he will support me but when we argue its completely a different story. We know that we dont mean what each other says when we are angry but he doesnt understand the some of the small things he does is something major to me and I feel completely different towards it than he sees it.

When we argue he says I need to get help which I have done because Im on anti depressants and Ive got an appointment to see a counseller but he still wont accept it that that is my help and it makes me feel like crap and that he doesnt care or love me anymore coz he doesnt do anything to make me think otherwise and he has this way of twisting everything so it reflects badly on me which again makes me feel like crap when Im already down. He never apologises and it will just happen again a couple of days later because he will do something else. He will always say that I cant blame our arguements on depression when I know in my heart it is because Im not feeling right in the head and I would never be so touchy.

I love him so much and he really is my life. But one day Im going to snap and I nearly always want to end it because of his attitude towards me but then I know I can never leave him because he has my heart.

Someone please help me because I am running out of ideas.

[cheeze_guy]

depression is a serious disease and not too many people understand how real it is. I don't know if that is the problem but really if you are doing everything you can for your depression then he should be way more understanding. I probably feel for this a lot because my dad was seriously depressed and drank himself to a heart attack not too long ago and passed away. For me I was there for him until the end and he wasn't helping himself and that is why he ended up dying from it. I think it is a very sensitive thing and your boyfriend should be very sensitive towards your feelings especially since its awsome you are smart enought to help yourself

[hopelessgirl]

Thank you =]

[cheeze_guy]

Hey really you need support and if the person you rely on the most doesn't understand, it can leave you feeling helpless. I am here if you ever need to vent. I am a very good listener and I know how sad you can feel sometimes.

[hopelessgirl]

Im just scared I am going to stop loving him

[cheeze_guy]

if you are falling out of love just keep talking to him it will help you understand why you are falling out of love or make him see that he needs to be more understanding. You really need to talk to him though lots and lots of talking

[hopelessgirl]

He doesnt really like talking =( Hes a guy who cant talk about his feelings

[Chazza2k]

First off congratulations having sort help for depression, I know how difficult it can be to face many people just turn away from it convincing themselves its not a real problem. My Ex GF suffers with Bipolar disorder (manic depression) so I know how difficult and low you must feel sometimes. So many people don't understand it, I never did until you really learn from experience.

You both need to keep communicating with each other, and have a serious talk. Dont fall into the old aruging patterns, how your describing your situation is very simular to what happened to me. Me and the Ex GF stopped talking like we once did and everything started turning into an arugment. Try to be open about how difficult it is for you but also remember as hard a time this is for you your boyfriend is under huge stress with the court case and thats pulling him in all different directions. I stopped talking to my GF about my own probs in order to trying to lessen the birden I felt she was under, all that did was to drive a wedge between us because she felt I stopped trusting her. That was my mistake.

I hope this helps and you can sort things out.

[cmacattack1]

What is it with guys and not being able to open up and talk about how they felt? I always thought it was stupid and then I realized all along that I was doing it to pretty much all the girlfriends in my life and it took losing one that was important to me to really get that message across. I had trouble coping with I love you (I got it a month into our relationship) and she knew something was wrong and I didn't really tell her the truth. She took it as her being not good enough (which isn't the right thing to do, more of an insecurity thing) and it made a huge mess of things. I remember having conversations with her and her telling me "I don't want to break up with you, I don't think I could ever do that" and I pretty much tested that theory. Not intentionally but she finally had enough and did just that. There's really nothing more important than honesty and sincerity in a relationship.

Anywho, as hard as it may sound, do not worry about falling out of love with him. You can gauge your actual feelings for him by how quickly or how slowly it happens. And the only thing that can test that is time. These arguments that you guys are having is kind of a power struggle with the relationship and nothing can be accomplished if both people don't see it from each other's point of view. And don't take things he says as "he didn't mean them." That's absolving him of all responsibility no matter how hurtful they are. There is always some truth to things we say, we don't say them just to say them. We thought of it and we expressed it. Don't take away the importance of words, especially if they are matching the actions.

It can be frustrating, and no matter how many times you tell him it's important, he might not still see it from your point of view. Nothing can ever be solved. If you tried talking it out for a long time, if you tried to get him to understand for a long time, and nothing is changing...well guess what is the next step?

As crazy as this sounds, maybe you need some space from this relationship. I'm not saying you have to hook up with somebody else (I don't think it would make me feel any better afterwards) or anything like that, but just be apart and alone for a bit to really get some perspective. If it means alot to him, despite all his legal troubles, he will start to see what went wrong and what he can do to fix things too. Being apart from something that is important to you can really help you grow (as was the case for me). I don't know what kind of effect that will have on your depression though, as I honestly don't have a full understanding of it.

Now to cliches, "If you love something let it go, and it will come back if its true love." If you do decide to be apart, there might be some begging and some desparation on his part that will try and get you to cave. It's just a reaction. It will take some time and some reminders that you need the space and that it isn't helping at the moment.

Just my thoughts on it. It's a learning process though. Do what you want to do and based on your success or failure you will know what is right. It'll become instinctual.