Confused & Distressed

[tam]

Hi everyone!

It's my first post here!

So here’s my story:

I have met this girl sometimes around Easter 2009 through a friend, and we turned out to be very good mates. Both of us go the same university, so been hanging out from time to time.

Sometimes during last Christmas I had a crush on her. I have given her signals about my feelings from time to time, but haven’t told her yet. I know it’s been 6 months……maybe just too shy to confess. I have this fear that if she says no and rejects me straight away, might lose the awesome friendship we have.

Recently I’ve found out she’s ignoring me (been a week now) and can’t figure out why. Some my friends said she’s probably playing hard to get and advised me not to act desperate and to ignore her as well for a week or two.

However I’m really struggling to do so, its summer holiday….got plenty of free time and had made plans with her for the entire holiday.

What do I do now? Keep ignoring her or confess about my feelings? Any suggestions?

[Mish]

If she's ignoring you it's not a good sign, I wouldn't rush to confess the feelings at this stage. Instead of ignoring her, act friendly to her, but don't be obvious about your feelings and see where it takes you.

[TheTooya]

It sounds like.... shes been placing you in the friendzone, but found out that you are interested in being more than just friends... so shes pushing you away.

You can try a desperate leap and ask her out... I don't think it will be that pretty....

[tam]

Thanks Mishanya & TheTooya.

If I ask her out and she says no, I still want us to be friends. I have stepped into the friendzone ages ago!

[IncognitoSir]

Thanks Mishanya & TheTooya.

If I ask her out and she says no, I still want us to be friends. I have stepped into the friendzone ages ago!

The chances of you being friends with her after she turns you down (while she's been ignoring) are very slim to none. Sounds like you have a pretty serious crush so I guess you dont have anything to lose because as friends you'll never be happy and if she turns you down, atleast you'll know what she really thinks.

[Kaius]

Girls put shy guys in friend zone automatically. That's my experience. Shy guys emit indecisiveness, insecurity, fear, and emotionally weak. What girl would want that?!
You'd be surprised to learn, that if you are honest and upfront, the results may be very positive. Just go up to her and say, "hey I really like you...I don't like guessing games....I just want you to know how I feel."
If she likes you a little before, then the feeling would amplify. If she thought of you as a friend before, then you have just earned more trust from her. It's a win-win. I don't understand why guys
are too shy to tell the girl how they feel. Is it that scary to be rejected? I mean, who cares if she says no!

[Mish]

The chances of you being friends with her after she turns you down (while she's been ignoring) are very slim to none.

I agree with this^ If you want to continue being friends with her I suggest waiting it out, continue being friendly and wait for the right moment. Nothing destroys friendships faster than awkwardness.

[Hanksthinktank]

It's time to "Man up". I don't mean that in a mean way, I'm just saying you aren't in Kindergarten anymore. You are a young man and she is a young woman. Women want to have a confident man to lean on, someone to take care of them. Not just physically but emotionally too. You need to tell her how you feel. But be confident about it. If she says no then you can move on and maybe with time you can become friends. Either way you need to now. She will appreciate the honesty and bravery... and she just may find that attractive!

Good Luck!

Hank

[tam]

Thanks IncognitoSir, Kaius & Hank. I'll probably talk to her next week and finally tell her everything about my feelings.

I'll keep you lot posted.

[TheTooya]

If you want to continue being "friends", then don't do anything, and keep on going as you are.

But... don't stay around hoping she comes around... she probably won't. Instead, you should ask her out, and realize that if she turns you down, your chances of being friends still are pretty much diced up. Still there, just harder to continue, etc

[Mish]

Thanks IncognitoSir, Kaius & Hank. I'll probably talk to her next week and finally tell her everything about my feelings.

Maybe after she rejects you, you will find someone else, so it could work out well

[tam]

I've spoken to her this morning, she sounded friendly, but again came up with silly excuses to meet up to day or tomorrow. I'll try again next week, else have to confess my feelings over phone or text.

[xxazurexx]

2 reasons why I'd personally back off are:

1. I sense he wants more and I'm not feeling it for him. I'd back off and to not give him false hope that it would lead to more. I'd make excuses not to meet, to avoid awkward situations or a situation where he might confess, which would leave me having to reject politley. I'd rather avoid it.

2. I like him as more than a friend, but I'm not getting anything positive that he feels the same way. Because I'm not a pursuer (just the way I am), I'd await him making moves, but I'd have been giving off strong signals that I like him meantime. If he failed to pick up on this and over a period of time, I'd be assuming no interest, grow impatient and back off.

I wouldn't spill out your guts at this point, I'd do it only and if communication picks up between you two.

She is backing off for a reason and the last thing you do when someone backs off, is to talk about feelings, etc. Because if she aint feeling it, she will disappear for good.

[tam]

Cheers xxazurexx, I'll definitely go up & talk to her.

[tam]

Well finally got a chance to speak to her and it didn't work out. However, she said 'you are an amazing friend'.....so our friendship isn't ruined!

Time to move on!