Distressed and Confused

[sammy_13]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 6 months. It is the longest relationship he has been in a while. The problem is I feel he is emotionally closed off to me as he doesn't discuss what goes on in his head. At times he is loving and affectionate, he will tell me that he cares (he has not used the word love) and how beautiful I am. But at other times he is distant and I feel insecure when he pulls away. This is causing difficulty in our relationship because I feel rejected when he pulls away and don't know how to continue being me. When I sense this "I don't care attitude" from him I become needy and insecure and try extra hard to make things right. It seems like he wants me around when it suits him. I fit into his diary, with his plans to work, meet with friends etc. I know people need to have balanced lives and I don't expect him to want to be with me all the time but I do expect to feel wanted and pursued. I only stay at his place when he says its ok, he lives 10 mins away but if I really missed him I couldn't just pop by to say Hi. I tried speaking to him about it and he said he just needs some time everyweek to be alone and with his friends. I do understand this but I just got back from a 3 week trip overseas where we were hardly in contact and I expected he would have missed me more. He says he missed me and appreciates me more now, but I just get the vibe that there is something more to this that he is not saying. I feel like he calls all the shots in the relationship around the intimacy we have, he pulls me close and pushes me away when he feels he needs to. We are now taking a breather, I told him that I don't want to spend time with him unless he really really wants to spend time with me. I can't help but feel that he is not sure of his feelings, hence the fluctuation in his reaction to me. He is not ever disrespectful to be by calling me names etc. he just takes a time out and then things get back to how they were.

What do I do if I need to know truly how he feels, he once told me I have stolen a piece of his heart and sometimes I feel that way, but at other times I feel he thinks im not the right girl for him as we have different perceptions on life. I am affectionate and loving, my life goal is to make a difference in the lives of my loved ones and touch people hearts. he has no desire for the emotional and is llogical and practical, his goal is to change the world with ideas and progress, and has no desire to make his loved ones the most important thing.

I guess I have written quite a lot I just want some advice, has anyone been in a similar situation? Are all guys like this adverse to emotion? Are our percpectives on life too different to make a long term relationship work? How long do I stick around hoping he will say and mean the three words 'I love you'?

[Gigabitch]

Break up with him and date this guy:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/21015-i-am-looking-one-thing-no-guy-should-look.html[/url]

You two would be perfect for one another.

[sammy_13]

Ummm...I figured your not serious but I did read the thread you mentioned to understand what we have in common. It may be that you are correct, that I am being a little needy....but the thing is I am totally independent and do my own thing alot. I just want him to be the same around me all the time. This doesn't mean he has to shower me with affection but he has to be open. I hate that he pulls away for no reason. And that is what I wanted to understand? If he is just a normal guy and I am expecting too much then I guess the fault is I am too needy. The thing is my girlfriends tell me about their men and they are not so unpredictable, they are always open and don't just close up for no reason. Thanks