Long Distance Emotional disconnect fix-it advice

[TB27]

Hello,
I have been dating my dreamgirl for just over 1 year, the majority of it being long distance (300 miles). We have been great about taking turns driving to see eachother, however last month there was a 5 week period where we didn't see eachother. It was her turn to drive, but she had a prospective job interview and wanted me to drive to her. I held out (financially strained a bit), and she gave in and came to me. I guess it really bothered her, and when we were together the first night of her visit, after we were intimate she cried and said she felt emotionally detached from me. She stayed for about 4 days and we seemed reconnected, but I get a call a week after she left and she says that she feels disconnected again and doesn't see this working out. I guess I should have not let so much time pass and just found a way to go and see her, but now I fear that I have lost her.
We had a plan that I would eventually move down to her area, but now she tells me that it puts too much pressure on her. This is after she has been constantly asking me to find a job down there and was very adimant about making it work. Now it's a reversal, and I'm scrambling to figure out what to do. I'm 27, she's 23, and to make things more difficult, she is probably going to accept a 2 month internship an hour even further away. I don't know where we stand right now, we last talked 2 days ago (she actually said she missed me, after I said I missed her), and I'm trying my best not to contact her in hopes of getting her to miss me and want me back. She's now only about an hour's drive from me as she is visiting her sister (drove up with her parents) for the weekend for an anniversary party that I was initially invited to. I want to go and see her, but don't know if I should. Haven't slept but 2 hours in the last 2 nights (tormented), and haven't eaten but half a sandwich a day.
I know this is a lot, but any advice to this desperate dude is much appreciated. I love her very much and don't want to lose her!
Thanks

One other thing.. we are both very faithful and trusting of eachother- no issues there.

[lesa]

Whew, I thought I knew you.

There is not much you can do about this situation. Do you talk daily or try to? How often are you able to visit? With LDRs you must have the ability to visit or there will be problems. I think it would be cool to visit her if she is only an hour away. Don't expect her to give you time or anything...this will reduce any pressure for her. If you guys are a couple then you must have her feel like she is included in your life even when you two are apart. Do you talk about random things with her? Do you carry a cellular phone and talk to her while you run errands? It sounds crazy but it works. If you don't do those things it will just feel like a short term fling.

What kind of relationship is this? serious? casual? long-term? short-term?

Don't mention the moving near her thing. Wait until the relationship is very serious and moving toward another phase.

[IndiReloaded]

LDRs are hard, no matter how you look at it.

I have nothing to add to Lesa's great advice. Except that even if you do all that there are still no guarantees.

I wish you luck. However, if things don't work out, don't beat yourself up wondering what else you could have done. Esp w/LDRs, for some, the distance kills it no matter how much you work at it.

[TB27]

Yes, up until Thursday we talked daily and we would drive to see eachother 2 weekends out of a month. We would talk on the cell phone randomly during the workday a few days of the week, but mostly in the evenings. We both agreed this to be a long term serious relationship. Her friends all seemed to like me, and one of her best friends in particular said on a couple occasions that she's pushing for me (a while back). Would I be stepping accross some kind of line if I were to email her friend to ask for advice/suggestions? I almost drove to see her last night, but a friend talked me out of it. I will probably go today though and just hope to god she will see me. I won't bring up moving.

[lesa]

Do you think she will not want to see you? Is there more to this story than what you are giving? It now sounds like the relationship is doomed. If it's just emotional disconnect you can have her feel like a part of your life much more than you are doing now. Maybe she found someone else (I hope not). Maybe the thrill of the relationship is gone and she is not realistic about that. Maybe this relationship is not the one worthy of major sacrifices. If that is the case, it's nothing you can do.

[TB27]

Well, I drove up to Oakland (where they are having their family party) and called her from a park. I didn't tell her I was already there. I asked her if she could afford some time for an in person talk and she said that it would make things difficult. I guess that's a pretty solid answer itself. I pressed her a little, and she agreed to letting me pick her up and take her for coffee tomorrow evening (not for sure, but she'll "try to make it happen"). I'm home now, and I guess I'll drive up there again tomorrow maybe. How the hell can she go from asking me if I have been looking for jobs in her area only 5 days ago to this? I just don't understand it. Now I'm hung out to dry and I guess that is the end of our plans together. Okay, I'll accept it for now seeing as I don't have a choice it seems, but in a nutshell is there any good way to salvage anything here? If I cease contact for a period of time, maybe she will come around?

I can't think of anything in the story that I'm leaving out.

[lesa]

She has another guy interest. It makes no sense for her to act like this unless she is interested in someone else.

Yeah, stop contacting her for awhile so that she will miss you. If she is not missing you then you know it's over.

[TB27]

Thanks for your concise input. I'm glad there are those out there like yourself who care about heartbroken chumps like me. As I said, she told me she would call today.. and I'm both surprised and crushed to hear nothing from her. I wanted to marry her eventually. Guess I'll leave her alone for as long as I am able to :-(

[TB27]

Update...
Well, after playing by the rules of no contact, I got a call from her on Thanksgiving. We talked for over an hour catching up about this and that. She at one point told me that the invitation is still open for me to go to visit her but the rule was "no expectations" meaning not to expect that we would get back together. Cut things to the point, I made the trip this past weekend. Our old chemistry was resparked and we had an amazing weekend doing lots of things together. We talked about being intimate, but she said that she still had feelings for me and didn't want to be hurt. I pretended during that conversation that I was unaffected by the notion. She cried and said that she missed me, so I said that I have missed her a lot. She even said she was thinking about a second try, but I shrugged it off for now. I feel that I don't want to be too forthcoming only to have it taken away if she changes her mind again quickly. It's not easy because I definitely want her back. She told me that I am welcome to visit her anytime. As I said we were not intimate, but we fooled around and there was a close connection. I feel that I want to play cool and wait some more for her to come around, but I also feel that I need to show that I have interest somehow. I want to plan a second trip soon, and am trying to decide when i should step up and start talking about trying it out again. Yes, this has been a long distance relationship the whole time (I already know it's tough), but I am ready to move to her when she is ready to try it again. Now I'm at home, and don't know if I should call her or not............... Call and be friendly, not call and hope she does, or call and try to express that we should give it another try... that is the question!